Blind to You
by Kanemoshi
Summary: Kakashi would do anything for his friends, but when it comes to protecting the person he secretly cares for most, will he be able to put not only his life, but his very heart in danger to save a man who is blind to him and his feelings? Kakashi/Iruka
1. Prologue

Authoress: I'm back with a new story! *squeals* I have to admit, I've been in a Kakashi/Iruka fix for a while...and this is my pride and joy, so I hope everyone enjoys - even though it is definitely going to be a bit dark at certain points!

Disclaimer: If only I owned Naruto...I'd be the happiest pervert to exist!

**Prologue**

Iruka sagged back in his chair with a sigh, mentally cursing the Hokage with every single swear word he knew and some he made up in his current frustration. His head fell backwards against the cushioned seat and the academy teacher closed his eyes as he desperately tried not to think of ways to murder the woman. He had heard Tsunade could be difficult at times, but this was just insanity!

With a deep breath, the brunet bowed forwards, his hand blindly reaching out for his pen. Opening his eyes and momentarily glaring at his covered desk, he continued writing on one of the many pieces of paper before him. After a few minutes of silently fuming, scratching characters out and feeling the vein in his temple throb threateningly, the teacher slammed the pen back down.

He was partially to blame for all of this; he had to inwardly point out that logical fact no matter how much he wanted to dispute it. He had been the one who had unknowingly pushed Shizune over the edge a few months ago. He had only been his usual well-mannered self when he asked her if she had been feeling alright. The dark-haired woman was talking to herself and twitching – what else was he supposed to do?

That simple little question – _daijoubu ka_ – was one that now haunted his whole existence. Who would have known those four syllables would have made Shizune have a panic attack that, four months after the event, she had still not completely recovered from?

Running his hand roughly over his face, the teacher sighed. Looking up to the ceiling, he had the fleeting hope that the building would crumble and take him with it. Really, was it so much to ask that the Hokage Tower lose a few floors in a freak accident? Death was the only excuse Iruka had not tried yet on the Hokage to get out of his new job.

Four months ago, he thought that filling in for Shizune for a week or two – the time he assumed she would be out on medical leave – wouldn't be so bad. He had even been eager, if one wanted to know the truth, to be the Hokage's temporary secretary. He thought that he could rub some of his organization off on their messy and lazy Hokage. Within the first day, he had given up on that.

Now, a third of a year later, Iruka was starting to understand why Shizune had been ranting to herself and having spasms. He had to pat the woman on the back for lasting as long as she had. She had somehow dealt with Tsunade for years. The mere thought of working for the blonde that long made Iruka shiver.

The odd jobs that Shizune had made part of her duty weren't so bad – making sure Tsunade was awake and semi-sober for her morning meetings with the Elders, giving the Hokage her allotted amount of sake as a reward for good behavior, and scheduling the blonde's day around her liquid meals. He didn't mind being a secretary – going over paperwork and writing correspondences were things he was more than accustomed to it after years at the academy and the Missions Office. But this was something else entirely.

Eyeing the papers scattered across his desk, Iruka reminded himself why he hated his new job so – the requests. It was only because of a decade in the Missions Office that he could even read some of the pages. An idea came to his mind and it took some sifting to find a pad of paper underneath all the mess. Quickly scribbling down his idea to make penmanship classes a mandatory part of being a jounin, the teacher finally felt a smile come to his face. The one good thing about his job was that Tsunade was more than willing to sign off on anything, so long as he dangled a bottle of alcohol before her.

It would seem manipulative in any other circumstance, but as Iruka looked down at the papers before him, he knew that he was only being reasonable. Such classes were something that was very much needed for the betterment of their village. If jounin could write halfway intelligently, he wouldn't have to spend an hour on each person's request in order to decode it. The thought of the free time he would have then to catch up on the rest of the Hokage's work was almost enough to make the teacher salivate.

Raking his hand through his hair, Iruka read over another jounin's request for a mission. The requests that came to Tsunade directly were ones for reconnaissance missions, assassinations, and a host of other dangerous assignments that their mentally unbalanced jounin community begged for. There were also requests for reassignments to another village or different genin groups and various other random pleas. Thinking of another idea, Iruka wrote down on his pad of paper that there should be some kind of format to requests so he wouldn't have to read every single paper to know what someone was asking for.

Scanning over the paper in front of him, the one that was closest to neatly written, Iruka deciphered that someone was asking – no, begging – to be sent to Suna for diplomatic reasons. Recognizing the writing, the teacher felt a smile tug at his face. Of course the Hyuuga would want to be sent to the village his rumored boyfriend ruled over.

Placing the young man's request on the floor to his left, where there was a pile of diplomatic reassignments already building up into a small tower, Iruka went back to sorting through the papers. He had been given permission by Tsunade to grant or refuse requests on his own, but the teacher couldn't help but snicker when he thought of how he could torture the woman by making her go through every request before he allowed her to drink. Oh, revenge was sweet!

Finally discovering that he did in fact have a desk underneath all the paperwork, Iruka felt a shiver of delight creep up his back. It had only taken him six hours to sort through everything!

Around him, in piles that only the obsessive-compulsive teacher could understand, was a month's worth of requests. Of course, in keeping with Konoha's unpunctual ways, he hadn't started getting the requests until last night and today was the deadline. It was how their village seemed to work – following the example their leader set and never turning in things early. No, everyone waited until the last moment. And what was worse was that it wasn't just the jounin community! All shinobi, from pre-genin to ANBU were taking a page from Tsunade's book. Then there were the Elders and other civilians who were almost just as bad.

Rubbing his aching temples, Iruka started scribbling all of his ideas down on his pad of paper. First, there would have to be a schedule set down so that not all peoples' requests came in on the same day. Perhaps civilian requests could be due a week before the shinobi community's. At least that way he wouldn't be sorting through thousands of letters, attempting to make some sense of it all.

Iruka glanced down at the desk and saw that, underneath his newly-rediscovered coffee mug, was an envelope. Lifting up the cup that was now filled with cold coffee, Iruka took a sip of the chilled liquid that, despite its horrible taste, had the caffeine he had come to rely on in the past four months. He picked up the immaculate white envelope, nearly crying in happiness when he saw that the paper had no questionable stains, no scribbled characters scratched out, or anything else that would say it was from the shinobi community. It wasn't crumpled, messy, or otherwise similar to the thousands of requests he had already gone through. The only things on the envelope were neatly-written characters that identified it as a mission request.

He couldn't help but open up the sealed flap of the envelope, curious to know what shinobi could possibly write legibly and had enough sense to keep their written request professional-looking. It was almost too good to be true! Almost as soon as he opened the envelope, Iruka's eyes widened as he realized that he was very wrong in hoping that there was one shinobi in Konoha who was just as orderly and obsessive as he was.

XXX

Tsunade stretched backwards, a large grin coming to her face as she felt the warm sun on her skin. For a moment, she wondered if she should feel any remorse for leaving her cute little secretary to do all of her work. She quickly shook such a thought from her mind. Iruka would do fine and he certainly didn't need her help to do whatever it was that made the anal man tick. He was probably deliriously happy in organizing the requests into a thousand and one different categories.

Glancing down at her ratty t-shirt and jeans, the Hokage snickered. With the henge she had forced Naruto to teach her years ago, though slightly modified for her own needs, the woman had discovered that no one looked twice at the twenty-something blonde man that wandered around the village from time to time.

It had taken some sneaking to get past her brunet guard – mainly jumping out of her window and falling nearly twelve stories. She couldn't use chakra to attach herself to the wall – Iruka would have felt it and come out to drag her back inside where he would torture her with paperwork for the rest of the day.

Glad that she always kept a change of well-worn clothes in her office, Tsunade was about to set out towards her favorite bar, but froze when she heard an echoing _boom_ come from overhead. Unconsciously, her arms moved to cover her head as debris fell to the ground around her.

It was almost as though time itself had slowed down as she turned to look back at the Hokage Tower, only to see a large, ominous cloud of dark smoke billowing out of a window on the top floor. Other than her office, there was only one other room on that entire floor and, therefore, there was only one person who had any reason to be up there right now.

Tsunade moved before the thought fully registered in her head. Racing back into the building, this time going through the front door, she ignored the unfamiliar, constrictive feeling of running in jeans. As she flew by wide-eyed shinobi and citizens, she instinctively yelled out a command. She wasn't entirely sure, but she had the feeling she told them to evacuate the building.

She raced up the stairs, taking several at a time. Though nearly all of her focus was on running, she could still sense that there were several shinobi behind her also moving towards the source of the explosion. Whether it was because of the wave of guilt washing over her or the knowledge that there was someone on the top floor who could have been caught in the blast, she ran the fastest, easily distancing herself from the other shinobi.

Sliding across the floor once she reached the top of the staircase, Tsunade had to take a moment to steady herself before she flitted towards the only visible door. Wrenching the door open, and in the process tearing it away from the wall, she threw the useless wood and paper to the side. Before the door even hit the ground, Tsunade raced into the room.

Immediately pulling her t-shirt over her nose and mouth, she had to shut her eyes as smoke began to burn them. The clouds of dark matter around her weren't those from a fire, Tsunade was certain. It only took her a moment to recognize the stinging agony in her still closed eyes. It wasn't normal smoke – it was a chemical explosion that resulted in this.

Holding her breath, no longer trusting the air enough to even breathe, she moved quickly. Blindly reaching out for anything that would tell her exactly where in the room she was, the Hokage finally felt the corner of something hard. She realized it was the desk and, using that as a handle, she moved around and nearly tripped over the chair on the other side of the piece of furniture.

Tsunade was about to give up on trying to keep herself from taking in any of the smoke and call out for her unwilling secretary, but heard something that made her stop short. It was a soft sound – a groan, perhaps – that originated from somewhere nearby. Falling to her knees, she stretched her hands out and tried to feel for the brunet.

Finally, her fingertips came in contact with something that she quickly surmised was his leg. Moving to the man's side, she slid her hands down to a limp wrist and felt for a pulse. The throb was weak and failing.

As a medic, she knew everything that could be wrong with the teacher. A broken neck, concussion, burns, limbs torn to pieces. There were so many possibilities, but at the moment, all the woman knew was that she had to get him out of the smoke-filled room and to a place where she could open her eyes and see the damage.

Shifting so that she was at the brunet's head, Tsunade eased her arms underneath him, trying to support his neck and head as best she could before starting to pull him in the direction of the doorway. By the time she got him out into the hallway, her own eyes were burning and her lungs were screaming for air.

Finally feeling it was safe enough to open her eyes, Tsunade had to blink a number of times to clear her vision of tears. Unsure whether they were from emotions or the smoke, the woman didn't give it a second thought as her gaze traveled over the teacher's unmoving body.

Her hands instantly began glowing a pale green as she ran her touch over him, healing anything and everything she could. It wasn't until she could feel the man's heart return to a normal beat that she took the time to process what her eyes were seeing.

Iruka's limbs were still very much in place, though his hands and arms had small burns and lacerations covering them. His jacket and shirt had been obliterated, leaving his bruised and bleeding chest bare. All of those were insignificant injuries, Tsunade realized, as she looked up into Iruka's face.

There, stretching across his face was the most horrible wound of all. The raised, angry red burns were unmistakable. Chemical burns – the worst sort. She hesitantly brought her hand up to touch the side of the teacher's face that had obviously caught the brunt of the explosion. The burns, along with the deep cuts, that covered the right side of his face and traveled across the bridge of his nose, all the way over to his other temple were ones that made the Hokage gasp.

She didn't need to be a healer to know that there was one injury on the teacher that no amount of medical knowledge could ever hope to repair.

XXX

"This was obviously an assassination attempt on the Hokage!"

"An investigation must be started immediately!"

"The Hokage's guard must be increased!"

Tsunade dropped her head into her hands as she listened to the argument going on around her. Though all the people in the room, from Elders to her best jounin, all agreed on what had happened earlier in the evening, they, for some reason, found the need to loudly discuss what to do about it.

Finally having had enough of the screaming match, she stood up, pounding her hands down on the table in front of her. No one dared to so much as breathe as she looked around the oval table at the group she had called together once she was no longer needed at the hospital.

A few of the people had enough shame to bow their heads as they realized how they were acting. Those who had no such capacity for embarrassment simply looked back at her with questioning glances.

"This was not an attempt on my life," Tsunade said hoarsely. Her lungs continued to burn from earlier, despite the fact that she hadn't breathed in any of the smoke. Her eyes still watered, leaving streaks of tears down her face that no amount of wiping could fully erase.

She knew what she said was true. Had it been an attempt on her life, the assassin would have been smart enough to know that she didn't open anything herself. No, it was common knowledge that Iruka was the one who did all of her paperwork. She only saw it when the brunet brought it to her for her to sign, or when he was on one of those annoying 'you should take responsibility for these' kicks of his.

No, someone hadn't meant to catch her in the explosion and she told the gathering as much. She explained to them that anyone who did any research would have known Iruka would be the one to open the letter – that he would be the one caught in the blast. As she spoke, she could see some nod their heads in agreement, but others were still unconvinced. When she finally fell silent again, Anko spoke.

"Iruka-sensei should have a guard placed on him until the matter has been settled," the kunoichi said as she looked to her fellow jounin. Though it was no secret that the entire jounin community saw Iruka as one of their own, and because of that, was like a brother to each shinobi at the table, Tsunade could see that they were all hesitant. Iruka's reputation for being difficult was one well-earned.

"Yes, but in case this was an attempt on Tsunade-sama's life, her bodyguards should also be increased," one of the Elders stated calmly and, as Tsunade looked around the room, she could see the agreement in everyone else's eyes.

"I will agree to the extra guards… so long as Iruka is safe," Tsunade replied as she looked down at her hands. If it meant assigning her best bodyguards to the man, she would chance the possibility she would be unprotected in another attack. She could handle an assault, but Iruka needed someone to watch over him. Looking back to the jounin at the table, Tsunade wondered out loud, "Who would be willing to watch over Iruka?"

For a moment, no one spoke and several of her elite shinobi bowed their heads. Finally, it was Shikamaru who broke the silence. "Iruka said the next time he sees me, he's shoving a lit cigarette up my ass…too troublesome."

"He's going to make me choke on a senbon."

"He will steal my youthfulness!"

There were a number of similar complaints – all of which were reasons for her cowardly jounin to back out of watching over Iruka. As the last shinobi voiced why she was incapable of protecting the chuunin, Tsunade dropped her head against her chest with a sigh. Almost as soon as she wondered if there was a single person who would be willing to guard Iruka, she thought of one person who would be perfect for the job.

"I already have someone in mind," Tsunade stated, looking up at her most powerful shinobi, who cowered when threatened with the duty of being around Iruka for long periods of time. Smiling to herself, she realized that Iruka's new guard should be returning to the village soon.

XXX

Kakashi slumped against the warm tile of the shower, his hands moving up to gingerly rake through his hair. Letting out a sigh as the hot water hit his freezing body, he momentarily didn't care that the water scalded his skin, nor was he entirely concerned by the red tinge the water at his feet was taking on as the grime of his mission was washed off.

Trying to pull his fingers through his matted, dirty hair, he winced a few times as his touch met a spot where his hair was caked to his head with dried blood that he knew to be his own. Pushing against the wall to try standing back up, the jounin momentarily wove back and forth unsteadily. Gripping the side of the shower, it took several seconds of deep breathing for him to feel confident enough to release his hold and stand on his own two feet.

Bowing his head under the stream of water, washing away the blood at the side of his head, Kakashi watched as a new, darker shade of red began swirling with the pink water in the tub.

"You take a longer shower than most women!"

Kakashi froze at those words or, more specifically, that voice. He had purposely 'forgotten' to hand in his mission report as soon as he got into the village just to avoid the buxom blonde. It took him a moment to realize that her words were easily heard despite the shower running not because she was being loud. No, that damn voice originated from the other side of his very much see-through shower curtain.

"What do you want?" Kakashi grumbled as he tilted his head up to wash his face under the cascade of water, ignoring the feeling of eyes on him. At least his shower curtain was steamed up enough that she wouldn't be able to make out distinct features, such as his currently uncovered face.

"I have a favor to ask," Tsunade replied. From the squeak of the floor underneath her, Kakashi could assume she had shifted on one foot as she spoke, which made him wonder why she was showing such a nervous habit. She was the one who broke into his home, boldly walked into his bathroom, and now spoke to him as though he wasn't a foot away, naked as the day he was born! There was nothing for the ballsy woman to be nervous about when Kakashi should be the one letting out a feminine shriek and demanding she get out. At this point, he was too tired and weak to argue, so he simply took her presence in stride.

"Give me a minute?" Kakashi all but begged as he felt another dizzy spell coming on. Leaning forward to hold onto the knobs in front of him, he could only manage shallow breaths as he waited for her answer.

"Let me look at your head when you get out," Tsunade replied, her tone reprimanding. Kakashi knew better than to argue with the woman, so he patiently waited until he could hear her leave the room. Moving as quickly as his sore body would allow, he finished washing off the majority of the blood, sweat, and dirt. He turned off the shower and got out, toweling himself off gently as he did his best to not reopen any of his wounds.

Kakashi wrapped the towel around his middle, but it stubbornly slipped down low on his hips. Throwing on his mask but nothing else, he let out a grumble. He was too tired, too sore, and far too annoyed to care if the towel fell any lower and he flashed his Hokage. It would be her own damn fault for trespassing under the story of wanting to ask a favor. When she said 'favor,' she truly meant 'order.' There was no way to argue with the woman unless you wanted to be hit by the strongest shinobi alive. Having been on the receiving end of one of her punches, Kakashi wasn't going to think for a moment that he had another option in any of this.

Taking a deep breath, he worked up the nerve to waltz out of the bathroom, despite the fact he was, for all intents and purposes, naked. A towel and a mask didn't make him even half-dressed in his mind.

Wandering towards the kitchen where he could hear a strange clinking, Kakashi was met with the sight of Tsunade placing two cups of tea down on his table. He didn't even know he had tea, much less the mugs she was using, but Kakashi wasn't going to question it when he saw her face.

There was no mistaking the red tinge to her eyes – Tsunade had been crying. Though he despised the woman at the best of times, Kakashi felt a wave of anger hit him. Whoever dared to make his leader cry would certainly meet their end at his hands or, if not his, a fellow shinobi's.

"Sit down, Kakashi," she said, her voice not the strong, powerful one Kakashi always recognized and had nightmares about. No, it was hoarse and scratchy and from the expression on her face, it obviously hurt her to speak.

Unable to do anything else, Kakashi did as he was told, though he did make sure to rearrange his towel so the woman didn't catch a glimpse of something neither of them wanted her to see. Kakashi was about to open his mouth and ask what happened, but froze when he felt a warm touch on the side of his head. It didn't take him more than the blink of an eye to realize she was healing the injury to his head that had been perhaps the worst of his wounds.

"A cracked skull and a concussion. Sometimes you worry me," Tsunade said lightly as she finally leaned away from the jounin and took a seat next to the man. Raking a hand through her hair, she took a deep breath as she thought out how to word her next statement. "There was an attack last night."

"Attack?" Kakashi repeated, wondering why she had seen a reason to come tell him such a thing in person at two in the morning. He would have heard when he went to turn in his mission report in a few hours. It was the look in her watery eyes that made him realize that there was a good reason for this house call.

"It might have been an assassination attempt," Tsunade explained softly, not knowing that her words momentarily made the jounin's heart speed up. Not seeing his wide eyes, she continued, "I was uninjured… I wasn't there when the explosion went off. I don't think that it was meant for me, though… it was for my secretary."

"Who would want to kill Shizune?" Kakashi asked evenly, having seen too much to be fazed by the explosion that was meant for the secretary. The last time he had been in the village, the woman was her usual anal, screaming self. Shizune wasn't that powerful or important of a shinobi, but perhaps the attacker had wanted to make Tsunade realize how easy it would be to come at her directly, if they could get to the person closest to her.

"Not Shizune," Tsunade replied as her eyebrows furrowed. It took her a moment to remember that Kakashi had been on a reconnaissance mission in the Hidden Village of Mist for the past six months. Kakashi wouldn't have known that Iruka replaced her mentally-unstable friend a while ago. "It was Umino Iruka."

Those four words made Kakashi's very heart stop as he outright stared at the blonde woman now sipping on her tea as though the liquid could hide the fact she had sobbed as she spoke. Something cold and hard settled in his gut, not recalling if Tsunade said whether or not the assassin had been successful.

"He nearly died from the explosion – it hit him directly in the face." Tsunade bowed her head as she set her tea back down on the table, unable to take another sip. When she spoke again, her voice was tempered with anger. "I want someone constantly protecting him until we catch whoever was behind this."

That strange lump in his stomach melted slightly at the realization Iruka hadn't been killed, but it returned full force as Kakashi reasoned out why Tsunade was telling him all of this. "You want me to watch over him?" he asked, forcing his voice to remain steady. "Iruka hates me more than anyone else… why not have Gai, or someone else he can stand most of the time, do it?"

"You're the only one I know who might be able to understand what he's going through…"

At that admission, one of Kakashi's eyebrows went up. He had his fair share of near-death experiences, but what jounin hadn't? No, there had to be something Tsunade hadn't told him yet. At her next words, Kakashi couldn't hold back the sharp intake of air.

"He was blinded by the explosion," Tsunade whispered as her fingers traveled over her eyes, recalling how the chemical burns focused around those soft, brown orbs. "It's too early to tell if it's permanent… and we won't know if it's complete blindness until he wakes up. He's still heavily sedated until we can get the rest of the acid out of his system."

"Acid?" Kakashi repeated so quietly, the jounin himself wasn't sure if the woman had even heard him. It certainly didn't reach his own ears. Swallowing heavily, he still waited for Tsunade to continue.

"Covering the exploding tags was an unknown chemical reagent – an acid – that hit Iruka in the face, the torso, and arms. Some of the solution also caught on fire and Iruka inhaled the smoke. It would have killed him had I not reached him so quickly…" Tsunade trailed off, images of the unconscious teacher plaguing her mind. All of this was her fault. Had she been in her office, had she actually been doing her job, Iruka wouldn't be like this. He wouldn't be lying still on a hospital bed, the entire right side of his face and his left eye heavily covered with gauze.

Kakashi could see the guilt on Tsunade's face, but he knew better than to let her know he had noticed it. Shinobi, no matter how powerful they were, didn't want to be reminded that they were only human and, as such, they were capable of human emotions and human mistakes. "Why would I be able to understand him?" Kakashi asked instead as he looked at the cup of tea in front of him.

"Don't be an idiot. I've known since I first met you that you're blind in one eye," Tsunade replied as she glanced over at the jounin. The look on Kakashi's half-covered face would have been comical in another time and setting, but right now, it was painfully apparent that the jounin didn't want anyone to know such a detail about him. "The Sharingan – you don't have it uncovered unless using it, so it's obvious you got used to seeing out of just one eye. The first time I saw that you can't deactivate it told me for certain that you can't see out of it. You can still use it like an Uchiha, but it's because you still have one functioning eye that you can see illusions or create your own. Even the greatest of the Uchiha couldn't live so many years with their Sharingan constantly activated, and _not_ go blind. It is the one downfall of such eyes."

Kakashi's body tensed as Tsunade easily told him one of his greatest secrets as though it was common knowledge. He had been so certain no one ever realized that he didn't look at them with the Sharingan – that he didn't focus on them. So many thought that it was because he wouldn't be able to control the illusion he put them under, when it was truly anything but.

He had started losing the sight in his implanted eye within a year of Obito's death. By eighteen months, he could see nothing other than painful blackness when just his unnatural eye was open. He had to learn how to see out of one eye, to judge distance when he had no depth perception, to be able to foresee attacks that were most commonly directed at his large blind spot. It took him years upon years to carefully hide any indication that he only had one functioning eye. What perhaps hurt the worst was that he even hid it from his friends and his beloved teacher. No one – especially no one left alive – had known. Yet Tsunade had somehow always been aware of it.

"I would have lost my shinobi status, had anyone found out," Kakashi said, his voice cold and guarded, as he moved to stand. Turning so he didn't have to look at the Hokage, he folded his arms across his chest and closed his right eye. As soon as his natural eye was completely closed, the world went dark despite the fact he _knew_ his left eye was still open. Sometimes, he had wondered if it would have just been better to not have the transplant – to not have to pretend that he could see perfectly fine.

"No one else knows and I have no intention of letting you retire early," Tsunade replied, a hint of joking in her voice. "You have proven to me that you are capable of becoming one of my most trusted shinobi, even with such a handicap. I have no problem with letting you keep your position."

"Thank you," Kakashi stated as he bowed his head. He couldn't lose his status as a jounin. He knew no other life – he had nothing else. Just the thought of being turned into a civilian made his stomach churn.

"Will you protect Iruka until we find his attacker?" Tsunade asked as she watched the jounin's bare back tense. She knew that Iruka and Kakashi didn't have the greatest of relationships, but the jounin before her was the only person she would trust with Iruka when her secretary would undoubtedly be trying to cope with a life without his sight. Kakashi was the only one who could understand that kind of frustration and anger.

Kakashi turned to look back at her, his eyebrows furrowing as he studied her. "Iruka will not agree to it. He avoids me at all costs," the jounin admitted. He wouldn't tell Tsunade that every time Iruka glared at him with hate and every single snub on the teacher's part were like stabs to the heart.

"That is why I am having one of my best ANBU members watch over him," Tsunade stated calmly, seeing the range of emotion race through Kakashi's natural eye. She was sure the jounin had no idea the kind of glimpse he had just given her into his own heart. "You're being reinstated into ANBU for as long as Iruka needs you. No one will ever know that you are the one protecting him – other than myself and the ANBU team."

"I don't have my mask or uniform," Kakashi lied. Those items were in a chest under his bed, locked away in hopes that he would forget about those dark years of his life, where all he knew was murder. It was a time he never wanted to relive or repeat. But he wasn't going to be a normal ANBU – an assassin. She was going to make him into one of the few ANBU who had the honor of being a bodyguard. He was certain that Tsunade would make up some kind of story for Iruka and others – that he was one of her most trusted guards and she had assigned him to Iruka. The only people besides Tsunade who would know the truth would be other ANBU. They would know he wasn't ANBU or would know who he was if they had been around when he himself had truly been part of their ranks.

"I can get you new ones… I am, after all, the leader of the entire shinobi community – and that includes ANBU," Tsunade replied with a saddened smile. She wished she could let Kakashi back out, but there was no one else she could ask to take care of Iruka. The least she could do for her secretary was get the most understanding person she could to protect Iruka with his life.

The Hokage saw the almost unperceivable nod of Kakashi's head and, though she should be happy that the jounin was agreeing to help, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was torturing Kakashi in her attempt to alleviate some of her own guilt.

XXX

B.Z.: ... OMG! I LOVE this idea! But is Iruka going to be completely blind, or just in his right eye? I like the idea of him only being partially blind better, but that's up to you. Either way, I LOVE IT!

Authoress: Kuku, Iruka's blindness is for future chapters! And a huuuuge thanks to B.Z.-chan for betaing this chapter! So, please review so I know where to take this story! Until next time, ja ne!


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

Kakashi leaned back with a sigh, folding bare arms across his chest. Bending one leg, he rested the bottom of his booted foot against the wall he was being supported by. To anyone who walked by, he would have looked completely calm and in control of himself. They would see a professional ANBU bodyguard watching his charge sleep.

In truth, he was anything but.

His natural eye raked over the motionless teacher as the jounin took a deep breath. The only thing a passerby would be right about was that he was watching the unconscious brunet. He had to press his foot against the wall to keep it from jiggling nervously – a habit few people ever knew he had since he was normally able to control it. Gai only knew about it because he wasn't able to stop himself when he was drunk and being pressured into asking someone to dance, or some other stupid, nerve-wracking action. When Asuma was still alive, the three of them used to go out bar-hopping quite often, so his two friends were very familiar with his propensity for twitching his leg in stressful, drunken situations.

Not only was he tense, but he was anything but professional. A true ANBU bodyguard wouldn't be infinitely happy for their mask because it hid the emotions plaguing their face. The eyeholes of his mask were shadowed, hiding his Sharingan, as well as his dark eye and the spectrum of sentiments they contained.

Since Tsunade gave him his new assignment, he had all but lived at the hospital, unable to tear himself away from the unconscious teacher. He lost track of time a while back, but he could only guess that it had been a few days since his leader interrupted his shower and told him about Iruka's injuries. In all that time, he hadn't yet come up with a single answer to all the questions that arose in his mind.

Had there been someone to sympathize with him when he had first started losing sight in his left eye, would he have wanted their pity and understanding? Would he have lashed out at them, only getting angrier because there _was_ someone else who had gone through something similar? Would he have appreciated the Hokage's thoughtfulness in assigning such a person to watch over him?

Those were questions that he hadn't even begun trying to answer because he had the feeling he wouldn't like what he came up with. Instead, he could only wonder how Iruka would react when he woke up. Would he have the same hatred for the world around him as Kakashi did for some time? Would he refuse to be in Kakashi's presence? Would he even listen if Kakashi worked up the courage to explain why Tsunade thought he would be the perfect bodyguard for the injured brunet?

Tightening his arms across his chest, Kakashi took another deep breath. Though he had told Tsunade he didn't have his ANBU uniform, he had pulled it out of its chest and tried it on as soon as she had left his apartment. Surprisingly, it had fit just as perfectly as it had all that time ago – as though the past fifteen years or so hadn't passed at all. It took some time to get used to the different vest, the cool chill of air across his bare upper arms, and the heavy weight of two swords across his back, but the hardest thing to grow accustomed to again would have to be the mask covering his entire face. Though used to most of his face being covered, it felt different to have every facial feature hidden from view. He had the feeling very few people would even recognize him unless they had been in ANBU with him all those years ago.

He was glad the Hokage didn't ask him about his reportedly missing uniform when he had shown up at the hospital, decked out as the ANBU bodyguard he was supposed to be. Kakashi tore his gaze away from the brunet and bowed his head. The hair at the nape of his neck pulled, protesting the strange feeling of being tightly held back. Unable to help himself, Kakashi brought a hand up to his head and ran his fingers over the strands that, for the first time in many, many years, were firmly pressed against his head and not standing up in a rebellion against gravity. That was perhaps the largest change his new mission brought about in him.

The last time his hair had been tamed into a ponytail was so many years ago, it brought a slight pain to his chest to just remember. It brought back memories of his father laughing with him, the powerful shinobi's hands gently running a brush through his hair and tying it back. Every day, his father would say that he looked just like his mother with his long hair, but anyone who saw Kakashi standing next to the White Fang would have said it was the other parent he greatly resembled. Down to the tail of silver sweeping across his back, he had been his father's son.

Tightly closing his eyes, Kakashi took a shaky breath. It had been the day he buried his beloved, but dishonored father that he had shorn his once lengthy hair into the style everyone now associated with him. It had been too painful to look into the mirror and see a younger version of his father staring back at him. That day was also when he started covering the lower half of his face.

Unknowingly, Tsunade had made him remember that time in his life when she asked him to change his features enough that no one outside of ANBU would be able to guess who he was. It wasn't just for Iruka's safety, but his own, that no one figured out that the Copy Ninja was the one protecting the teacher. If the person who had attacked Iruka knew of his bodyguard's identity, anyone Kakashi held dear could be in danger. Even if it hurt him to take on this persona, he would do so to protect his few friends and the three young adults that, in all their years together, had become his only family. At all costs, he would protect the trio from any harm.

He could understand Tsunade's own reasoning for such a request and, therefore, didn't argue with her, but instead pulled his hair back like the loyal shinobi he was. From the widening eyes of the woman as she watched him, his features apparently changed a great deal with that small difference in hairstyle. The tall, muscular ANBU member with a long ponytail of silver hair certainly didn't resemble the lanky and lazy jounin who looked like he just rolled out of bed, with dull grey hair sticking out every which way.

Kakashi had to wonder if he would even recognize himself if he saw his reflection in a mirror. Though only in his old uniform for a few days, he was feeling less and less like the confident shinobi he had been just a week ago. Now, plagued with memories of his father, of those months after Obito's death when he slowly went partially blind, and of his years as an assassin, Kakashi wasn't sure exactly who he was anymore.

XXX

Iruka groaned softly, slowly coming into consciousness. The moment he was awake enough to sense his surroundings, the teacher knew he wasn't in his own bed. The mattress beneath him was too soft for him, the smell around him wasn't the mixture of ramen and cleaners that permeated every inch of his apartment, but most of all, Iruka knew he wasn't home because he felt like he had been run over.

Recognizing the drowsiness that accompanied medications, Iruka tried to remember what happened. He tried to lift his head and immediately regretted the movement as a shot of pain hit him in the temple. Falling back down onto the pillow, he took several deep breaths to keep himself from crying out from the sudden migraine. Despite the agony his head was in, Iruka slowly realized that it was far from the worst of his problems.

His chest felt constricted and, as he lifted his hands from his sides to touch his breastbone, he could feel the gauze covering him. Trying to remember what happened, the brunet felt along his forearms, coming in contact with even more bandages. He took a deep breath, recognizing disinfectant and the unmistakable scent of a hospital. Knowing now where he was, he furrowed his eyebrows despite the jolt of searing pain that it resulted in. If he was in a hospital, where was all the noise that went along with the busy building?

Then it hit him. He could clearly picture the envelope that he had opened – the distinctive characters on its contents. There was an explosion, though he couldn't remember it. He had just barely registered that he held an exploding tag in his hands when he was thrown into darkness. Unable to help himself, the teacher cursed softly. At least he might now be able to guilt Tsunade into giving him a few weeks off. It was her fault he had nearly been blown to smithereens!

Taking another breath, he could feel that his chest was stopped from fully expanding by the bandages around it. Breathing shallowly, he tried to ignore the feeling of vertigo as he forced himself to sit up. Too late, he realized he was too weak and dizzy to hold himself up. Iruka cringed at the pain he expected to shoot through him as he fell forwards, but it never came. Instead, he could feel something wrapped around his middle. It was so gentle, it caused his bandaged chest no pain, but at the same time, it was strong and secure. Iruka was amazed to find himself being laid back, though now pillows held him up in a comfortable sitting position. It took him a few moments to realize that the soft pressure had been someone's arms and hands.

"T-thank you," Iruka said. His throat felt scratchy and raw, but the teacher didn't care about the pain his words of gratitude caused him. At that moment, all he was worried about was the fact that he hadn't heard the words come out of his own mouth, though he was entirely certain he said them.

Whoever had been kind enough to catch him and settle him back against the pillows, shifted before him. Iruka could feel the dip of the bed and – despite his racing mind as he tried to figure out why he didn't hear himself speak – he quickly realized his savior had sat down on the edge of the mattress. About to shift to face the person, Iruka froze when he felt that kind touch take his right hand and hold it flat so that his palm was facing up.

Momentarily puzzled, the teacher didn't think about his inability to hear, but instead focused on the light, tingling pressure against his palm. The person was slowly tracing lines out on his hand, and it took Iruka several seconds of concentrating to realize that the stranger was writing characters out on his hand.

_I – ru – ka_

The teacher nodded his head, having taken Naruto to the hospital enough times for head injuries to understand that the person was checking him for amnesia. Though he couldn't remember much about the explosion, he still was able to remember everything before it, which he knew was a miracle considering how close he was to the blast when it had gone off. He should be thankful to still be alive.

_Explosion_

This time, it wasn't hiragana, but kanji that Iruka had to focus all of his attention on to pick up. It was a simple enough word, but it took an amazing amount of concentration for him to recognize the strokes for what they were. The characters were intricate enough that it took Iruka a moment to understand what the person was writing on his hand and realize why he wasn't just being told so.

"Temporary hearing loss from the explosion, ne?" he asked, wincing slightly when he didn't hear his own words. For all he knew, they could be slurred or jumbled and entirely incomprehensible, but from the next set of touches on his palm, he knew he had spoken clearly.

_Hai_

Iruka nodded his head, no longer feeling as terrified by his newfound deafness. Living with Naruto for so many years, he had experienced everything from a ringing in his ears that took a week to go away all the way to a ruptured eardrum. The short-term deafness in his left ear was due to one of his adopted brother's more excited rant-filled explanations that ended in a loud, high-pitched squeal that had given Iruka two months' worth of deafness. Though his hearing was never perfect after that, it taught him that his eardrums could heal – and that was why he just nodded his head at the person's agreement, taking his handicap in stride.

Now knowing why he could hear nothing around him, Iruka focused more of his attention on the rest of his injuries. There were the bandages on his arms and chest – they must be covering lacerations and burns from the explosion. It wasn't enough for him to worry himself over. It took the brunet a few more moments of cataloging his aches and pains for him to realize something that, strangely, hadn't hit him until that moment.

The room around him was pitch-black. He almost snorted at his own idiocy, however, when his hands went up to his face and he felt the soft gauze covering a good majority of his face, including his eyes. Running his fingers along the bandages covering his eyes and the right side of his face, the teacher could only wonder how bad it was.

He could remember trying to turn his face away from the blast, but from the heavily bandaged side of his face, it obviously had still hit him before he could fully turn away. His eyes, on the other hand, were probably covered because they had been burned or otherwise injured by the aftereffects of the explosion. Focusing more of his attention on his eyes, he could feel a stinging pain that felt much like when he was looking around a smoke-filled room – another experience he was familiar with because Naruto had a tendency to set the stove on fire when making ramen.

Feeling a gentle tug on his hands, Iruka understood that the person next to him was trying to pull his hands away from his face. Twisting out of the person's grasp, he stubbornly continued to feel along his bandaged face. Being a curious person, Iruka couldn't help but begin to pull the bandages away from his eyes.

The person grabbed for his hands, hastily writing something on his palm, but Iruka stubbornly ignored it as he went back to pulling the gauze away.

_Don't_

As soon as Iruka got the last of the bandages off of his eyes, the teacher wished he had listened to the person. Excruciating pain hit him as soon as he opened his eyes and he cried out, covering his face with his hands as he clenched his eyes shut again. The burning pain that made it feel like the backs of his eyes were on fire wasn't the worst ache – it was the realization that, even with his eyes open, that pitch-blackness didn't go away.

He was blind. It was a phrase Iruka never would have thought would apply to him, but unable to lie to himself, he had to admit it. The blast had robbed far more from him than his hearing and peace of mind. Pressing his fingertips against his face, he could feel the oily texture of ointment, but he didn't care about the burns that most certainly were scattered across his skin. Burns healed, scars faded, but his eyes were one thing that might never be normal again.

Iruka tried to pull away when he felt gentle fingers wrap around his wrists, pulling his hands away from his face, but his body was too weak to put up much of a fight. One of the person's hands held his wrists down in his lap while the other moved up to Iruka's face to gingerly pull the gauze back down to cover his eyes and the right side of his face.

"I'm blind," Iruka mumbled numbly, sagging forwards as he took a shaky breath. Once the person next to him was done fixing the bandages, that hand moved down to Iruka's palm, writing out a flurry of characters that took every ounce of the teacher's concentration to understand.

_Your blindness might be temporary. Tsunade-sama says it's too early to know for certain._

Nodding his head, Iruka didn't say anything in response. What could he say? Impermanent deafness could be overcome, but blindness, temporary or not, would most definitely result in losing his shinobi position. Unable to see, he couldn't teach classes, he couldn't work in the Missions Office – he could no longer be Tsunade's secretary.

Iruka bit his lower lip in an attempt to stop himself from sobbing as that realization came crashing down on him, but to no avail. The soft sound must have escaped his lips because he could feel the person next to him shift, leaning closer to him. If he had to guess, he would say the person was debating on whether or not to hug him, from the hesitation he could feel radiating off of him or her. That thought – that he knew nothing about this person – gave the teacher a momentary reprieve from his descent into depression.

Iruka could tell the person was strong, despite the gentle touch that he or she used when writing on his hand. His or her fingers were long and graceful, the nails clipped short so that all the teacher could feel as the digits danced across his palm was the smooth feel of skin against his own. Those fingers, however, told the teacher nothing about the person's gender.

_I am sorry for your injuries, Iruka-sensei._

The chuunin frowned, still unable to decide on the person's sex. The person's writing was formal, but not definitive of either gender. Their characters were perhaps the neatest Iruka had ever had the pleasure to read – well, imagine reading. He would have remembered such magnificent handwriting. That knowledge meant that he had never met this person before, for which Iruka was happy for. He would have been terribly embarrassed if it was someone he knew well, but could recognize without hearing their voice or seeing their face.

Unable to help himself, Iruka pulled his hands out of the person's grasp and let his fingers begin touching those long, almost delicate digits, his touch traveling unhindered down to the person's covered palms. It took a moment of feeling the tight material for Iruka to realize the person was wearing fingerless gloves. As his fingers continued to drift, he corrected his assumption. He could feel the warm, smooth curve of something across the backs of those hands and, after a moment of wondering, he recognized them as armored plates.

Now knowing the person before him had to be a shinobi – or one unusual medical professional – Iruka was fascinated. The possibility that there was someone with decent handwriting that he hadn't met in his years at the Missions Office was one he would gladly mull over if it meant he could ignore the truth of his injuries for just a little bit longer.

Trailing his fingers up past the person's wrist, he came in contact with more armor. This time, it took him only a fraction of a second to recognize the guards on the person's forearms. He had to furrow his eyebrows as he continued to lean forwards, his hands curiously traveling along the person's bare upper arms. He could feel the smooth, satiny skin as well as the well-defined, tightly corded muscle underneath.

Mentally making a picture of the person next to him, he tried to imagine someone who wore such strange things as arm guards and plated gloves, but didn't have on the long-sleeved shirt that was part of the customary shinobi uniform. It only took another moment of innocent touching for Iruka to realize why the person before him had such unusual articles on. The moment his fingers touched the front of the person's vest, Iruka scuttled back on his bed and let out an unconscious hiss.

"You're ANBU!" he exclaimed accusingly. Though he couldn't hear his own words, Iruka knew they must have been cold. The person sitting next to him – someone Iruka now knew must be male from the flatness of his chest that the teacher had all but been molesting mere moments before – shifted on the bed. It took Iruka a moment to realize that there was no longer a weight to his side where the shinobi had been sitting.

Feeling a hand grip his wrist, Iruka struggled, but this time, the grip was powerful and unyielding.

_I am ANBU. Tsunade-sama has assigned me to be your bodyguard until your attacker has been dealt with._

Those words made the teacher's blood run cold. Though they were just characters written across his palm, they seemed so emotionless. A gasp must have escaped from his lips because the next thing Iruka knew, the hand on his wrist was loosening and that weight returned to the side of the mattress.

_Forgive me, Iruka-sensei. All of this must be difficult for you to accept, but your life is in danger._

This time, the ANBU member's delicately-written words were not cold, but gentle, almost understanding as Iruka realized that he was right. If Tsunade assigned ANBU to guard him, then he was in dire need of their protection. Recalling the blast that robbed him of two of his five senses, Iruka chuckled, though to anyone who could hear him, it came out as a sob. Perhaps the Hokage was right and he needed every extra bit of defense the man before him could provide.

The thought of someone following him around, however, was one that made Iruka's stomach churn bitterly. Someone to watch as he stumbled, trying to come to grips with losing his sight and hearing? No matter how much safer he would be with such a highly qualified, respected, and powerful person as his shadow, he couldn't stand the idea of having him around.

"I know I'm in danger, but I don't need a babysitter," Iruka replied, his voice holding every ounce of aversion he felt. His hatred wasn't directed towards the man next to him – truthfully, he deeply admired the ANBU forces for everything they did to keep their village safe – but towards the idea of Tsunade assigning him such a person to watch over him, like he was incapable of surviving on his own. "I'm not a child; I can take care of myself."

As soon as he said those words, Iruka knew he was behaving just like the adolescent he said he wasn't. Stubbornness was only one of his many famed qualities, but right next to it were his pride and desperate need for independence. Since he was twelve, he'd had no one to rely on but himself because he refused to accept help from others. He wouldn't listen to the Sandaime when he said Iruka could come live with his family, he wouldn't take the allowances the old man tried to give him – he refused any display of human kindness, even when the only other option was unnecessary suffering.

From the next words that were gently etched out on his hand, Iruka started to get the feeling he might have met his match in sheer dumb determination.

_Too bad. Tsunade-sama told me to watch over you, so you're stuck with me._

If those words had been spoken and Iruka still had his hearing, he would swear that that phrase would have been said in a sing-song voice. Wishing he could glare at his unwanted bodyguard, Iruka settled for a growl as he folded his arms across his chest, hiding his palms so that the man would get the hint that he no longer wanted to talk to him.

After a few uncomfortable moments, Iruka felt the bed shift again. For the briefest of moments, Iruka admitted to himself that the presence of the ANBU member next to him had been somewhat reassuring, but he didn't say anything as he sensed the man moving away. Leaning back against the pillows, Iruka turned his head in the opposite direction he assumed his guard went in.

Unable to do anything else – his mind no longer being busied in unusual conversation with the ANBU member – Iruka found his concentration focusing on the quiet and darkness surrounding him. The loss of his two most important senses was akin to a death sentence to a shinobi. There was no such thing as a blind shinobi – it was an oxymoron. Deafness, on the other hand, was something that could be overcome. As Iruka lay there, glad for the bandages covering his eyes because they soaked up his tears before they became visible to functioning eyes, he found himself picking up on small things he would have never noticed otherwise.

He couldn't hear him, nor could he see him, but he knew that the man hadn't left the room. Just knowing that the powerful shinobi was there was a strange comfort. The sensation of eyes on him – of another person being in the room – was enough to make the teacher smile despite the fact he felt like he was going to drown in darkening emotion.

XXX

"This isn't fair to him, Tsunade-sama," Kakashi stated coldly as he glared at the Hokage through his mask, knowing full well she wouldn't be able to see his expression. If she could, she would most certainly ask him to explore his emotions or some other psychoanalyzing crap that he had dealt with in all these years as one of her favorite shinobi. Having a boss who was also one of the greatest medical minds to exist was perhaps the worst thing he could have asked for.

"Why do you say that?" Tsunade asked as she eyed him, giving him a knowing glance that told Kakashi she was mere moments away from starting to spout some psychology-filled speech about how his issues with relationships with others directly stemmed from his problems with his father. It seemed that she was the only person who didn't tiptoe around discussing something as sensitive as his father. Not even Naruto was that bold, but then again, the Hokage didn't seem to care about offending him, whereas the loudmouthed blonde knew what it was like to lose one's parents and did his best to not remind Kakashi about his own loss.

"He sees me as a babysitter. In assigning me to him, you gave him the impression that he can no longer take care of himself," Kakashi replied, knowing that if he wanted to escape the woman's presence in the near future, he had to fully explain himself. Seeing Tsunade's disbelieving glance, he sighed before continuing, "In a matter of a few minutes, he discovered that he is temporarily deaf, possibly permanently blind, and has been saddled with an unwanted ANBU guard, whose job it is to follow him everywhere he goes."

"Iruka knows better than that. He was nearly killed!" Tsunade retorted indignantly, but then took a moment to put herself in the proud teacher's place. Would she be thankful for having someone being assigned to watch over her, when all she would want to do would be to crawl into a hole and hide away from the world? And hide would be what she would want to do.

She wouldn't want anyone to see her in such a state. She would most certainly not want someone to watch her round the clock. She would have done the same as Iruka and taken the bodyguard as insult on her capabilities as a person. But how long would it take her to realize that she truly had lost some of her independence with those two important senses? Would she ever fully accept such a thing when she was once a powerful and respected shinobi?

How long would it be before she was comfortable enough to be around people who had all five of their senses? She had the feeling that there would be a long period of time where she would loathe such people who didn't need others' aid to live out their day-to-day life.

Iruka's deafness wasn't what was making it difficult for her to see him living alone – he had done it once before with no problems. His blindness, however, was something that worried her. How could he teach classes, how could he cook and clean… how could he do most of the things anyone with sight would take for granted?

Glancing over at Kakashi, she furrowed her eyebrows. Before her stood a jounin renowned for his abilities, and that was the only thing most people saw when they looked at him, but he was also a person that she had gotten to know and deeply respect over the years. She had seen what he was capable of, and most of it was far more difficult than domestic chores like cooking and cleaning. If Kakashi could become the jounin with over a thousand jutsu even after he lost vision in one eye, why couldn't Iruka learn to live with his handicap as well?

Studying the masked man before her, Tsunade felt a flare of hope for the first time in days. Maybe Iruka's situation wasn't as bad as she originally thought, if he could get past the idea of having a bodyguard and actually let Kakashi help him. Though he was secretive, aloof, and otherwise guarded around others, Kakashi was perhaps one of the kindest people she knew. If he could help Iruka in any way, the jounin would do everything in his power to do just that.

Yes, there might just be reason to hope.

XXX

Kakashi found himself in a position that was becoming all too common. His foot was one again pressed to the same wall he was sagging against to keep his leg from bouncing nervously, his arms were folded across his chest and his eyes were on his charge. This time, however, Iruka was moving in his slumber. With each shift of the younger man's body and every soft sound that came out of him, Kakashi felt another twinge of self-loathing hit him. He most certainly could have been a little more delicate with Iruka's situation, but he had panicked when the teacher had woken up.

Iruka had seemed somewhat disoriented at first, but as soon as Kakashi started to write in his hand, the teacher had calmed down a bit – until he had tried to take off the bandages around his eyes. Recalling the first morning he woke up, opening his left eye and meeting that painful _nothingness_, he understood the shock Iruka had been jolted with. He momentarily wondered which of their situations was worse – a sudden blindness or a slow, irreversible, unstoppable degeneration. Kakashi would have begged for Iruka's instantaneous blindness, had he had a choice.

He should have told Iruka why Tsunade assigned him specifically to the teacher, but he had frozen when Iruka's fingers had started touching him. It was meant to be impersonal, Kakashi knew, but at the same time, it was the most intimate touch he had ever felt. In those few moments, his entire body was alive with sensations. Unable to do anything else as he fought between the two opposing urges of pulling away and fleeing or leaning into that unintentionally seductive touch, he had only sat there in a mixture of desire and horror as the teacher's hands moved up his arms and to his chest.

He had seen the shock and disgust that had crossed the teacher's bandaged face as Iruka had spit out those words. _You're ANBU!_ It seemed that, no matter what or who he was, the teacher would hate him. And Iruka didn't even know it was him! He didn't see the unfamiliar image everyone else was met with; he didn't hear the voice altered slightly by his mask. He didn't know him at all, but he instinctively showed hatred towards Kakashi.

It had been those emotions – the teacher's immediate reaction to him – that had made Kakashi lash back. He had enjoyed forcibly telling the teacher that Iruka was stuck with him, but the soft whimper Iruka had let out in response melted away those dark feelings. He had instantly been wracked with guilt for acting as he had. Iruka asked for none of this and was understandably unhappy about being assigned a bodyguard. It was not an aversion towards Kakashi, but towards the ANBU member that was to protect him with his life.

Iruka hated the person that would always be watching him, seeing him stumble on uneven ground, bump into things, and show a clumsy side that no one would have thought to associate with the brunet. It wouldn't have mattered what ANBU member was guarding him – it would have resulted in the same dislike.

Though that realization made him feel slightly better, Kakashi still felt a strange tightness in his chest as he watched the teacher shift again in his sleep. The brunet then let out a soft sniffle that made the silver-haired man cringe. It hurt that Iruka had refused his help so quickly, but a part of the jounin couldn't help but be glad he had. If Iruka had fallen against him, sobbing as he was unconsciously doing now, would he have had the strength to keep up his unfeeling disguise? Would he have comforted the man? Would he have told Iruka of his own handicap, though he had never admitted it to anyone before?

Then again, how could he not have done all that when all he wanted to do now was go and dry the brunet's tears? He ached to hold him and reassure him, but how could he? He had lived these past ten years without anyone knowing his other deeply hidden secret, but to get close to the teacher would most certainly increase his chances for exposure.

Watching Iruka sleep, he could only wonder how he could protect the teacher, but necessarily distance himself at the same time. He longed to do everything he could to help Iruka cope with his injuries. He wanted to be more to the man than just a bodyguard. He wanted to be a friend, a confidant – someone that Iruka could rely on and trust. He wanted to be to Iruka what he had desperately needed for himself all those years ago, but never received. There had been no one to understand him, to be an anchor to save him from those dark emotions, and it was mainly because he had been so alone then that he was the emotionally-handicapped person he was now.

He refused to let Iruka go down that same path. He would be all those things for the brunet, no matter how dangerous it was for him. But how could he get close to Iruka and still hide the one thing not even Tsunade had ever figured out?

How could he pretend to not love him?

XXX

B.Z.: ... Awwwwwwe! So sweet! Oh I just want to glomp someone! **sniffles** Great story, and I can't wait to read more of it! **buries head in pile of Kleenex**

Authoress: Kuku…another chapter betaed by the wonderful B.Z.-chan! Thank you! As for the story *cries* I hate to admit it, but I think that there will be a very good chance it gets quite dark in the next few chapters. But don't lose hope! And don't forget to review! We authors type a load faster when we get some kind of feedback! So, until next time, ja ne!


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

Unable to do much else, Iruka laid still as he focused his attention on the other presence he could sense in the room. For once, he couldn't feel the ANBU member's eyes on him, but there was something that told the brunet that he was still around. It took him a few moments to realize that, though obviously well-cloaked, it was the man's chakra that informed Iruka he was nearby. It was a tiny flare of energy that warmed the air in the room ever so slightly. It was so faint that Iruka doubted a person would even be able to notice unless they were concentrating as closely as he was.

"I thought I told you I didn't need a babysitter," Iruka commented. Though unable to hear his words, he had the feeling they would sound cold to anyone's ears. The first shock of losing his sight and hearing had worn off, but the brunet couldn't decide what was worse – that fear from yesterday or the numbing emptiness that he now felt.

That warm energy flickered, telling Iruka that the ANBU member had heard him and responded in some way. He doubted the man had spoken, so Iruka was left with trying to figure out what the elite shinobi could have done. Had he been surprised to cause such a waver in his energy? Or had he moved in some way?

Feeling eyes on him, Iruka realized that the ANBU member must have turned to look at him. Now knowing what caused the brief change in his almost undetectable energy, Iruka turned his head towards the origin of that chakra.

"You must have something better to do than hang around the hospital," he added as he concentrated even more on his guard's energy. After a few moments, he felt another burst of energy disperse throughout the room. Something else changed in the air around him. It was faint – even more so than the ANBU member's chakra – but Iruka was just barely able to pick it up. It was a weak scent of mint. It took Iruka quite a while to guess that the man had sighed.

Slowly, that energy approached him. Had it not been for his hearing loss once before, Iruka would have been unnerved by the lack of sound as the ANBU member approached him and sat down on the edge of the bed. As the mattress dipped down, Iruka sat up, his body in far less pain than it had been yesterday. Almost unconsciously, he stretched his hand out until he came in contact with the man's long fingers.

_You sound better this morning, Iruka-sensei. I take it you slept well?_

Iruka furrowed his eyebrows, biting back the snappish retort he wanted to say. He was not going to demand that the ANBU member have intercourse with himself – he would not give the man the satisfaction of riling him up. And the brunet had the feeling the ANBU member _would_ be satisfied with an angry response. Instead, he settled for a forced smile that he was certain would throw the man off.

"Wonderfully. And I'm sure you had a great time watching me sleep all night long," Iruka replied calmly, nearly snickering when he felt the ANBU member's fingers jerk back in surprise. He hadn't been sure that that was what the man had done all night, but that quick response told him his guess was right. All he had been certain of was that the man had been there every single time he had woken up throughout his restless night.

If nothing else, the sarcasm he now felt would help fill the void left from yesterday.

After a few moments, the man's fingers returned to his palm, though they made no characters immediately. It was as though he wasn't sure what to tell Iruka. Having never thought shinobi to be hesitant – especially not ANBU – the brunet was interested.

_It's not healthy to bottle up your emotions and pretend that you are fine, Iruka-sensei._

If he could have done so without agonizing pain, Iruka would have rolled his eyes at the man's comment. It was almost identical to what he had told Naruto a number of times, but the thought that someone else was trying to give him that same advice rubbed the teacher the wrong way. Growling softly – or at least what Iruka hoped was quietly, though for all he knew, he was loud enough for the entire hospital to hear – the chuunin turned his head to the side, away from the direction his guard was sitting in.

When Naruto pretended to be that constantly happy child, Iruka had done everything he could to get the blonde to open up, to show some of that pain that he had tried to hide away so that it wouldn't one day overwhelm him. It was a defense mechanism all shinobi seemed to share – and a very unhealthy one at that – but Iruka didn't care that the ANBU member was right. He would rather not feel anything than cope with the pain and fear that would most certainly engulf him if he let them. No, a calm and confident façade was much easier to manage.

"Is there any way I can get rid of you?" Iruka asked, hoping to change the subject away from his emotional state. He wasn't sure, but he had the feeling his voice had sounded weary. Not even a full day around the ANBU member and he was already exhausted by his presence.

_There's nothing you can do. I'll leave when we catch your attacker. Until then, you have to deal with me._

Iruka couldn't wait for the day his hearing returned. If the man's voice was just as bouncy and mocking as his characters made him seem, the brunet felt like it would entirely be within his rights to strangle the optimistic bastard. After the ANBU member, Tsunade would be next for assigning such a person to Iruka.

"Pain in my ass," Iruka grumbled under his breath. In response, another, stronger wave of mint assaulted his nose and the brunet wished his eyes were uncovered so he could properly glare at the ANBU member – blind or not. The man was laughing at him, he knew it!

_I'm not _that_ bad, Iruka-sensei. And I won't be a pain in your ass unless you ask me really nicely._

The suggestiveness of that comment made Iruka's cheeks color despite the chuunin's best attempts to keep his expression angry. The blush certainly took away from his pitiful efforts to frighten the ANBU member away with his fearful glare and grimace combination that sent most students into tears. Not only bubbly, his bodyguard was also a pervert! Tsunade better have a good reason for assigning such a person to him.

"If you are going to unnecessarily follow me around, what am I supposed to call you? 'Asshole' doesn't seem like a good option if we're out in public," Iruka commented, turning his head back to face the elite shinobi.

_Inu._

It was a quick response, as though the man was nervous. Iruka furrowed his eyebrows, wondering when he had become so quick to judge peoples' moods just by a brief movement. Then again, he had years of reading mission reports, so he had grown accustomed to reading 'underneath the underneath' when it came to the unstated implications in a written report. It didn't take much to adapt his unique ability to this situation.

"I take it you wear a dog mask?" Iruka asked. Despite himself and his hatred of the ANBU member, he found he was somewhat curious about the man. _Inu._ With that kind of name, the man might be a member of the Inuzuka clan, but Iruka doubted it. No Inuzuka would be without their dog for long and he had certainly not gotten the feeling a canine was in his hospital room. Who else, then, would be named after that animal?

_Hai._

Iruka also had the feeling the man before him was not an Inuzuka because the only remaining male member of the clan was Kiba. Even with such a dangerous mission, the trickster would have told him exactly who he was. It would have been a relief to know that someone he cared for and deeply respected was the person protecting him. And, as close as he and the brunet had become over the years since Kiba graduated from the academy, Kiba would certainly not make a perverted joke like the ANBU member had done. It would be far too awkward of a situation for both of them had such a statement come from Kiba.

"Inu… is there a reason for your name?" Iruka finally let his curiosity get the better of him as he shifted in his bed, focusing all of his attention on the man mere inches away. He felt several consecutive puffs of air hit his face, all smelling and tasting of the mint he was starting to associate with the shinobi. The bastard was laughing again!

_I have very good senses. Some say even better than an Inuzuka._

Iruka shook his head, not believing it. Kiba could pick up the smallest of things – whether it be what Iruka had for dinner the night before or which jogging route the teacher had taken that morning just by the smell of him. It was slightly unnerving at first, but in time, Iruka got used to his student's impeccable sense of smell. Kiba's hearing and sight were also abnormally sensitive. It was to the point the brunet had been distracted by things occurring several blocks away from the academy.

_You don't believe me?_

"I taught an Inuzuka. He was able to tell me when the Sandaime was having a meeting several streets over," Iruka replied truthfully. The idea that the man in front of him could possibly have senses equaling those of an Inuzuka was insanity.

_In my case, it takes a great deal of concentration. You have a knack for it – without sight or hearing, you can pick up on things you would have otherwise not noticed at all._

Iruka didn't say anything, momentarily amazed at how Inu had known he was able to tell when the ANBU member was laughing or sighing, when his eyes were on him. Even little things like shifting his weight on his feet – they were things that Iruka could pick up, but it took the teacher a few moments to discern what the changes he sensed meant.

_You pouted when I was chuckling before, so you obviously knew what I was doing._

That explained how the man had known that Iruka was paying an inordinate amount of attention to little things that gave him some idea about what was going on around him. "You smell like mint," Iruka stated quietly. He didn't know why, but his face warmed at that admission. For some strange reason, he felt embarrassed for noticing such a thing.

_And you smell like medicine._

"You have such a way with words," Iruka responded quickly, feeling the barest of smirks come to his face. Their banter was strangely comforting; it kept away that numbness and made Iruka feel less like the useless and lost person he was. Inu made no mention of his handicaps, but treated him just like he was anyone else.

_I haven't gotten started yet, Iruka-sensei._ _I haven't told you about your hair-_

Abruptly, Inu's hands were gone, leaving Iruka's fingers strangely cold and, if the teacher had to be truthful, lonely. In the same moment as that strong, yet gentle grip left him, the weight disappeared from his bed. Shifting his attention away from his tingling palm, the brunet felt a change in the room. That flicker of energy he could sense before was now radiating everywhere. Momentarily shocked by the sheer amount of chakra, it took Iruka quite some time to notice that that small amount of energy was still there, originating next to his bed. Another few seconds of studying the differences between the immense chakra and that little flame told him that they were different chakras. Someone else – a very powerful someone – must have entered the room.

Iruka turned his head in the direction he assumed the door was in. It wasn't long after that he felt a different touch on his hand. This time, the fingers were most certainly feminine, but they were far stronger than Inu's had been.

"Hokage-sama," Iruka greeted, assuming the woman now sitting down on the edge of his bed was none other than his lazy boss. A deep breath made him realize he had to be right – the air around him was thick with the smell and taste of sake.

_How are you, Iruka?_

"Other than reeking of medicine, as my babysitter has informed me? Fine," Iruka replied as he turned his head back to face the place he could sense Inu standing in. Another wave of mint assailed his nose and Iruka found himself smiling, sure that his bodyguard had not been expecting him to tell the Hokage about their conversation if his chuckling was any indication.

_Apparently you're feeling much better._

Ignoring the tightening in his stomach, Iruka kept his smile in place. He didn't want to ask Tsunade how he could possibly feel better when he was blind, deaf, and saddled with an annoying, but strangely comforting ANBU member to watch over him. He had the feeling that such a comment would only end in him yelling. It was better for all of them if he just ignored that momentary sensation of anger.

_I just came by to check up on you and to see how you and your bodyguard were getting along. It looks like you two were having fun before._

Biting the inside of his cheek, Iruka didn't speak. How could it be considered _fun_ when two of his five senses were missing, leaving him stuck in bed where he had to deal with the aggravating presence of Inu? He did not enjoy having to focus all of his attention on his hand so that he could understand what someone was trying to say to him. He hated no longer being able to hold a normal conversation with someone because he couldn't hear them, nor could he read their lips like he had last time he had lost his hearing. He couldn't stand having to guess what was going on around him or who was nearby, watching him with that pity he could sense coming from the Hokage now.

That overwhelming sense of sympathy was what did it for him. He was fine with Inu's harmless mocking and the ANBU member's presence. To a degree, he could even stand Tsunade being in the same room as him, though her uncloaked chakra was starting to hurt his head. But the thought of her pitying him made his anger boil out of control, no longer containable in the same place he had hidden the rest of his emotions.

"Get out!" Iruka demanded. He wasn't sure if he had whispered it or screamed it at the top of lungs – and he didn't care in either case. At that moment, all he wanted was Tsunade and her compassion gone. Ripping his hands out of the woman's grasp, he tightened them into fists and repeated himself, this time certain that he was loud enough for the whole city to hear.

Suddenly, the Hokage's presence was gone, as was Inu's. Left alone in the room, Iruka bowed his head, wondering where that warm, comforting presence of his guard had gone. He had only meant for Tsunade to leave. Inu didn't pity him – he treated him like a normal person – and because of that, Iruka could stand having him around.

XXX

"What the hell was that?" Tsunade demanded, wrenching her arm out of Kakashi's bruising grasp. She had never before seen the jounin move so quickly, so she had no chance to defend herself as he had dragged her out of the room and down the hallway, only slowing to a stop on the other end of the hospital floor. Though Iruka couldn't hear them, Kakashi had moved them out of hearing range – whether intentionally or not. "I didn't say anything to him about his injuries." Though she had desperately wanted to apologize for putting him in such a dangerous situation, she knew better than that. She didn't want to remind Iruka about his handicaps while he was still growing accustomed to them. She could not, however, help but feel sorry for the teacher.

"He isn't an idiot – he can still sense emotion. Do _not_ treat him differently just because he cannot see or hear you," Kakashi replied quietly, though his tone was far deeper than Tsunade had ever heard before. She stared at him, her annoyance swelling when she caught a glimpse of his shadowed eyes through his mask. He was furious at _her_!

"And what were you doing? Writing on his hand isn't treating him differently?" Tsunade retorted, glaring at the jounin. She would not admit to him that Iruka's outburst had surprised her – perhaps even scared her. In all the years she had known the academy teacher, she had never seen him blow up like that.

"I was adapting to his situation. Not talking to him at all would have been far worse," Kakashi responded as his arm lowered to his side, his fist clenching and loosening rhythmically for a few seconds as the silver-haired man took deep breaths to calm himself back down. "Your pity was what set him off."

"Pity? Of course I pity him! He has lost everything!" Tsunade pointed out as she eyed the jounin. That little bit of calmness that had returned was quickly lost as Kakashi's entire body tightened until he nearly trembled. It was only then, as she stared at the jounin bowing his masked head, the muscles in his arm shivering from strain as he fought the urge to lash out at her, that she started to understand.

Before her stood a partially blind man who had become arguably _the_ greatest shinobi of his generation. Most of his feats were accomplished after losing function of one eye, but he had never once let his handicap hold him back. He refused to let anyone feel sorry for him. He would rather live a lie than have to deal with others' pity. Kakashi was no longer thinking about just Iruka – this was about him as well.

Tsunade had the feeling that if she ever attempted to treat the proud jounin differently because of his handicap, he might just lose that steely control over himself and snap at her.

"I'm sorry," Tsunade whispered softly, not sure how exactly she _should _treat Kakashi and Iruka. Their cases were similar, but she couldn't think of ever feeling any pity for the jounin before her. She had never known Kakashi before he lost half his sight, so perhaps that was what made the difference between the two men. Iruka was someone she had known for so long, she knew exactly how his handicaps would affect him. That thought – that his entire life now had to be turned upside down because of his injury – hurt her. She could not help but feel sorry for him.

Kakashi did not verbally respond to her apology, but his body relaxed slightly and his fists loosened as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. After several seconds of silence, the jounin turned away from her, his gaze focused on the floor.

"I want Iruka out of the hospital," Kakashi finally said. At that, he looked up at the Hokage, his shadowed eyes daring her to argue with him. The idea of moving someone whose life was threatened was dangerous enough – to do so with someone who could no longer defend himself was insanity. Tsunade, however, kept those thoughts to herself as she waited for Kakashi to explain himself. "The sooner he gets back to a normal life, the better. It will be some time before he will be comfortable with teaching again. He first has to relearn how to do everything without his eyes."

"Everything?" Tsunade repeated, raising an eyebrow at the jounin's statement. She wanted to agree with him, but she had no idea how Iruka could possibly relearn so many things that had been dependant on his sight. Most of all, she feared for the teacher's safety; another side of her worried about his mental stability. Would Iruka be able to cope with stumbling everywhere, needing to ask for help with once simple chores, and other problems he would encounter? She did not even want to consider what kind of danger Iruka would be in if the stubborn jounin took it into his head to train Iruka to fight without his most important sense.

"You would be surprised how little you need your vision." Kakashi's words were so soft that Tsunade almost didn't catch them. However, she heard him and smiled sadly as she remembered all the things Kakashi had accomplished by teaching himself how to live with his own loss of vision. He had somehow been able to do it alone – his presence around Iruka could only help the teacher.

"I hope you know what you are doing," Tsunade replied. Without another word, Kakashi made his way back to Iruka's room. As he walked, she followed him with her eyes and found herself for the first time noticing little things about his movements. Though his gait was slow, it could not be called lazy. Only with the trained eye of a medic could she see that his balance shifted differently than a normal person's, putting all of his weight to one side as he stepped with the opposite foot. It took only a few seconds for Tsunade to realize that he must do it so that, if by chance he ever did misstep, he would not stumble. Maneuvering around objects and people, he gave both a wide berth – just in case he misjudged the distance separating them. They were small things that anyone unaware of his condition would never even notice, but now watching him, Tsunade wondered what it had been like for Kakashi those first few years after losing sight in one eye.

To hide everything that might reveal his condition to others – to learn to walk so that he would not constantly trip or bump into things, to fight with a massive blind spot – it all seemed impossible to do, but as she watched Kakashi walk into the chuunin's room, she had the feeling it was far harder than she could even begin to imagine.

Perhaps it was because she caught a glimpse of the jounin's left shoulder ramming into the frame of the door as he turned to enter the room. It happened so quickly, no one else walking down the hallway noticed it, and it was only because she was closely watching him that Tsunade had seen his moment of clumsiness at all. It might have also been how Kakashi ignored it as though nothing happened, refusing to draw attention to himself even though, with the force that his shoulder had hit into the doorframe, it must have hurt him. Either way, those lessons were obviously things that would take a lifetime to master.

XXX

Iruka had to fight the urge to smile when he sensed Inu – or more specifically, that small little flame of energy that he had quickly come to associate with the man – enter the room. Though the shinobi was optimistic, bubbly, perverse, and otherwise everything that grated on Iruka's nerves, the man's presence was something the brunet was thankful for.

"What was that about?" Iruka asked softly as he shifted on the bed in order to give the man room to sit down. Almost as soon as he spoke, Iruka could feel those strong fingers grip his wrist and turn his hand so that his palm was up.

_I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei._

"You didn't do anything you need to apologize for," Iruka replied slowly. He was not going to mention how his momentary burst of unchecked anger was because of Tsunade and her pity for him. Inu was kind and understanding, but how could anyone sympathize with him? How could an ANBU bodyguard know what it was like to be helpless, powerless, and, worst of all, have to live with everyone's pity because of it? To constantly be reminded that he was not whole anymore, that he was in some way flawed and broken?

_You are being discharged from the hospital today._

For a moment, Iruka could not think of anything intelligent to say. Only a few days ago, he had nearly been blown to pieces and, in those past several days, he had his entire life torn apart. No one dared to speak to him about it – not Inu and obviously not Tsunade. The doctors and nurses that came in intermittently did not speak to him at all. No one told him that he had lost his shinobi status. They didn't want to tell him that, for the first time since he was five years old, he was a defenseless civilian.

"And what am I going to do outside the hospital?" Iruka wasn't sure how his voice sounded to Inu's ears, but he hoped that it held every bit of acid that he felt as he tore his hand away from the ANBU. He wanted the man to feel the same stinging pain that Iruka did his best to ignore, but it always came back to him whenever he was left alone to drown in his own thoughts.

No longer concentrating on the ANBU sitting next to him, Iruka turned his head to the side as he bit down on the insides of his cheeks to keep another outburst from erupting from his mouth. Feeling those long fingers slowly snake around his wrist, Iruka jerked backwards in a mixture of surprise and anger. Even without his sight and hearing, he had been able to tell when Inu was getting ready to talk to him – but now, with his attention focused entirely on his blossoming anger, he knew nothing about what was going on around him. It was just another stab to his heart.

"Why can't you leave me alone!" he snarled as he turned his head back in the bodyguard's direction. "I can't go back to the academy, I can't work at the Missions Office or as Tsunade's secretary, so what else could I possibly do outside the hospital? I will be sitting around my apartment, unable to do anything! I don't need an ANBU bodyguard to do that!" Raking his fingers through his hair, Iruka bowed his head and quietly admitted the only thing he was sure of anymore.

"I wish my attacker had succeeded."

_This_ was not life – having to depend on someone else for everything, unable to fend for himself. Without his shinobi status, his life meant nothing. It wasn't worth living if he couldn't do what he loved. Iruka wasn't sure when he started crying, but slowly became aware of the fact that he was sobbing. His throat hurt, his eyes burned and his lips had the salty taste of tears covering them. After several gasps for air, Iruka began breathing deeply in hopes of calming himself back down. Any chance of that quickly disappeared when he felt something against his left cheek.

A single finger brushed at the wet line of tears that escaped from underneath his bandages and trekked down his less marred cheek. Weakened from his outburst, Iruka didn't have the strength to pull away. Instead, he leaned into the tender touch, recognizing the callus-hardened digit as that of his stubborn bodyguard. After several moments of that gentle pressure against his cheek, Iruka tried to take a breath, but only succeeded in letting out another sob.

Though blind and temporarily deaf, Iruka still had many of his shinobi qualities, which included impossible speed. Using that swiftness, he moved to curl up against the ANBU who was trying to comfort him. Clinging to the man, he pressed his head against his vest, not caring about the stabs of pain that ran through his arms and chest due to his quick movements or the agony his face was in as he buried it into a muscular chest.

For the briefest of moments, he felt the man's body tighten, reflexively preparing for an attack, but that unease quickly dissipated, replaced by another type of awkwardness. Iruka didn't have to see to know that the shinobi he was clinging to was having a large mental debate on whether or not to embrace him – he could feel the man's muscular arms shifting back and forth as he tried to make up his mind. Finally, those strong limbs wrapped around him and simply held him until, after what seemed like an eternity, Iruka finally ran out of tears.

_Feel better?_

Iruka let out a breath of air that he could only assume sounded like a choked laugh. Those long fingers now wrote across his back, not even trying to get Iruka to release his vice-like grip on the ANBU's vest.

_If you would have given me a chance to explain, I was going to tell you that you are going to take a vacation, and you will be returning to the academy when you are ready. You have not lost your shinobi status – and you won't, so long as you can prove you still deserve your chuunin title._

A mixture of emotions flooded Iruka at those words. Disbelief, anger, embarrassment, and gratitude washed over him as he tightened his fingers around the elite shinobi's vest. Inu didn't have to state it outright. Iruka understood that the ANBU member had something to do with why he was still being considered a shinobi despite his handicaps.

"Thank you," Iruka whispered into the man's vest, unable to do anything else. No longer fighting fresh tears, he slowly released the ANBU, leaning away from him, but his hands rebelliously remained on that chest whose muscles could still be clearly felt through the vest protecting the elite shinobi. "But…" He swallowed heavily, unsure how to ask a man he had only known for two days why he was doing all of this for him. How did Inu get Tsunade to agree to such conditions? Why had he done it? Was there some reason behind Inu being assigned to him?

_It will be difficult to adapt without your eyes or ears, but it is not impossible._

Those words, delicately traced across Iruka's back, were ones that made the teacher shiver. It was not simply the feel of the elite shinobi's fingers pressing against his skin, mapping out characters that took every ounce of concentration for Iruka to understand, that made him tremble. Those words made Iruka realize that Inu was different from everyone else.

The ANBU bodyguard showed him no pity, but treated him as an equal. He firmly believed that Iruka could adjust to a life with his injuries so much so that he could resume his duties in time. The brunet had the strange feeling that Inu had such faith in him because he was the only person who could truly understand what the teacher was going through.

_As soon as you are dressed, we can leave._

Unable to help himself, Iruka asked, "You aren't going to offer to help, are you?" He tilted his head back out of habit, as though he was going to look up into the shinobi's face, but instead of seeing physical features, he was hit by the sweet aroma of mint. Underneath his hands, he could feel the man's chest rise and fall in rapid succession. Inu was laughing again!

_You are not an invalid. Dress yourself. I'll be waiting outside the room when you are ready to leave._

Iruka smiled at that comment. Inu's words would have been considered unfeeling – cruel perhaps – by other people, but to Iruka, they were the kindest things the bodyguard could have possibly said. Even Naruto, as much as he loved his adopted brother, would have treated him differently, assuming he was incapable of taking care of himself without his vision and hearing.

As the man moved to stand up and leave the room, Iruka nodded his head, agreeing with the guard's statement. He could only hope Inu understood how much he appreciated not being watched every moment and having people assume he was unable to do something as ordinary as dressing himself.

Iruka had the feeling that his bodyguard knew exactly how he felt, though he had no idea why someone like Inu could understand what it was like to be a blind shinobi.

XXX

Kakashi leaned his head back against the wall, fighting the urge to go check on his proud, stubborn charge. So far, he had heard three loud bangs, several interesting curses, and the crash of something breaking, but there were no cries of pain or requests for help. He could only wonder if Iruka would ever ask for help voluntarily. Considering everything he knew about the teacher, probably not.

Closing his eyes, he took several deep breaths in hopes of calming his racing heart. He had never expected Iruka would look to him for comfort, especially not to the point where the brunet began sobbing against his chest. The jounin bit his lip, replaying that one heart-stopping moment when Iruka had pulled away and looked up at him – well, tilted his face upwards. Realizing how close those soft, moist lips were to his, Kakashi understandably began to hyperventilate.

If it had not been for Iruka's loss of hearing, the teacher would have certainly known something was wrong with him. With Iruka's deafness, the jounin could only hope that the pout on the teacher's face meant he had assumed Kakashi was laughing again. How could he have explained to the brunet why he was gasping for air without telling the younger man that he had to fight to keep himself from kissing him? And Kakashi wasn't sure if he could have stopped with just one kiss. Suddenly, the door to his right opened and his charge calmly stepped out of the room, thus wrenching Kakashi out his painful, impossible fantasy of kissing the teacher senseless.

Fully clothed in an outfit Gai had been kind enough to pick up from the brunet's apartment the other day, Iruka looked a thousand times better than he did in the pale hospital garb.

Kakashi's fingers itched to reach out and fix the uneven cuffs of the teacher's shirt, but he valiantly fought against doing so. Instead, he looked over the teacher in astonishment. Had it not been for the thick bandages covering three quarters of the teacher's face, no one could possibly tell that he was unable to see.

Iruka had been able to dress himself in his customary shinobi uniform, but opted to roll up the sleeves – unevenly, though Kakashi was not going to complain – so that the material wasn't tightly wrapped around the bandages on his forearms. Though Iruka had made no comments on the injuries covering his chest and arms, Kakashi had the feeling that they pained the stubborn man almost as much as those to his face.

"I bumped into the nightstand before," Iruka calmly explained the noises that had come from the room while turning his head in Kakashi's direction, though the teacher had obviously not heard something break. Had it not been for the fact he had over a day to get used to the teacher's eerie ability to figure out his exact location, Kakashi would have been a little unnerved at how accurately Iruka was guessing his position. Instead, he let out a silent chuckle, now knowing that – with his fantastic sense of smell – Iruka would understand exactly what he was doing.

"And you laugh at me…" Though he grumbled, Kakashi couldn't hear any anger or hurt in those words, so the jounin simply snorted again before pushing off the wall and moving to stand next to Iruka. Without any kind of prompt on Kakashi's part, a tanned hand was held out pleasantly.

Kakashi could only shake his head, wondering if Iruka would even need more than a few months in order to adapt before returning to school. So far, the teacher had surprised him at every turn. Even with his chakra almost fully cloaked, Iruka could still sense him. He could pick up on small movements and actions by using his remaining senses to the point he was aware of things that others with their sight could not pick up on.

Lifting his fingers, he began writing as neatly as he could. All the calligraphy classes his father had made him take as a child had never been put to use until these past few days. He had never before wanted to take the time to write so that someone else would have no problem reading his characters. With Iruka, however, he was willing to show some patience.

_I was wondering how long it was going to take you._

He made no mention of the uneven cuffs, nor did he point out that Iruka had actually been able to blindly navigate the room and dress himself in only twenty minutes. He didn't say that he was infinitely impressed by how quickly Iruka was adapting. Getting dressed was normal enough that Iruka would not appreciate the awe. It would be better for the teacher if Kakashi treated him as though there was nothing wrong with him.

As Iruka stepped over the threshold, Kakashi moved quickly. Before it even registered in his mind that the teacher tripped over the small lip separating the room from the hallway, the brunet was against his chest and his arms were protectively wrapped around the younger man.

Time itself seemed to stop as Kakashi looked down at the brunet against him and he lost all ability to breathe and think rationally as he slowly realized that his dreams had come true and the handsome man was in his arms.

In the past day, he had quickly come to realize that Iruka's normal body temperature was slightly higher than his own. Now with the teacher pressed flush against his body, that minute difference in temperature was glaringly obvious as every inch of the jounin's front felt like it was on fire. It was a burning sensation that the silver-haired man was all too eager to endure. Swallowing heavily, Kakashi could only stare as he felt Iruka shift within his embrace, his tanned hands going up to gently press against his chest.

It took him several seconds to get the hint that Iruka was instinctively trying to push him away. Reluctantly, Kakashi slowly released the man, mourning the loss of the teacher's addictive warmth. As soon as his arms were no longer surrounding the brunet, he began nervously scratching the back of his head and fell back a few paces. He doubted that Iruka had even had time to fully realize that he was about to fall face-first to the ground before he was snatched out of the air by the jounin. He had promised himself to let Iruka learn for himself, but a part of him could not help but want to protect the brunet from any scratch and bruise that might result from his blindness. As he took another step back, he studied the teacher.

"You have fast reflexes" was the only thing Iruka said in response to the jounin's hasty act. His words were soft, but not condemning as Kakashi would have thought they would be. He had all but clung to the younger man, greedily memorizing every line and curve of the teacher's frame and now looking at the brunet, he felt wholly embarrassed by his actions. Iruka's discomfort was obvious from the blush peeking out from underneath the bandages on the left side of his face.

As Iruka silently walked out into the hallway, he only stumbled slightly, but was quick to correct his balance, so Kakashi kept his distance, knowing that his aid would not be welcomed. A few more steps were taken, but with each one, Iruka became more secure in his footing. By the end of the hallway, the teacher was walking at a sedate pace, though he did break down and let one of Kakashi's hands touch his elbow, directing him around the various objects and people they had to avoid.

Infinitely thankful that Iruka's room had been on the ground floor of the hospital, Kakashi walked side by side with his stubborn, head-strong charge, giving Iruka only the barest of directions with his loose hold on the teacher's arm. As they stepped out into the busy streets of Konoha, Kakashi was starting to doubt the intelligence of his idea. He could direct Iruka around a few people and objects, but the crowded sidewalks of the village were another matter. He had enough problems maneuvering the village on his own, despite the wide berth people gave the infamous Copy Cat Ninja out of a mixture of respect, awe, and perhaps even fear. Kakashi had no idea how he could possibly lead Iruka back to the man's apartment without having the blind teacher bump into at least several people.

Iruka solved Kakashi's conundrum as he boldly set off in the direction of his apartment, leaving his wide-eyed bodyguard behind until Kakashi shook off his surprise and caught up to the brunet. Staying a few steps behind Iruka, Kakashi could only watch in amazement as Iruka wove in and out of the crowds as though he could see each and every person.

It wasn't until a few minutes later that Kakashi came to understand how Iruka had accomplished such a feat. The teacher's legs barely had time to begin buckling before Kakashi scooped the smaller man up into his arms, inwardly cursing himself for not realizing sooner that Iruka had been focusing on people's chakra in order to avoid them. Sensing chakra was second nature to a shinobi, but to focus on it so intently that one could map out pathways on everyone they saw in order to maneuver around them would quickly drain anyone's energy.

The people around them didn't see Iruka pass out, nor did they have a chance to notice how Kakashi gently cradled the brunet against his chest. All they saw was the puff of smoke of a transportation jutsu before the two shinobi disappeared.

There was no chance they had caught a glimpse of the ANBU lifting away the porcelain of his mask to press bare lips against the unconscious chuunin's forehead in a brief display of affection.

XXX

Authoress: GAH! Kakashi, you're too damn cute! Anyways, now that the story's plot is finally starting to emerge, I hope everyone keeps reading to find out what happens next! And thank you B.Z.-chan for doing, as usual, a wonderful job betaing! Until next time, ja ne!


	4. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

It was common knowledge that Iruka got up very early in the morning, but precious few people other than Naruto knew anything else about his sleeping habits. Only a couple of his friends were aware of the fact Iruka would suddenly wake up and be disoriented for several moments. More than once, the teacher nearly had a heart attack when he felt muscular arms wrapped around him as soon as he came to. It took him quite a few calming breaths to recall that Naruto had come over to visit and – for one reason or another – had ended up falling asleep in his bed.

When the blonde was young, sharing a bed was purely innocent – Naruto had been afraid of everything from the monster under his bed, to storms and the dark, so he took refuge in Iruka's bed quite often. Iruka had grown accustomed to the cuddly blonde, but when Naruto decided that he was too old to sleep in his brother's bed, Iruka all too quickly became easily startled once again. Then there was Naruto and Sasuke's volatile relationship in recent years, which more than once resulted in the blonde being kicked out and having to spend several days at Iruka's apartment.

The day Sasuke proposed was one that made Iruka dance in joy for more than just his brother's sake. No longer would Naruto be kicked out at unholy hours only to break into Iruka's home and slip into bed with his unconscious brother. No more would the teacher have to wake up shrieking when he found a beautiful blonde man wrapped around him in nothing more than frog-print boxers. More than once, he was put in the awkward situation of trying to peel his brother off of him as Naruto, obviously acting out some of his more adult-themed dreams as he slept, somehow mistook him for Sasuke.

At least, Iruka had hoped that marriage would calm those two down enough that Sasuke would never kick Naruto out because of some stupid fight over what day of the week was ramen night. And that, sadly, _had_ been one of the many reasons for Naruto's temporary homelessness.

Marriage had suited the pair, but the love-filled atmosphere was enough to sicken anyone around them. Perhaps that was why Tsunade had footed the astronomical bill of sending the two jounin on a six month honeymoon that took them around the world. Most jaws dropped and minds blanked at the thought of their stingy Hokage voluntarily paying for anything, but there were still a few people with enough mental faculties remaining to question her generosity. Her only response was that her favorite blonde and heir should get the chance to see the world before he took on the ultimate responsibility of ruling Konoha.

Naruto and Sasuke had left a couple months ago, leaving Iruka with empty nest syndrome. Despite the fact Naruto had not lived with him since the blonde was twelve, Iruka had loved the fact his brother would visit him on a whim and that, no matter what, the boy was just a few minutes away unless he was on a mission.

Iruka couldn't help missing the one person who knew him best. He missed that ball of happy, loving energy that did everything he could to make others smile. He desperately wanted those strong arms to hold him, to hear that deep voice banish his fears with an asinine boast. He needed those broad shoulders to cry on. Had Naruto still been in the village, he would have smothered Iruka with love and care – which did have its drawbacks – but at the same time, the blonde could have warned Iruka's bodyguard about the teacher's jumpiness and temper when waking up in an unfamiliar place.

As things stood, the poor unsuspecting jounin had his eyes trained on his rarely-used bed where the brunet had been sleeping for several hours. With his mind on things far from G-rated, the silver-haired man had no idea what he was about to face.

XXX

Dead silence, unfamiliar scents, and a bed far too large and firm – that was what Iruka was immediately aware of as woke up. He was not so disoriented as to forget about his accident – the nothingness his eyes were met with served as enough of a reminder – but that did not help matters. He wasn't in the hospital, where he could easily place the scents of medicine, alcohol, and disinfectants.

Wherever he was, it was not familiar, which immediately put him on edge far more than he usually was upon waking. Blindly reaching for anything he could use as a weapon as he sprung from the bed, Iruka was driven by pure instinct. His heart pounded in his chest as he held his breath, searching the room with his chakra. He could feel another presence approaching him with astonishing speed, which only made the teacher even more uneasy as he readied himself for an attack.

A flicker of energy told him that a hand was reaching out for him and, from years of practice, Iruka moved. As he shifted, closing in the distance between him and his attacker, Iruka grabbed the person's wrist with one hand. One quick spin brought the teacher behind his attacker, twisting the person's arm behind his back and locking it there with a pain-inducing amount of force. At the same time, his other arm wrapped around his attacker's neck and pulled back just enough to begin strangling the stranger.

It was a move he had taught Naruto back in the academy so the blonde could protect himself. It needed no chakra, no illusions, or other skills that Naruto had not proficiently accomplished by the time he graduated, so it was the perfect thing for the boy to know if he was ever attacked. Any normal person would cry out in pain, squirm and otherwise hurt themselves even more. A well-trained shinobi would be stopped for a few seconds as they tried to find the restraint's weaknesses and use them to break free.

Instead of breaking his hold, Iruka's attacker did something that surprised the teacher. He stood perfectly still, not fighting the forearm against his windpipe or the hand nearly wrenching his right arm out of place. Slowly, the stranger brought his free arm up to his neck and, instead of trying to pull himself out of the brunet's grasp, began to write against the bandaged limb.

_You move pretty quickly for someone who just woke up, Iruka-sensei._

That beautiful handwriting, mixed with a tinge of humor, made Iruka squeak as he instantly let go of the ANBU. Memories of his bodyguard flooded into his head as the teacher flushed in embarrassment.

"I-Inu, I'm so sorry!" Iruka was sure he squeaked as he pedaled backwards in order to give the deadly shinobi some breathing room. If Inu was like any other ANBU member, he would be angry for being momentarily bested by an academy teacher. Some shinobi might turn that anger inward while others would lash out at him. Iruka had no idea which one his bodyguard was.

Iruka felt his heart pounding in his chest not from exertion, but from his earlier instant of surprise and fear. Similarly, he was breathing heavily, sucking in air through his nose so quickly it took him a moment to recognize the scent of mint in the air. Almost as soon as he put a name to that particular smell, Iruka felt a finger press against his trembling hand.

_I didn't mean to scare you, Iruka-sensei._ And scare the teacher was exactly what he had done, Kakashi realized only now as he studied the quivering brunet in front of him. He had experienced the feeling of being cornered far too many times to not recognize the tell-tale signs. Slowly, Iruka's breathing returned to normal, but his shaking hands took longer to still, and Kakashi knew it would be some time before his heart stopped racing.

"I-It's alright… I shouldn't have attacked you," Iruka apologized softly as his shivering arms wrapped around his middle as though to hold himself together. Kakashi felt a shot of self-hatred as he helplessly watched the teacher.

The jounin berated himself as he brought a hand up to rub his aching shoulder. He should have known better than to bring Iruka to his apartment. There would be nothing there for the teacher to recognize and, like any good shinobi, Iruka was on edge when faced with the unfamiliar. He hadn't thought about how Iruka would feel about waking up in a strange place. He had instead thought that, other than Sasuke, he'd never voluntarily had anyone in his apartment since the Fourth died. He didn't care that, in a small place in his guarded heart, he felt uneasy about having someone in his home. All he wanted was for Iruka to be safe and, of all the places he thought of taking the teacher once Iruka passed out, his apartment was the one place he knew the brunet would never be harmed.

If someone could get past his shields and traps, they were either elite shinobi or a comrade who had been warned about his mistrust of others. In the case of the latter, Kakashi knew they would never hurt Iruka. If someone was elite and, for some reason, after Iruka, there would be no place safe for the teacher. In that case, the only thing that could save the man would be a dedicated guard watching over him at all times.

The corner of Kakashi's lip twitched upwards as he massaged his shoulder. Despite being an elite shinobi – perhaps the strongest of his generation – he truly had not foreseen the teacher's attack. He'd never thought that an academy teacher could move so quickly, much less that a blind man could maneuver so effortlessly as to restrain an ANBU. Iruka was certainly more than he appeared to be.

"Is your shoulder alright?"

Iruka's question tore Kakashi from his thoughts. Perhaps it wasn't so much his words, but the warm touch that surprised the jounin. He couldn't help but glance down and stare at the bandaged hand resting on top of his own. No one had ever touched him so gently, much less without warning. People learned all too quickly that the Copy Ninja was jumpy and not too comfortable with physical contact.

Iruka was different.

His touch wasn't one that meant to bring pain, nor was it erotic, but nonetheless, the jounin's heart sped up and his body warmed. He wanted nothing more than to lean into that compassionate touch and wrap his own arms around the brunet.

"Inu?"

Again, Iruka's words tore at the jounin, reminding him of his place. Instead of embracing the teacher, Kakashi let out a regretful sigh and lifted Iruka's hand off of his shoulder.

_My shoulder is fine, Iruka-sensei. I underestimated your strength, but I learned my lesson._

If only it had been his strength Kakashi had been surprised by! No, it was more than just his speed, his control, and his fighting instincts. The more Kakashi learned, the more he was fascinated by the man. Blind and deaf, Iruka maneuvered more gracefully than most shinobi with all their senses. He obviously was someone who didn't rely on just his five senses, but learned to trust his intuition and to gauge movements based off of chakra.

It wasn't only his shinobi abilities that surprised Kakashi either. The fact that he woke up so quickly spoke of a hard life where he had to be fully conscious in the blink of an eye. His unease with unfamiliarity was another unexpected indicator of Iruka's personality. His immediate decision to defend himself by any means necessary spoke of a painful past.

All of it added together to tell Kakashi that the kind, soft-spoken man before him was someone who did not trust easily. He was someone who cared about his brother and his students, but beyond them, he was troubled by everyone else.

Kakashi didn't know why Iruka mistrusted so many or why he had the reflexes of a battle-hardened elite jounin. The man who had restrained him was not the same compassionate teacher that everyone loved. He was someone who had been through hell and, because of it, knew exactly who he was and what he was capable of.

That one quick movement told Kakashi that he didn't know Iruka at all.

"I'm sorry. I've never used that move on anyone other than Naruto, so I'm used to having to be a little more forceful in order to get my point across. He can be pretty stubborn – and unbreakable," Iruka stated softly as his head tilted upwards as though he was looking Kakashi in the eyes.

Momentarily stunned by the teacher's comment – unable to believe that anyone could restrain Naruto unless they promised ramen or, in Sasuke's case, sex – Kakashi could only stare at the brunet. Kakashi was not used to surprises, much less ones dealing with people he thought he knew. Of course, all of his knowledge of Iruka was based off of what he found out from everyone but the brunet himself. He heard glowing comments from past students, including his own genin team. Other information was taken from sealed records that he _borrowed_ from the Hokage's Office.

Everything else he knew about the teacher was based off of his own reconnaissance as he watched the teacher at work. Everything seemed to add up – a very loyal shinobi who had lost his parents in the Kyuubi attack. He was a man who was compassionate, but strict so that his students would not become troublemakers like he had. He was someone who was able to love Naruto, despite the fact the boy contained his parents' murderer. He took Naruto in, not believing for a moment that the blonde was capable of wreaking the same havoc the Kyuubi did. He gave everyone second chances, he believed in them despite the odds.

But he trusted precious few people.

Was it because he had been orphaned at such a young age? That he had to grow up too quickly in order to be his brother's guardian? Or was it because of the one story that had somehow never reached his file? It was something that had been hushed up immediately and Kakashi had only heard about it because of gossip. It was rumored that Iruka had nearly been killed once, readily giving his life to protect the village. Other than that, Kakashi knew nothing and the jounin was familiar with village politics enough to understand that someone very high up had made sure that no one knew the truth in order to protect Iruka. There was only one person who would have done such a thing – the Third.

What could Iruka have done that would warrant a Hokage getting involved in covering it up?

XXX

After Iruka's accidental attack on Inu, the teacher was subdued for the rest of the day. He didn't argue when the ANBU demanded he eat something, though the teacher had no idea what exactly it was that he ate. It could have been oatmeal, it could have been eggs – all he was certain of was that his bodyguard was obviously not accustomed to cooking.

He accepted Inu's explanation as to why he was going to be staying in the man's apartment. Inu was right in pointing out that, if someone was truly after him, his own home would be far from safe. Right or not, it didn't make the teacher feel any better as he stumbled around the unfamiliar apartment. He had already given himself enough bruises and sprains to last a lifetime. The tables were unfamiliar, both in placement and in height, so Iruka found himself constantly running into them, despite already figuring out their general location. Not only was he hitting into furniture, but he had broken a few things – though Inu didn't tell him if they were pictures, figurines, cups, vases, or anything else. All the ANBU said was that they were replaceable and for Iruka to stop apologizing and trying to clean up. It didn't make Iruka feel better.

Currently, curled up on the couch as he was, Iruka was finally certain that he couldn't break anything. With his legs tucked tightly underneath him and his arms wrapped around his middle, Iruka felt safe from embarrassment for the first time today.

From time to time, Inu would ask him if he wanted anything, but very rarely got anything other than an acidic response. Iruka had nothing to do – he couldn't read or write, he couldn't watch TV to pass the time. There was nothing for him to do other than think and hide his misery from his all-too-observant bodyguard.

Sensing a familiar flicker of chakra enter the living room, Iruka turned towards his guard and was met with a puff of mint-scented air. Inu had sighed. Having grown accustomed to such mannerisms in the past few days, Iruka didn't even have to think to understand what such minute changes in the air around him meant when it came to Inu.

_Would you like to go out on a walk, Iruka-sensei? It's nice outside_.

Those considerate words were written on Iruka's one shoulder blade, which was the only part of the teacher Kakashi could reach without prying Iruka's arms away from his middle or lifting the man off the couch.

Despite his dark mood, Iruka felt a small smile come to his face. He was sure that going out on walks was not part of an ANBU bodyguard's job description. Going on a walk meant going outdoors, where Iruka would be less protected and more open for attacks. By the very act of asking, it meant that Inu felt he would be safe outdoors so long as the ANBU was nearby. Either that or the man would be willing to give up a little security to give Iruka a taste of his old, normal life.

"Wouldn't that make you uneasy? Having me out in the open?" Iruka asked, quashing the little glimmer of hope that had arisen at the thought of returning to normalcy.

_If you can take an ANBU member by surprise and restrain him, I think we can take the risk._

Kakashi wasn't willing to tell Iruka that he was close to hyperventilating at the idea of taking the brunet outside. Outdoors, he couldn't judge where an attack could come from, he couldn't control every situation. But it was infinitely worth it, the jounin decided when he saw the small smile come to Iruka's face.

No matter how uncomfortable he would be outside, it would be better than being tortured indoors as he watched Iruka dig himself into a depression. Kakashi understood the emotion far too well to let the teacher start feeling worthless because of his handicaps.

"Any conditions?" Iruka asked as he finally released his tight grip around his midsection. Gracefully, he unraveled his legs from underneath him and moved to stand up. Watching the teacher closely for any indication he was going to trip, bump into something, or otherwise hurt himself, Kakashi was unable to come up with a response. It wasn't until Iruka had navigated around the coffee table and only brushing one knee against it that the jounin came up with an answer.

_No using up all your energy to study chakra pathways._ _I don't want to have to drag you back home again._

"I think I can promise that one," Iruka replied sheepishly as he, in a very Naruto-like manner, scratched the back of his head. When he had wasted his chakra in such a way yesterday, it was out of sheer stubbornness in not wanting to ask for help. Still exhausted from his little stunt, Iruka was hesitant to try that again. Perhaps in time, with practice, he might be able to use such an ability in daily life.

XXX

Kakashi stayed a few steps behind Iruka, keeping his gaze trained on the teacher. His body was tense, waiting for the brunet to trip so that he could catch him. He was also edgy as he focused the rest of his attention on their surroundings. If Iruka's attacker returned, would he come from above? Below? Would he use a close-range attack or keep his distance? Thousands of questions raced through the jounin's head as his natural eye flitted around for any indication they were about to be attacked.

Sure his jumpiness was not due to an imminent attack, but his understandable concern for Iruka's wellbeing, Kakashi forced himself to calm down before he started grating on the teacher's nerves. There was nothing unusual around and, considering the beautiful autumn weather, there were relatively few people outside. Then again, considering the cool breeze that ripped through Kakashi's uniform, there might be a reason for lack of people out and about.

Shivering at the cold chill that ran down his back thanks to the breeze, Kakashi tightly wrapped his cloak around himself. He didn't hate the cold – being a shinobi, it was one of the many things he had gotten used to over the years – but it had been some time since he had worn the thin layers of an ANBU uniform. He desperately missed his thick flak vest and long sleeves.

Unaware of his bodyguard's shivering, Iruka hardly noticed the cool breeze as he zipped his chuunin vest as high as it would go before stuffing his hands into his pockets. Taking in a deep, refreshing breath, Iruka let his concentration on the slightly uneven ground lessen as he caught the scent of delicious, fresh ramen. It was an aroma that he and Naruto drooled over, but Iruka now believed the theory that, when someone lost a sense, the others made up for it. Never before in his life had ramen smelled so powerfully or so good.

Instantly, the teacher's feet changed directions as he followed that scent. Behind him, Kakashi cursed cold weather and tightened his cloak even more, but it didn't help. Following the teacher, the jounin found his jaw dropping as the younger man finally stopped at a small stand. Without even asking Kakashi if it was alright, Iruka sat down as though he had been without sight his entire life.

"I'll have the usual, Teuchi-san," Iruka spoke calmly, facing a wide-eyed man. The old man glanced over at Kakashi, who simply took a seat next to his charge with a sigh, then back to one of his two favorite customers. "Would you like something, Inu? I recommend the pork ramen."

"Erm… I guess the pork?" Kakashi said as he studied the teacher. It was the first time since Iruka woke up blind that the jounin had seen a real smile on his face. It was enough to nearly stop his heart. For that one smile, Kakashi was willing to risk the chance of poison. Then again, as he glanced around, he recognized the restaurant as Naruto's favorite ramen stand. If there was one safe place to eat, Kakashi knew this was it. If the next Hokage could eat here without ever getting sick from the food, the jounin doubted anyone could slip something into Iruka's meal without the owner noticing.

That didn't stop Kakashi from taking Iruka's bowl away as the owner was setting it down a few minutes later.

"Oi! That's mine!" Iruka squeaked as he felt his steaming bowl of ramen slip out of his fingertips. Since the force was coming from the direction of his bodyguard, it didn't take more than a moment for the teacher to understand why Inu was taking his bowl away. "It isn't poisoned!"

Kakashi believed the teacher, but he needed to make sure. If, by some impossible chance, his food had been tampered with, the jounin would not be able to forgive himself for not performing one of his most important duties as bodyguard. A cursory sniff gave away nothing – then again, anyone knowing anything about poison would have added something that was scentless and, more than likely, tasteless.

Picking out a noodle at random, Kakashi tasted it only to spit it back out a moment later as the flavor registered. As the jounin desperately looked around for something to wash the taste out of his mouth, Iruka took the opportunity to steal his ramen back and began to happily, if not slightly messily, eat his jalapeno ramen.

By the time the owner gave Kakashi a glass of cold milk – all the while smirking knowingly – Iruka was already on his second bowl. As soon as Kakashi washed the hellishly spicy taste out of his mouth, he looked over at Iruka as his jaw dropped. If someone dared to poison the teacher's ramen, Kakashi doubted it would even work. The man must have a cast-iron stomach to eat something like that. And to eat it in such amounts!

Unaware of his bodyguard's disgusted fascination, Iruka continued happily eating by-far the tastiest ramen he had ever had. Had Teuchi tried some new ingredients? No, it took Iruka a few moments of savoring his favorite, specially-made ramen to realize it was another perk of his heightened senses. Not only did his ramen smell like heaven, but tasted so spicy, it was almost unbearable. For years, Iruka had tried to find just how much spiciness he could take, only to find out that the spicier a food was, the more he liked it.

So absorbed by watching Iruka eat, Kakashi didn't realize a bowl was placed in front of him until the owner coughed. Blinking as he turned towards the old man, Kakashi looked down at his own meal and his stomach growled angrily, as though reminding him that he hadn't eaten since breakfast because Iruka was his first priority.

"ANBU-san, is it true that someone is after Iruka-sensei?" the old man asked quietly, obviously not knowing that Iruka couldn't possibly hear him. As the teacher went on slurping his noodles without a care in the world, Kakashi nodded his head slowly. "Who would want to hurt Iruka-sensei? He's loved by everyone."

"There must be someone who has a grudge," Kakashi pointed out, hoping to pump the old man for information to help Tsunade's search for Iruka's attacker. Whatever information the man could give could save Iruka's life. The owner dashed Kakashi's hopes, however, when he shook his head negatively.

"No one I know of. Iruka has no enemies."

"Oi, if you are going to talk about me Teuchi-san, I should get another bowl of ramen on the house," Iruka commented good-naturedly. He had no idea what his guard and the old man were talking about, but he knew they had been having a conversation. Judging by how the puffs of mint-scented air abruptly stopped, Inu had fallen silent and, considering he could no longer pick up the distinct smell of Teuchi's favorite sake, so had the old man. He guessed right.

Going back to his bowl of ramen, Iruka did his best to pick out the noodles with his chopsticks, imagining how he must look to a passerby. As much as he loved ramen, no one should have to concentrate so hard on their food only to have three-quarters of it fall back into the bowl and splash broth everywhere. Apparently he was going to have to practice more than just maneuvering around things and walking on uneven ground.

By the time Iruka was finished, Kakashi had been able to mentally recite the shinobi code of ethics in three languages. Having started translating it into a fourth language, it took the jounin a moment to realize Iruka was talking to him and even longer to figure out why Iruka's question was not in Arabic, as his thoughts currently were.

"Eh?" Momentarily forgetting Iruka's deafness, the jounin waited for the teacher to repeat himself. Looking up to the owner, Kakashi inwardly cursed as he realized the man was on the other side of the restaurant and there was no way Teuchi could have heard Iruka and clued the jounin in on what his charge had asked him.

"Daydreaming?" Iruka snickered, easily guessing why Inu had not responded and why the man's gaze somehow felt _lost_. "I wonder who she is," he added jokingly as he easily found his wallet in his breast pocket. Having nearly lived at Ichiraku's since it opened, Iruka easily tabulated their bill in his head and, it took only a few moments for him to count out pieces of paper. Never was he as thankful as he was at that moment that he was obsessive compulsive. Putting the bills all in perfect order and always knowing exactly how much his wallet contained so that everything was organized, it was easy to pick out the exact amount.

Just to mess with his guard's mind, Iruka silently put the money down on the counter without explaining how he had been able to pay, and then slipped off his stool and onto the ground. Starting off in the direction of his apartment, Iruka walked very slowly as he felt the unevenness of the ground beneath his feet. The direction wasn't hard to figure out from his frequent visits to the ramen stand, but gauging his steps was another thing entirely. He had always just walked until he reached the flower shop before Inu had turned them onto his street, but now he had to figure out another method of finding his way.

It took only a few moments before he caught a whiff of something sweet. Though almost nauseating in its aroma, Iruka followed the flowery scent back to its source. Walking as slowly as he was, it took longer than he was accustomed to in order to reach the Yamanaka flower shop.

Another few steps and he turned down the right street. Iruka could sense Inu catching up to him, if the bursts of familiar energy were any indication. Knowing of his bodyguard's approach, Iruka didn't flinch when he felt a strong grip wrap around his hand.

_She?_

Unable to help himself, Iruka chuckled. Of all the things to ask, Inu was most curious about what the teacher had said back in the ramen stand. It seemed strangely fitting for his unusual bodyguard. "I was assuming you were thinking about someone. You were being very quiet during dinner."

_I was translating something to pass the time… I thought you would like some time to yourself._

Iruka felt strangely touched by the ANBU's thoughtfulness. The man's next words, however, reminded the teacher that his bodyguard was also a pervert.

_Anyway, if I was thinking about someone, it would be a _he_._

"O-oh," Iruka stammered, feeling his face flush beneath his bandages. Sexuality was one of those things that made the teacher embarrassed no matter who or what he was discussing. The day Naruto came out and told him he was attracted to a boy, the two brothers had been blushing up a storm and, seeing one another's reaction only made the mortification worse. It didn't matter that Iruka was also homosexual – it was an awkward conversation, almost as much as when Naruto had asked what exactly two guys did when they were attracted to each other. Recalling that day, Iruka felt another blush coming on as he realized Naruto must have been asking for a particular reason. And that reason just happened to now share the blonde's last name.

_What kind of dirty thoughts are _you_ having, Iruka-sensei?_

Iruka was sure that a snigger accompanied that question.

A snigger was anything but what nearly escaped Kakashi as he watched the teacher turn a bright shade of red. No one had a right to be that sexy when blushing! Could Iruka possibly be thinking about the jounin and some other man? What if that other man was himself? The slim possibility that Iruka was picturing the two of them together sent a hot jolt of desire into the jounin's groin. If any sound came out of the jounin, it would certainly be in the realm of moaning.

"I-I… erm… I mean…" Iruka stammered, knowing that his blush was creeping down his neck for everyone to see. "I just didn't picture you as…"

_Gay?_ Kakashi supplied, biting his lower lip as he sent up a prayer of thanks that Iruka couldn't hear at the moment. He was certain that he wouldn't be able to form words, much less hide his desperate gasps for air.

"H-Hai."

_What did you picture me as?_ Kakashi asked curiously, wanting to know how a blind and deaf man imagined him without knowing who he truly was. Without knowing about his Sharingan and reputation, what kind of impression did people get from him?

"Um… tall?" Iruka said quietly, a new wave of embarrassment hitting him as he felt several puffs of minty air hit his face. Fairly certain that the ANBU was laughing only made his humiliation worse.

_I'm only a little taller than you._

Iruka fought the urge to point out that he wasn't exactly of average height, which made the elite shinobi unusually tall. "You're muscular." He recalled feeling up the man's chest and arms, which sent him into an entirely new blushing fit.

_What shinobi isn't?_

"You're making this difficult," Iruka pouted, wishing his face wasn't so warm. He knew Inu well enough to understand that the ANBU member was having fun with his obvious discomfort, but at the same time was very curious about Iruka's mental image of him. But what could Iruka say? He recognized Inu's chakra whereas others recognized people based off of physical features. There was no way he could accurately guess the man's facial features, his hair color, his eyes or anything else that could improve Iruka's vague mental picture of the shinobi.

_Does it help if I tell you that, compared to you, I'm lanky?_

"Not much," Iruka admitted softly as he continued walking, but keeping his pace matched with Inu's longer, yet more sedate one. "You have longer legs than me, but you walk very slowly."

_What else have you figured out about me? _Kakashi didn't want to admit it, but he was fascinated with how Iruka was slowly piecing together an image of him. A part of him wanted to throw the teacher off, but he knew he couldn't lie to the man despite the difficulties he was bound to run into. The more Iruka knew about him, the faster the teacher would recall the silver-haired jounin he hated for reasons Kakashi never fully understood.

"I would call you flippant, but you really do care. You know exactly what to do or say to make me feel better. I'm very happy Tsunade assigned you to protect me," Iruka said, knowing that he would make his bodyguard uncomfortable if he thanked the man for being so understanding. Shinobi didn't talk about their feelings, much less thank someone else for doing their job.

For a moment, Kakashi was utterly speechless. Not even in his best dreams did he ever think that Iruka would be glad that he ended up with an emotionally twisted, physically handicapped jounin who was incapable of normal human relationships.

_Thank you._ It was the only thing he could say. In response, Iruka smiled and it was that quick show of teeth that wrapped Kakashi around the brunet's finger. He would do anything to bring that smile back to the teacher's face. If it meant teaching Iruka not only to adapt to a life without sight, but to become a better shinobi because of it, then so be it.

Kakashi just had no idea where to start.

XXX

Authoress: *squeals* Oooh, and the plot finally starts forming! I can just see the emotional/physical tensions rising already! And thank you B.Z.-chan for beta-ing once again!


	5. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

He always thought that people who were blind lived in a black world. But 'black' did not adequately describe the absolute nothingness that his eyes were met with constantly. It was that nothingness, that complete lack of light and color, which relentlessly assaulted him. Each waking moment was spent painfully aware of the world continuing around him, but he was at a complete standstill. All that was left to him was the warmth of his bodyguard's touch and the compassionate words of a man he could never begin to picture in his mind.

The memories of sight hurt far more than the consuming nothingness in which he now lived. His dreams were in vibrant shades, mocking him with what he had lost because of his own carelessness. Those colors melded with one another, swirling in fantastic displays that he knew he would never again see when awake.

And each morning he awoke only to find that the nothingness had returned. It was almost as though his dreams were the reality and his waking moments a horrible nightmare. What he wouldn't have given for that to be true! But he could not lie to himself. Time continued on, but his eyes did not heal. The scratches on his arm and chest closed up, leaving minute scars as a reminder of their short-lived existence. No, his eyes stubbornly refused to return to normal, to give him the one thing he most desperately wanted.

He needed his life back. He thirsted for colors; he hungered for shapes. He wanted his independence, but more than that, he wanted to be able to look at the world around him and know that he was not as alone as he felt.

With each passing day, that nothingness started to hurt less and less as he grew strangely accustomed to it. Instead, the pain was directed at his new lifestyle. No longer able to see, he ran into everything, tripped over even ground, but perhaps the worst offense was his stubborn refusal for help. Inu tried to guide him, but he only pulled away, hiding his hurt and growing self-hatred so deeply inside himself he could almost forget that it was there, slowly feeding itself.

XXX

Kakashi watched in silence as his charge slept. He knew the pain of loss and the suffocating depression that accompanied it, but what could he do – what could he say – to bring Iruka back? The brunet who was curled up on his bed was no longer the confident teacher he had fallen for. No, this man was quiet and withdrawn, seemingly emotionless when the jounin knew he was anything but. It was as though he was numb to everything, but Kakashi could imagine the kind of agony his charge felt. Iruka hid behind a façade that was so painfully obvious for the only man to ever go through a similar loss. Kakashi would do anything to help him, but he had no idea what he should do. Even at his worst, Kakashi did not experience the degree of pain Iruka silently concealed.

XXX

Iruka slapped away his bodyguard's guiding touch, not caring that he probably growled as he flew out of the chair on his own accord. He did not need anyone's help, much less from a man he did not know other than the beautiful penmanship that scrawled lazily across his skin every once in a while.

Stumbling as he tried to remember where exactly the furniture was, Iruka wished he could not sense his bodyguard. At least then he could have pretended that he was all alone. And, if he was alone, no one would have to see him like this.

Inu was trying, he really was, and if Iruka had not been so incensed by his offers of aid, the brunet probably would have appreciated the man's attention. But, as things were, every time Inu guided him around someone or some object, he just hated the man all the more. He hated him for his confidence, for the power that ebbed underneath his fingertips, but most of all, Iruka despised him for his eyes.

Inu could see and he could not. His bodyguard would never have to know what it was like to slam into everything and everyone because he had no idea they were there. He would never have to live with that kind of shameful helplessness.

_Are you alright, Iruka-sensei? _Those words were delicately written across the back of the teacher's arm with such gentleness that the brunet's body shivered involuntarily.

Iruka spun around, wrenching his arm out of his bodyguard's gentle grasp as he gasped in surprise. Just to add salt in his already burning wounds, he had not even known that his bodyguard was right next to him. Backpedaling, he felt his legs hit into the low table, tripping him. As he fell backwards, Iruka wished that – in all of these falls and tumbles – he would, just once, hit himself in the head hard enough to make some kind of permanent damage.

Maybe then he would no longer care so much about his lost vision.

He did not even get the decency to feel the solid wood collide with his body as he had been expecting. Strong, warm arms plucked him right out of the air and, for the briefest of moments, Iruka wished he could trust the wave of security that washed over him as Inu saved him from yet another bruise.

"Let me go!" Iruka wished he could hear his own voice, but he knew that it must have carried some volume by the way his bodyguard's entire body flinched as soon as he began screaming to be released. Squirming against his bodyguard's hard chest, Iruka did not stop fighting the tall man until he finally felt the floor beneath his feet and Inu stepping back, though despite Iruka's promises of bodily harm, the ANBU member still kept a steadying hand on his charge's forearm.

Every curse that Iruka let out sent a stab of agony through him as he found his world silent despite the words he knew he spoke. Forcefully, he tore his arm away from Inu and pushed the ANBU member away. So surprised at how easy it was to force the elite shinobi back, Iruka stumbled forwards from his own momentum. He did not care about his own display of clumsiness, however. At that moment, in a dark place in his heart, he hoped he had hurled his devoted guard into a wall or a pane of glass. If it meant that Inu was no longer touching him, guiding him as though he was incapable of doing anything on his own, Iruka was more than happy to give the man a few battle scars.

Iruka took a few unsteady steps, his stomach doing strange flips when Inu's gentle touch did not immediately return to his hand or arm to give some sarcastic comment. Even a bit of perversion would be welcome to this strange wordlessness that surrounded him. Did he really hurt his bodyguard in a fit of anger?

"Inu?" Iruka whispered quietly, or what he presumed to be softly. When after a few moments, his bodyguard still did not answer him, the brunet swallowed heavily. He had not seriously meant he would be happy to hurt his bodyguard, had he? The undeniably affirmative answer to that question made his stomach turn.

What was he becoming, that he would seriously wish another person harm?

Suddenly, there was a tight grip around his arm and, despite himself, Iruka let out a sigh of relief. That relief was quickly replaced with a sickening fear as short nails dug into his flesh with a strength that his bodyguard had never used on him before.

_You can't just accept help, can you?_

Those words chilled Iruka far more than he thought they would have. Once a gentle caress, Inu's fingers now revealed his own fury over Iruka's quick burst of anger. Despite knowing that this man had promised to protect him, Iruka could not help but shiver in true fear. This man was more than just a strong shinobi – he was an elite that was highly recommended by the Hokage. If anything, he was bound to be one of the most powerful warriors alive. And Iruka just angered him because he wanted someone else to feel just a fraction of the pain he was constantly wracked with.

"Not from you," Iruka spat back in disgust before he realized what he had said and, as soon as the words formed on his tongue, he felt self-hatred roll through him. Long before he felt Inu flinch away at his words, he knew that he had not meant it. Inu was a kind and considerate – Iruka was the one who was a horrible person for even thinking such a thing.

_I see…_ was Inu's only response. Unlike previous displays of beautiful calligraphy, this was terse and angular, revealing nothing of the gentle bodyguard Iruka knew him to be. If anything, by the sheer blankness of such a comment, Iruka knew he had gone too far and hurt the one person who had not pitied him for the man he now was.

Iruka never got the chance to say the words of apology bubbling up in his throat as tears threatened to dampen the bandages around his useless eyes. Inu pulled away from him and disappeared. Even before the warmth of his bodyguard's presence dissipated, Iruka wrapped his arms around shivering shoulders. He had wanted to be left alone, but this was not what he had hoped for.

Within moments, he missed that faint hint of mint in the air. He wanted to feel the air warm from the ANBU member's body. His arm itched to reach out and feel Inu's fingers against his palm. But, more than anything, at that moment he hungered to feel that familiar flicker of chakra even more than sight itself.

At least with Inu around, he could for a moment forget about being the broken shinobi he was.

XXX

Kakashi cursed as he completely cloaked his chakra so that not even his perceptive charge could sense him. He moved as far away from the brunet as he could without escaping his apartment, knowing that Iruka would not be able to sense him for some time. Let the brunet think he had abandoned him! Serves the man right to worry for a little while! As soon as those thoughts surfaced, Kakashi shook them from his head. He would never want Iruka to feel a moment of pain or loneliness. The second the teacher expressed any desire to have him around, Kakashi would be there, lapping up his attention like the masochist he must be to fall in love with a man who despised him. Even if it meant another lashing that left him bare and bleeding, so be it. He would willingly do it to save Iruka from a moment of pain.

Glancing down at his hands, he could not help but wonder if Iruka had known that his one act of pure anger had resulted in injuring his bodyguard. If Iruka had noticed the blood streaking across Kakashi's hands and arms, would he have expressed any kind of remorse? Kakashi had not expected Iruka to be so angry with his quick reflexes in catching him before he fell. Perhaps that was why he put up no fight when Iruka pushed him away so forcefully he went careening into a glass table. Either that or he was so floored by the pain in Iruka's voice that he would have done anything to take some of that agony from him. He had thought Iruka was coping quite well, despite his sleepless nights and moments of clumsiness.

He was so very wrong. Iruka hated his handicaps; he despised how Kakashi was always around to help if he needed it. Those minute reminders of his losses must have been building up, finally boiling over in a fit of anger that suited the bipolar teacher quite well. Kakashi had actually been expecting an outburst for quite some time, just not one that harmed the Copy Ninja more emotionally than physically.

The fact that he was uncertain about how Iruka would take knowing he had injured his bodyguard made Kakashi all the more desperate to quickly bind up his bloodied palms and wrists before the scent reached the brunet's nose. He was amazed it had not hit Iruka the instant he had flew up from the floor and gripped the brunet's arm with bruising strength. For just an instant, he was angry – not with Iruka, never with him. He was disappointed in himself for not seeing that Iruka was not simply bottling up his emotions. He had been clutching them to his heart, letting them take over as he outwardly kept the calm façade that so many other people were willing to accept. Bottling them up, he would not have felt them, but the emotions that momentarily flared in Iruka were ones that were cultivated. They were as raw as the day they emerged in him. It hurt to know that he had been so very wrong about his charge.

For a moment, he paused in his hasty first aid to wipe at watery eyes. Physical pain he could easily deal with, but having Iruka express his hatred of him yet again broke him far more than any enemy shinobi had ever been able to. Iruka not only attacked him, but was obviously disgusted by him from that one phrase. _Not from you._ It was no wonder he bowed his head and took in a sharp breath of air as he pressed a shard of glass deeper into his palm, wishing that that momentary flash of pain could erase some of the emotional turmoil that threatened to tear him to pieces.

XXX

With little else to do other than sink farther into his depression, Iruka put his mind to adapting to his sightless world. Inu refused to speak to him other than a few terse words when asked a direct question. His bodyguard no longer led him around or aided him in his daily life. The new solitude that enveloped Iruka gave him the chance to focus entirely on his remaining senses without having to worry about making a fool of himself in front of the ANBU member. Inu was rarely even in the same room as him and, when he was, he was as far away as he could be.

The distance Iruka's moment of anger put between them hurt the brunet. Each time Inu was near him, writing coldly on his palm, Iruka felt another stab in his heart.

In less than a week, he had figured out the basic layout of his bodyguard's apartment. Surprisingly, it took longer to convince the uncharacteristically quiet man that they should buy food that was easy to make. Instant ramen was now a staple because not even the ANBU member could ruin boiled water.

To save himself from self-destruction, Iruka memorized the block and already began recognizing his neighbor's unique scents within two weeks. And, in a small place in his darkened heart, he had also become determined to return to his old life despite his handicaps. Bumping into things had become common enough that Iruka hardly noticed it, but he noted that his footing became more secure with each passing day. He became more adept at navigating around people by studying their chakra, but he could only do so for brief flickers of time. It was like a normal person opening their eyes for a mere moment to get an indication of who was around them. It helped, but it wasn't the same as being able to truly see where he was going.

Inu, when he became too tired to read chakra signatures, would begin coldly writing on the back of his arm. He would describe the people around them so Iruka did not bump into everyone, but it was nothing more than that. Just like Iruka had wordlessly asked – his bodyguard was not helping him more than absolutely necessary. Whatever else the elite shinobi was, he was careful in reminding Iruka of his condition in the past two weeks. He no longer helped, even when Iruka tripped and fell to the ground. But Iruka almost wished his bodyguard would encroach on his pride just a little and help him like he used to if it meant that that warm presence would return to his dark world.

By the third week, Iruka had also come to realize that Inu was quite aptly named. In his cleaning moods – which became more and more common as he became more sure of himself in Inu's now familiar apartment and had little else to do other than become more and more alone – Iruka had found quite a few squeaky dog toys that seemed to keep popping up around the apartment. In keeping with his new quiet nature, Inu never once mentioned them. Then there were the food and water dishes that Inu had stuffed underneath the kitchen sink.

The best Iruka could figure was that the ANBU had a dog at one point, but it had passed away. That would explain why he never smelled a dog, much less encountered one. In his mind, it also was one reason for Inu's silence on the matter. Finally, after tripping over a rubber toy and falling into a table – not only hitting his head, but probably cracking the table in the process – Iruka had had enough of the seemingly possessed objects. For a brief moment, his bottled emotions exploded in a fit of anger at his bodyguard for changing so rapidly. In that moment, he hated that Inu had followed his idiotic request in not helping him.

When confronted by Iruka – in other words, having the large squeaky toy chucked at his head with surprising accuracy for a blind man – the ANBU member only sighed in that aggravating way of his before getting off his comfortable position on the couch.

Without any warning, Iruka felt a surge of chakra that quickly spread around the room and seemed to reform into all new flickers of energy that, though similar to Inu's, felt different. Each flare was unique, some larger than others, others were brighter. For the first time in weeks, he felt a stab of something other than depressing emotions – curiosity. Iruka focused on the chakra pathways and was stunned into silence when he realized that each flicker he had felt was in fact a dog. Not any old kind of dog, however, but nin dogs if their powerful chakra flares were any indication.

"Ninken?" Iruka whispered as he found himself sitting down on the couch in amazement. Summoned animals were not necessarily rare among the most elite of shinobi, but Iruka had never met anyone able to summon so many at once.

_They're used to leaving their stuff out, the slobs._

If it hadn't been for the fact he sure he would eventually break down and cry, Iruka would have laughed at his bodyguard's words. He had not realized just how much he had missed that beautiful calligraphy. Inu had not spoken to him in days other than a 'yes' or 'no' when asked a question. Drunk on the feeling of Inu's fingers on his skin, Iruka prayed that his bodyguard would continue speaking to him.

_Don't listen to him, Iruka-sensei. The pups are the ones that don't pick up after themselves – the rest of us are cleaner than our so-called master._

Iruka nearly cried out when he felt something sharp press against his hand and begin to write, but the words erased his momentary shock and, instead, made him smile for the first time in a long time. Someone was finally speaking to him with something other than barely contained disgust. Feeling something furry brush against his arm as a weight settled in his lap, Iruka instinctively moved to begin scratching the small dog's ears. Wondering if he should be surprised a dog just wrote legibly on his hand, Iruka continued scratching and was rewarded with the feel of a short tail wiggling against his thigh.

For just a brief moment, he felt normal again.

_He's a traitor._ Inu commented, but Iruka felt no bite in the man's words. If anything, the ANBU seemed relieved. And, considering it was the first freely-given comment in three weeks, Iruka was happy enough to take it without question.

"What's your name?" Iruka asked the tiny dog in his lap. Immediately, his nose was assailed by a stench he recognized as dog breath. Despite his best efforts, his nose crinkled at the strong scent.

_Pakkun, Iruka-sensei._ _The others are Bull, Shiba, Bisuke, Akino, Uhei, Guruko, and Urushi._ _We left the pups at home – we didn't want to scare you with the whole pack._

"It's very nice to meet all of you," Iruka replied as he stretched his hand out to the largest flare of energy approaching him. He could only assume that this enormous dog was Bull. Having never been around animals all that much, he squeaked when he felt a warm, wet pressure against his palm. It took him a few moments to realize that he had just been licked by a dog easily twice his size.

Kakashi watched all of this in stunned silence. His dogs didn't even take to him that quickly, but at the same time, Iruka wasn't commanding the dogs to do something for him. Instead, he was his usual polite self and, using Pakkun as his interpreter, introduced himself to each ninken. A small smile tugged at the jounin's lips as he watched the man he had fallen in love with. It was a relief that Iruka got along well with his dogs, but at the same time, Kakashi had to wonder why it was a relief. It wasn't as though Iruka would be a permanent part of their lives. Once his attacker was captured and he was safe, Iruka would be gone. If Kakashi wanted to pursue a relationship with the teacher after that, he wouldn't be able to hide behind his ANBU mask. He couldn't use an alias to keep his true identity from the man.

He would tell Iruka who he was because he loved him and, no matter how painful rejection would be, he couldn't live with the possibility that Iruka cared more for "Inu" – someone who didn't exist anywhere other than in Iruka's mind.

Not that he had a snowball's chance in hell of convincing Iruka to have a relationship with him. In the past three weeks of being quiet around the teacher, it was obvious that Iruka did not need him. The brunet was learning how to adapt to a sightless, soundless world just fine without him. Each day, his steps became more confident, his gentle touches of things more informative. All Kakashi was needed for was to protect Iruka with his life if it ever came to it. How nice – his years of patriotism boiled down into being a human shield for a man who hated him.

The past three weeks had been painful not only because of his self-inflicted silence, but because Iruka never asked him for help. Not once did the teacher express a need for him or even a desire for his company to rid them of some of the monotony of their days. It hurt to be so useless.

Watching as each of his dogs alternated between sniffing and licking Iruka before they formed a pile of fur around him, Kakashi wondered why he was so surprised that the dogs liked the teacher so much. Iruka was compassionate and understanding; everyone loved him, though the same could not be said in reverse. That kind teacher did not love everyone in return. Kakashi was one of the few people who Iruka certainly could care less for. But, then again, not everyone loved the impossibly stubborn brunet.

Looking at the white bandages that covered the teacher's useless eyes, Kakashi corrected himself. There was at least one person in the world that did not love Iruka.

XXX

That night, Iruka didn't fall asleep alone in Inu's bed. Curled up by his legs was Bull, who – despite everyone disagreeing with him and the seemingly physical impossibility of it all – somehow found enough room on the bed so that he didn't squash the poor teacher. Pakkun was stretched out by Iruka's middle and two of the younger puppies somehow found their way into the apartment and wormed their way into Iruka's heart in the blink of an eye. They were currently sprawled across the pillow.

Kakashi watched the softening of his once battle-hardened pack with silent regret. He couldn't be angry with his dogs. They had been starved for attention so long, it was no wonder they clung to Iruka like he was their long-lost mother. Kakashi tried to find time for them all, but he was constantly on missions and, if not on missions, was busy with something else. Be it standing as Sasuke's best man for the wedding, helping Sakura with her very, very obvious courting of Rock Lee, babysitting for Kurenai when his friend had to go on a mission, making all the travel arrangements for Sasuke and Naruto's honeymoon for Tsunade… the list went on and on.

He felt horrible for not spending enough time with his ninken, so he was happy they liked Iruka so much. If they wanted, the entire pack could take shifts to watch over Iruka along with him. Kakashi doubted he would take a moment's reprieve, but at least another set or two of eyes and ears would protect Iruka even more. And perhaps then Iruka would open up to someone, since he obviously was not going to do so with him.

Then there was Iruka's reaction to the ninken to take into account. For the first time in three weeks of watching him, Kakashi had caught a glimpse of a smile – a hint of a chuckle. Whatever magic his dogs wove, it was doing wonders for Iruka. For that reason, he would happily keep the pack by Iruka at all times, even if it meant he had to watch on the sidelines as the flea-bags did something that was impossible even for him. They could bring Iruka back when not even the man who loved him could boast such a feat.

A saddened smile tugged at Kakashi's lips as he watched Pakkun having a puppy dream. With his legs flailing wildly, the stern pug was making soft squeaks and growls that wouldn't even frighten a bunny, much less the assuredly fearsome prey he was dreaming about going after. In response to the weak kicks against his abdomen, Iruka began petting Pakkun in his sleep.

Almost as though he knew his brother was getting the teacher's attention, Bull squirmed up the bed, worming himself underneath Iruka's other arm and began shaking until the teacher scratched his belly. Oblivious, the two puppies continued sleeping on the pillow, one shifting just enough that he accidentally rolled until his head rested on Iruka's shoulder.

And these were the fearsome animals that Kakashi trusted with Iruka's life.

Of course, given a single strange scent, a nearly inaudible sound, or a movement that no human could sense, all of them would be awake and on guard. Now, knowing that they and their new favorite person were perfectly safe, they all slept without a care in the world.

Shifting on his uncomfortable seat on the floor, Kakashi pressed his back against the wall as he brought one knee up to his chest. Bowing his head, he focused his attention on the apartment and – though outwardly it looked like he was asleep – Kakashi was anything but. Despite being exhausted, he couldn't knowingly fall asleep while Iruka's attacker was still out there somewhere. Meditating, he remained as still as a statue as he kept a careful watch over the man he loved.

XXX

Iruka woke up quickly, but felt no moment of fear despite the crushing weight across his middle that hindered his breathing. All it took was a brief survey of the room and the chakra flares told him that he had four dogs sprawled around him – or, in the case of Bull, _on_ him. Squirming, Iruka somehow found his way out from underneath the massive creature and, as he fell to the floor, Iruka was amazed that none of the dogs woke up.

Slowly getting up off the wooden floor, the teacher searched the room, finding the familiar flicker of his bodyguard's chakra in the corner. Already, it was second nature to search for Inu's energy. He was accustomed to the ease with which he focused on that flicker of chakra as much as Inu's unique scent and his handwriting. Even though Inu spoke infrequently, his body spoke volumes in how uncomfortable he was being around Iruka. In three weeks, he had become exceedingly sensitive to the small nuances of his bodyguard and was no longer surprised by his own perceptiveness. Iruka only wished that his blindness would not keep shocking him every time he woke up.

A few steps and Iruka was standing in front of the man. Judging from his location, Iruka figured the man was sitting on the floor. The fact that Inu had yet to stand up or otherwise reveal that he was conscious was what made Iruka kneel down in front of the man.

Inu was always awake before him.

That was what first told Iruka that something was wrong. What confirmed his growing fears was that, when he gently shook the ANBU member's shoulder, he got no response, not even the customary wince that came every time he touched the ANBU member. Iruka could feel the man's chakra, so death, as morbid as it sounded, was one thing he could cross off the list of reasons for his bodyguard not being up yet. Bringing up a hand near the elite shinobi's face, Iruka could feel the deep, rhythmic breaths of someone sleeping.

Sleeping? Could someone have slipped Inu something to make him sleep?

The thought made the teacher freeze in fear, momentarily preoccupied with something other than the darkness of depression. If his guard was poisoned, that meant that someone had gotten into Inu's apartment. Perhaps the sleeping draught had been meant for him and not his bodyguard. Iruka was about to think about that possibility more and try figuring out when his guard could have been poisoned, but having a soft, warm body press against his side stopped him. Pakkun's gentle touch immediately calmed Iruka's racing heart. If Inu's dogs were not worried, then he had no reason to be.

_The idiot was exhausted. He hasn't slept through an entire night since he was assigned to you. I think the only reason he is sleeping now is that he knows we are here to protect you._

Iruka couldn't find words for the emotions he was feeling. A part of him was grateful that Inu had been so dedicated to protecting him. It was a very small part. The rest of him wanted to smack the man awake to yell at him for his stupidity, and then hit him just to get his point across. Perhaps then he would break down and cry, telling Inu how lucky he was to be whole and that he should never take his health for granted. Iruka wished he could have slapped that kind of sense into himself a month ago, along with a better sense of self-preservation.

As it was, Iruka could only bring a hand up to touch the sleeping man's face. Expecting the cool porcelain of his ANBU mask, Iruka quickly jerked back when he felt warm, soft skin against his fingertips. So surprised, Iruka must have let out a squeak because he could feel – and smell – the unmistakable puffs of air from Pakkun as the dog laughed.

_Don't be surprised, Iruka. He only wears that mask of his when you two are in public or if someone stops by._

"I wonder what he looks like," Iruka said softly, not wanting to intrude on Inu's privacy and touch the man's face. Other than tall and muscular, Iruka knew little about the man who had pledged his life to him. Perhaps a better picture of his face could help make him understand Inu.

_Touch away, he won't mind. Just don't touch the left side. He's a little sensitive about it – an old injury left him scarred._ Pakkun may torture his master at the best of times, but he was still loyal to the jounin. He knew that Iruka was a smart man. It would not take the teacher long to piece together the facts – that he was being guarded by a tall, thin man with a scar over his left eye who could summon dogs. There was only one person in the village who could possibly match that description – and that wasn't taking into account Kakashi's uniquely colored hair or penchant for romance novels.

Iruka shook his head as his hand moved away from the man's face. Shifting, he put one arm underneath the shinobi's knees and the other behind his back. Easily, Iruka lifted the taller man into his arms and, trusting the small dog to move out of his way, walked back to the bed.

Surprised to find the bed vacant, but still warm from its occupants, Iruka gently laid the sleeping shinobi under the blankets. Pulling the covers up to the man's bare chin, Iruka momentarily concentrated on his bodyguard's chakra pathways. No, Inu wasn't injured or in any kind of danger – even his chakra screamed that he was exhausted. It was a wonder he hadn't passed out a long time ago.

He was about to walk away from the bed, but recalled how painful it could be if he forgot to take his hair down after having it up tightly for a while. Unsure about how his bodyguard wore his hair, Iruka wanted to make sure Inu wouldn't run into the same problem. And, despite his flash of anger three weeks ago, he never would want the quiet man in any kind of pain. Having a reason to touch his guard, the teacher gently trailed his fingers along the top of his head, chuckling quietly when he felt impossibly soft hair underneath his fingertips. Not only was the man's hair soft, but long. Having done so enough times on himself, Iruka quickly took Inu's hair out of its tight ponytail.

Unable to leave the man just yet, Iruka found his fingers trailing through the ANBU's silken hair. For Inu to sleep through all of this, the man must have been beyond tired. Most shinobi Iruka knew, no matter how tired they were, would have woken up by hearing the sound Iruka must have made as he fell out of bed. They would have certainly been roused by the teacher's gentle shake or by his picking them up and carrying them. And, as strange as it sounded, shinobi seemed to be particularly sensitive when it came to their hair – touch a single strand and they would be awake in the blink of an eye.

But Inu continued to sleep without a care in the world.

Finally forcing himself to stop touching the shinobi, Iruka slipped out of the room. Waiting for Pakkun to follow him, he closed the door behind them, and then began walking towards the kitchen. Once they reached the small room, Iruka stumbled around as he put on a pot of water for tea. Sitting down at the table, Iruka wasn't surprised when the dog hopped up in a seat next to him and began writing on his hand.

_Why wouldn't you touch his face?_ Pakkun couldn't fathom it – it was obvious that Iruka was filled with curiosity, but he still refused to simply touch his bodyguard's face, which would have told him exactly what Kakashi looked like. Any other human would have killed for a similar chance.

"It isn't that I don't trust what you told me, Pakkun-san. It's just that, if Inu wants me to know what he looks like, he will tell me himself," Iruka stated softly. He wanted his bodyguard to trust him, to willingly talk to him without the uncomfortable atmosphere that they had built around themselves in the past few weeks. The great amount of respect Pakkun had for the teacher increased a hundredfold with those words. He had never met a human so honest and trustworthy – not even his own master.

_Good. He told me I would like you. I thought he was just saying that to make me come and babysit. He tricked me once that way with his genin team. Bastard._

"He had a genin team?" Iruka questioned, not wanting to pry, but at the same time curious beyond belief. Inu was someone who could go either way when it came to a genin team – he could have been a great teacher or a horrible one. He would have been great because he had patience and understanding, but horrible because he obviously had difficulties relating to other people.

Because he understood, it didn't mean he knew how to express it. Iruka had experienced Inu's insecurity a few times. When he tripped and fell or blew up at Inu, the ANBU seemed agitated as though he had something important to say, but then would fall silent – or, in Inu's case, wordless. It was infuriating at times, but Iruka could understand how Inu had problems with putting his thoughts into words, especially when he was bent on giving Iruka the space he had accidentally demanded. It was the same for the exceedingly intelligent shinobi Iruka had the fortune to teach. Neji, Sasuke, Shikamaru – there were many people who did not know how to express themselves when it came down to it.

But there were some times where Inu got it right. There were those times over three weeks ago when he said just what Iruka needed to hear, or when he did the right thing, like introducing his pack to the teacher. That showed that he trusted Iruka with his precious animals. That small display of faith was enough to ward away the suffocating pain temporarily as Iruka wondered why Inu trusted him so. The fact that Inu was so worried about him that he refused to sleep most nights said that he was protective of Iruka. It cried that, despite the painful distance they had put between themselves, he still cared.

That thought made a strange butterfly flutter in Iruka's stomach. Though he had only known Inu a couple weeks, Iruka felt as though he knew the man better than he knew anyone else other than Naruto. He could judge Inu's emotions and actions in an instant, a simple sigh from the man was a fount of information – a single etched word on his hand told an entire story. It didn't matter that Iruka had no idea what Inu looked or sounded like. He knew _who_ Inu was – an impulsive, intelligent, and fiercely loyal shinobi. Iruka knew the man that, he had the feeling, few people ever saw. He was also stubborn to the point of idiocy, though that was Iruka's greatest fault as well.

It was not until that moment that Iruka realized just how well he knew his bodyguard and that truth floored him. He had always kept people at a distance, only allowing Naruto to come near his guarded heart. He had been betrayed before, but in his pain, he found Inu to be the only balm to ease his suffering. It was no wonder the ANBU member meant more to him than a simple bodyguard.

Pakkun watched the changes in expression on Iruka's face in fascination. He didn't have to read minds to know that the teacher was thinking about his master and his feelings towards him. Maybe Kakashi was wrong in believing that he never had a chance with this academy teacher. The possibility made Pakkun happy for his master's sake. For a decade, he had been putting up with Kakashi's love-filled griping, so any hint that Iruka felt something other than hatred for the Copy Cat Ninja was cause for celebration.

Not to mention the past three weeks of absolute agony as he had to listen to Kakashi pour out his human emotions to him. The jounin was being an idiot for not talking to Iruka and explaining that the teacher's obvious dislike of him was painful, so that was why he had as little interaction with him as possible. Then there was the fact that Kakashi had yet to tell Iruka about his feelings for him. Stupid human.

Still stunned by the realization of his closeness to Inu, Iruka did not waste a thought on the depression he kept locked away in his heart. Instead, he felt a flicker of hope as he wondered if he could possibly live a normal life. One ANBU member had shown him trust – perhaps he should follow his example and start to believe in himself. "Pakkun-san, how long do you think Inu will be sleeping?" Iruka asked curiously as he brought a hand up to scratch his chin thoughtfully. Eyeing the teacher, the pug could only guess what the man was up to.

_A good part of the day unless the end of the world comes – he sleeps like the dead when he's this tired._

"I was thinking that it might be nice to make him something other than ramen," Iruka commented quietly, his tone a mixture of longing and compassion. Perhaps it was about time he tried rebuilding his odd relationship with Inu. Even if it meant doing something he was terrified he would not be able to accomplish, he was willing to try it if it meant he could once again have a conversation with the only person who would not pity him.

The ninken did not have to wonder on Iruka's obvious conflicting emotions. He had lived through those first painful months with Kakashi. He knew how even the simplest and most inconsequential of things to others was cause for celebration for a boy with only one good eye. For Iruka to strive for something as common as cooking meant he was taking a step towards healing his heart just as much as his spirit.

Snorting, Pakkun shook his head in agreement only to realize a moment later that the teacher couldn't hear or see him. Damn, the brunet's perceptiveness was so uncanny; it was easy to forget that the man was blind and deaf. _Then I would suggest you turn off the stove before we leave._

XXX

Kakashi was slow to wake up. Momentarily disoriented, he groggily opened his eyes and looked around. It was his bedroom, but there was something unusual about it. It took him quite a while to figure out that he was in his bed. He usually passed out on his couch most of the time, so it was rare for him to even _be_ in his own bedroom. What made it stranger was that, for the past three weeks, Iruka had been sleeping in his bed and he on the unforgiving floor.

Iruka!

That thought made the jounin fly out of his bed as he frantically began searching his apartment for the teacher's chakra signature. Finding the flare of energy in the kitchen, Kakashi let out a soft sigh of relief. He hadn't done the unforgivable and lost his charge. No matter how painful it was to watch over Iruka, he would never want any kind of harm to come to the younger man.

With his heart still racing in his chest from his momentary scare, he made his way through the hallways and into the kitchen only to see something that he never expected to find. Immediately, his eye focused on the humming brunet who was stirring something in a pot the jounin had never seen before, on the stove Kakashi rarely used. Sitting on the counter next to the stove was Pakkun, who wore a broad grin as his tail happily swished across the countertop.

Iruka was by the stove. He was standing before a flame and a hot pot that he could bump into at any given moment. He could burn himself with ease – and Pakkun was just sitting there! For a moment, Kakashi forgot how to breathe. "Have you lost your mind?" Kakashi roared as he glared at his most trustworthy dog. Pakkun only spared him a glance before pressing his paw to Iruka's arm. In response, the teacher chuckled.

Kakashi froze at that sound, his jaw dropping very nearly to the floor. It was not that painful, forced chuckle of self-hatred or icy irony, but a sound of actual enjoyment. It was music to his ears, but at the same time, it stabbed at his heart. He had never been able to make Iruka laugh like that.

"Inu is going to yell at me if I fatten you up too much!" Iruka softly protested as he pulled the spoon out of whatever it was he was making and offered it to the dog to taste. Kakashi watched this in amazement, swallowing back the pain that his dog was more equipped to taking care of Iruka than he was. Whatever anger he felt towards his ninken evaporated when he saw the teacher's hesitant smile. It took him a few moments to realize that not only was Iruka smiling and talking to the dog, but he was _cooking_!

Perhaps he shouldn't be so mad at Pakkun for letting him fall asleep. Whatever those two had done while he slept, it had boosted Iruka's confidence enough that the teacher didn't seem to be taking his handicaps into account as he maneuvered around the kitchen with ease.

"That better not be for me – I'm not eating anything that has your slobber in it," Kakashi mumbled at his dog as he walked up behind the teacher. Gently, he touched Iruka's shoulder, hoping that he wouldn't surprise the brunet with his presence.

"You should still be sleeping," Iruka said softly, his calm tone revealing that he knew of his guard's presence long before he felt the ANBU's fingers on him. As he spoke, he turned away from the stove long enough to face Kakashi, revealing a pout that – despite its obvious attempt at sternness – was beyond adorable in the jounin's mind and caused his chest to tighten in something that wasn't entirely unpleasant. Maybe it was Iruka waving a wooden spoon at him that ruined his scolding.

_I should be protecting you._ He wrote slowly, wishing that he had not gotten so unaccustomed to talking to the teacher in the past few weeks. It felt positively awkward trying to write a sentence when for three weeks he had only used one or two words at a time. But how could he explain that it physically hurt him to be that close to Iruka – to know that the teacher hated every moment they were near each other? Yet, something had changed. No longer did Iruka exude discomfort as he stood near him. Instead, the teacher seemed to be more like the man Kakashi had seen the first few days after the attack.

"And you are, but exhausting yourself to the point of passing out is not going to help either of us. As you can see, Pakkun-san kept me perfectly safe all day," Iruka stated calmly as he set his spoon back in the pot, knowing better than to mention that he and the small dog had gone out grocery shopping during those hours of freedom. Using Pakkun as his eyes, their adventure was no more dangerous or difficult than it would have been had he gone with the dog's master. No, there was no reason to worry or upset Inu. For a brief period of time, he had not cared that his world was filled with a void of nothingness. Pakkun had led him by their noses, teaching him that there was a way to get around the lack of light. The freedom that little dog had given him was beyond anything Iruka could have hoped. "I will follow any order you give me, no matter how much I disagree with you, but in return, you have to listen to me when I say that you do not have to watch me 24/7."

_It is my duty-_

"And part of your duty is to be healthy enough to protect me when necessary," Iruka pointed out, interrupting Kakashi before the jounin had a chance to speak. Then again, what could the silver-haired man say? That he couldn't sleep easily, knowing that someone was out there who wanted Iruka dead? That he was having nightmares during his waking hours? That his nightmares were filled with him helplessly watching Iruka die a thousand and one different ways? That he blamed himself for the depressed state Iruka had been in for the past few weeks?

He couldn't reveal any of that to Iruka without explaining why the teacher's life meant so much to him. And, as much as he loved Iruka, he couldn't possibly tell the brunet his one greatest secret. It would hurt far too much to have the man reject him. Kakashi knew it was impossible for Iruka to ever come to care for him, but he still wanted to keep the tiny flare of hope alive. It was one of the few things that he still clung to as a reason for living.

"I'm sorry for the other week. I didn't mean to snap at you," Iruka finally whispered as he went back to his stirring, hoping that his bodyguard would accept his belated apology. He did not want to be alone anymore. Not when there was a man who could, amazingly, understand the kind of dark hell he was now living in.

_There's nothing to apologize for, Iruka-sensei._ Kakashi hoped that his fingers did not tremble too much as he wrote those words. A mixture of fear and giddy relief washed over him as he realized that, perhaps, he had Iruka had finally reached some kind of understanding. It might not be his fantasy of Iruka falling madly in love with him. It might not even be a begrudging friendship, since they hardly knew one another.

But it was a start.

XXX

Infinitely thankful that the concoction Iruka and Pakkun were making had been for the pack and not for human consumption, Kakashi had been given a cooking lesson as he helped Iruka make their own dinner. Of course, his aid may have resulted in more work for the teacher, but Iruka seemed pleased that he offered to help. And, if it meant Iruka would grace him with one of those hesitant smiles, Kakashi was willing to swallow the pain of being so close to the brunet.

Eyeing the pot of simmering rice, Kakashi raised an eyebrow. Who really listened to those instructions that said to keep it covered until it was done? As the impatient jounin was about to lift the lid and check on the grains, he found the back of his hand being smacked by a wooden spoon.

"You don't listen to directions very well, do you?" Iruka asked as he returned to stirring his chicken. Freezing, the jounin recalled how his father had once asked him that same question in an identical tone of voice. Kakashi could only stare at the teacher in shock as he recalled the last time he had ever cooked with someone else.

The White Fang was perhaps an even worse cook than his son, but there was one thing he could make – oyakodon. Rice, chicken, and eggs – they were the only three things his father could cook, so it was no wonder that he had perfected a meal that used all three.

Kakashi watched in stunned silence as Iruka continued making a meal that the jounin hadn't had since his father died. He could never forget how his father had used his kunai to cut the chicken into perfectly sized pieces. Iruka, on the other hand, had asked him to cut everything. Even if the brunet had not asked for help, Kakashi would have refused to let him do it himself. He would have had a heart attack if he saw the blind man trying to cut the ingredients.

"Are you alright, Inu? Was it something I said?" Iruka asked softly. Even blind and deaf, he could feel the immediate change in his bodyguard as soon as he had spoken. It was as though the very air he breathed was laced with the shinobi's pain. That agony, in turn, brought back waves of his own because Iruka understood the ache that shinobi were taught to ignore, but erupted at fragile moments.

_You reminded me of my father. He said the same thing to me._

Iruka bit his lip, wishing for a moment that he wasn't so proficient at reading the emotion in Inu's handwriting. After three weeks of having to read his bodyguard's emotional state through one or two terse words, Iruka found his brief sentences to be fountains of information. Gently, the teacher touched his bodyguard's tense shoulder. "He passed away?" Iruka didn't even have to ask – he already knew the answer.

_A long time ago._

"I'm sorry. I lost both my parents in the Kyuubi attack," Iruka admitted softly as he went back to stirring the chicken. His words had no emotion to them – he was just stating a fact that he had long ago come to terms with. Instead of recalling the pain of losing his parents, he focused all his attention on the chicken. Having to judge its doneness off of the smell of it, he concentrated on its aroma a moment. Unable to detect the unmistakable scent of burning food, he decided it could cook for a little while longer and went back to facing Inu. Right now, his bodyguard's emotional wellbeing was far more important than dinner.

_My father… died… when I was eight._

Iruka gasped as his heart went out to the ANBU before him. At eleven, it was hard enough losing a parent. He could not imagine what it was like to live through that at such a young age. Squeezing the shinobi's shoulder softly, he smiled sadly. "You must be close to your mother, then."

_I never knew her – she died when I was a baby._

Kakashi closed his eyes, wishing that he could remember her. He recalled his father showing him pictures of her, but there was not a single memory of _her_. He knew she was beautiful, that she was a talented musician, and that his father loved her with every ounce of his being – but he never _knew_ her. It was one of the most unfair twists of fate.

Taking a shaky breath, the jounin wondered for the umpteenth time what he would have been like had his parents been a part of his life. Would he have followed in his mother's footsteps instead of his father's? Would he have ever become the revered shinobi he was today? Or would he have been an even greater shinobi if he had known a family's love? So caught up in his thoughts, he nearly jumped when he felt warm arms encircle his waist. As it was, he still jerked back as someone embraced him for the first time in over twenty years.

"I'm so sorry," Iruka whispered as he rested his head against his bodyguard's muscular chest. Listening to the man's strong heartbeat, Iruka wished for Inu's sake that his life had been different. No one should be orphaned at such a young age. At least Iruka had known both his parents – Inu hadn't had even that one saving grace. And, because of his loss, Iruka understood him all the more. Without a family to love and support him, was it any wonder that Inu was uncomfortable with emotions?

Tightening his arms around the ANBU, Iruka ignored the man's instinctive tensing. There were very few shinobi who were at ease with physical displays of emotion – even fewer who had no problem with being hugged by a stranger.

Stranger. As pitiful as it sounded, that was what Iruka was to Inu and visa versa. He had been living with Inu three whole weeks, but he had never once realized that the shinobi was an orphan whose only family was his pack of ninken and, perhaps, the genin team he had once taught. If he had his sight, would he have seen old pictures of people long gone – or the lack of them – that would have clued him in? If he had his hearing, would he have noticed how quiet the man's entire apartment was? Would he have known that silence revealed that the rooms had never been filled with a family's laughter?

The emotional pain of his blindness blindsided him, leaving him breathless, as he realized just how much he had failed to notice because of his handicap. All he ever figured out in the past few weeks, other than his character, was that Inu was a loner. He was a man with very few material possessions, judging from the lack of clutter. He was someone not accustomed to living in his own apartment, as shown by his abysmal kitchen and his even worse knowledge of it.

In that moment, Iruka had to know who the man in his arms was. Despite weeks of trying to train himself, to improve his 'sight' by picturing chakra pathways, it still drained him so quickly and only gave him a glimpse of the world around him. Whatever headaches he would get later, Iruka deemed them worth it. He needed to be able to picture the man who could be so considerate, but have never truly known a family's love.

Focusing all of his concentration on the man before him, an image began to appear in the teacher's head. Slowly, it began to clear from a fuzzy figure of pale blue chakra into a human shape. Hands with long, delicate digits formed at the base of lengthy, yet powerful arms. Perfectly rounded shoulders sat on top of a torso that would make Adonis cry in jealousy. He had a narrow waist, slim hips, and legs that seemed to go on for an eternity.

Bravely, Iruka let his fingers trace the form he was able to picture. Though clothing obstructed his touch, he could still feel the dips and curves of a beautifully formed body. The more he concentrated on the pulsating chakra beneath his fingertips, the more detailed the image in his mind became. He could see where chakra pooled around old and new scars, revealing a patchwork of injuries that proved the man before him was a seasoned warrior.

His fingertips radiated an ethereal blue from the numerous scars that his summoning jutsu must have resulted in. Across his torso was a bright shock of energy from a more recent injury. One thigh revealed a deep stab wound that must be quite old, while the other leg showed signs of being broken more than once.

Kakashi knew exactly what the teacher was doing. How could he not have realized it when Iruka's chakra was flaring, seeping around them in order to get a better picture of him? He had grown accustomed to Iruka's way of looking at people in the past few weeks, watching in silence as Iruka tried to train himself. But he had never felt the teacher put so much effort into his odd ability. Immediately, he had known that Iruka was trying to form the clearest picture possible. But just how clear could that image be when he was mapping out chakra pathways?

Though Iruka's fingers only touched him innocently as he tried to imagine what he looked like, the jounin felt his body catch fire. Never before had such brief moments of contact been so arousing. Perhaps what was more seductive was how Iruka seemed to be sculpting an image of him, detailing every inch of him.

For one insane moment, Kakashi had wondered how Iruka would react to a mental image of him. Would he be able to see that something wasn't quite right with Kakashi's left eye? Would he somehow detect that his eye was in fact a Sharingan? Or would he picture Kakashi being normal and whole? That uncertainty was what made it impossible for Kakashi to stand still as Iruka's attentions moved upwards.

Finally, Iruka worked up the courage to focus his concentration on his bodyguard's face. Almost as soon as a slightly crooked nose began to appear in his mind, Iruka found himself being thrust backwards both mentally and physically. Inu wrenched his head to the side so that Iruka could not focus on the left half of his face as he pushed the brunet away. At the same time, Iruka's image of his bodyguard was destroyed in a blinding wave of chakra coming from the ANBU member.

As soon as it registered in Iruka's mind that his bodyguard was no longer in his arms, the teacher blushed furiously. He got the feeling that Inu's response was more than just being sensitive about old scars. It didn't take him more than a moment to figure out what may have caused his bodyguard's quick reaction. Anonymity was the most important thing to the ANBU team. It was why they wore their masks, why they took on aliases, and Iruka was about to ruin it because of his curiosity.

The darkness returned so quickly, Iruka had to bite back a cry. It was such a sudden change from the near-normal sensation that he had to wrap his arms around himself to keep from falling apart. How could everything be so good one moment and so horrendously wrong the next? Then again, it wasn't the first time Iruka had plummeted from heaven to hell. "I'm sorry – I didn't mean to-" Iruka stopped speaking when he felt a warm touch against the back of his hand. It wasn't angry or mistrustful as Iruka would have assumed it to be. Instead, it was gentle and, for that reason, Iruka did not jerk away from the contact.

_Please don't apologize for being curious. I expected you to try to picture me weeks ago._

"B-but no one is supposed to know an ANBU's identity… I should have respected that," Iruka said softly as he bowed his head. He desperately wanted to ask if Pakkun was right and that Inu never wore his mask when it was just the two of them. If so, why? It wasn't normal ANBU procedure, but then again, there was no chance that Iruka would catch a glimpse of him and be able to recognize him in the future. He didn't ask, though. Somehow he knew that it would be one question Inu would refuse to answer.

_And you did._ A soft puff of mint-scented air hit Iruka's face and the teacher knew that Inu was sighing. _I will compromise with you. Don't try picturing my face using chakra._

"And what do I get?" Iruka asked quietly, wondering why using chakra would be the one thing the shinobi didn't want him doing. Was the scarring that bad? No, that couldn't be it. Inu wasn't the kind of person to be so vain as to care about a few scars. Given a new conundrum to distract himself with, Iruka poured all of his energy into the issue at hand instead of fueling his despair.

Kakashi took a deep breath as he wrapped his fingers around Iruka's hand and brought the teacher's fingertips up to the right side of his face. He owed it to Iruka to give the man a complete image after the past three weeks of painful silence. Touch was something he didn't have to worry about – no one alive knew what he looked like under his mask. As long as Iruka never felt the deep scar over his left eye, he would picture a whole, handsome face that he would never recognize. For reasons the jounin couldn't even explain to himself, he wanted to give Iruka at least that.

Iruka was about to protest, pointing out that, whether by chakra or by touch, it was the same thing. He would still be able to picture Inu's face. Any attempts at speaking, however, were forgotten when he felt warm, soft skin underneath his fingertips. A soft, warm puff of air hit the palm of his hand, making Iruka realize that Inu was pressing his hand against his cheek and jaw.

Hesitantly, he focused his attention on the ANBU's perfectly sculpted cheekbone and his narrow jaw line. Beneath his fingertips was the softest skin he had ever felt, having obviously never been roughened by facial hair. Iruka snorted softly, knowing he would have to make fun of the man at some later time for his baby face.

Thoughts of mocking Inu disappeared from his mind as he moved his fingertips upwards. Gingerly, he brushed over long, thick eyelashes that fluttered underneath his touch. He could feel the faint puffiness underneath that eye, revealing that Inu was still far from being well-rested. Biting back a stinging reprimand, Iruka instead continued touching the man's face. Inu had a thin, arched eyebrow that rose in curiosity as Iruka continued his survey.

Respecting his guard's privacy, Iruka moved his fingertips to the center of the man's forehead, but never to the left side of his face. Instead, he began trailing his fingers downward. He could feel the deep furrow between Inu's eyebrows, which revealed the man did quite a bit of frowning. He smiled sadly as he realized there were no marks on the ANBU member's face that revealed that he smiled or laughed often.

He could feel the unevenness of a nose broken multiple times. Knowing Inu's personality, Iruka had the feeling the man had set his own nose because he was too obstinate to go see a medic. Despite the lack of symmetry, Iruka found his guard's nose fitting. It revealed not only Inu's stubbornness, but also hinted at a mischievous side of the otherwise perfect man.

Having a mind of their own, Iruka's fingers came to rest on the ANBU's parted lips. Warm, moist air tingled against his fingertips as Iruka put together a picture of his bodyguard's face. What he came up with made him forget where his fingers were.

Inu was not simply handsome – he was beautiful. His face seemed ageless – Iruka couldn't tell if he was fifteen or fifty. All the teacher knew was that the man before him had seen hardships no one should have to deal with. He didn't smile easily, but he frowned often. The fact Inu refused to let him picture the left side of his face sent such mixed messages. Inu wasn't a self-conscious person, but he didn't want Iruka picturing his scars. Was he for some reason embarrassed because the other half of his face was so painfully perfect?

Iruka was about to ponder that further, but lost his train of thought when he felt Inu shift underneath his touch. Had he his hearing, he was certain he would have heard the ANBU swallow heavily. He could feel the barest movements underneath his fingertips. If he could have seen, he knew he would see the man's cheeks turn a vibrant shade of pink. He could feel the heat radiating off his face.

All he knew was that the man he was touching so intimately was trembling.

_Satisfied?_ Even Inu's usually perfect handwriting revealed his tenseness as the ANBU stepped away from Iruka.

Backing up was the only thing Kakashi could do to keep himself from crushing Iruka against him, ravishing his mouth until he rendered the teacher senseless, and then taking Iruka to his bed. The jounin gasped hungrily for air, wishing that it was possible to will away his painful erection before Iruka somehow figured out what kind of outcome his innocent caresses had on his body.

No one had ever touched his face before. Not like that. Oh, his father had pinched his cheeks and the Fourth had constantly tried to push his lips up into a smile. But that was different. Theirs were affectionate touches; Kakashi had no idea what to call Iruka's. Whatever they were, the jounin had the feeling he would have been less aroused had Iruka demanded to similarly map out his throbbing member in perfect detail. Going from three weeks of hardly speaking to one another to this made his head spin.

"I'm sorry," Iruka apologized, though he wasn't entirely sure what he had done. Had his touches been inappropriate? Had he gone too far and made his bodyguard uncomfortable? Perhaps he shouldn't have touched the man's wetted lips.

_Don't apologize, Iruka-sensei. I'm just not used to people touching my face._ Inu replied without any hint of anger. The only thing that the man's statement contained was the truth of his words. Glad he had not offended his bodyguard, Iruka smiled slightly.

"Thank you. Now I have a face to accompany that annoying laugh of yours," Iruka replied softly. The only problem with that statement was that he couldn't picture that hard, yet achingly beautiful face ever cracking a smile, much less laughing as he knew Inu did from time to time prior to their fight the other week.

Kakashi studied Iruka's face curiously. There was something that was disturbing the teacher, but he wouldn't pry. He didn't want to find out that Iruka was trying to picture what he was trying to hide on the left side of his face. He did not want to know how close the teacher was to the truth.

"May I ask something?" Iruka spoke slowly, his tone holding an ounce of nervousness Kakashi had never heard coming from the teacher before. Quickly, he wrote a quick agreement on the brunet's hand, though his heart was plummeting into his stomach. As painful as the teacher's question might be, Kakashi didn't want to have to draw it out any longer than necessary. He had miraculously lasted three weeks without Iruka figuring out who he was. He was amazed he had lasted that long.

How would Iruka ask him? Would he wonder out loud what chakra would reveal that touch couldn't and make a conclusion? Or would he be direct and ask if "Inu" was in fact the same person as Hatake Kakashi?

"How old are you?"

Kakashi was momentarily stunned by Iruka's question. It was nothing like the query he had been expecting from the all-too perceptive teacher. Finally, he let out a soft chuckle. He should not be shocked – Iruka was full of surprises.

_Thirty eight._

Iruka actually snorted at that, not believing that such a strong, energetic man could be so old. Thirty eight was not necessarily _old_, considering Iruka was nearly four years behind him, but it didn't seem to fit with the youthful picture of Inu he had conjured in his mind. If he had hazarded a guess, he would have said the man was in his twenties.

That thought made Iruka hesitate. Did he really think Inu was around the same age as Naruto? No, his bodyguard was far more mature than his little brother. But there was still that hint of mischief, of humor, that reminded him so much of Naruto.

_Most people would take your laughing as offensive, Iruka-sensei._

"Let me guess, you're already going grey," Iruka responded with a chuckle, not expecting the ANBU member to actually answer him.

_All silver, actually._

Kakashi's offhand comment was rewarded with a sputtering from the teacher. He could judge Iruka's emotions well enough to know the teacher had placed him as much younger. Some days, he felt every day of his near four decades, but other times he felt as though he could run circles around his old students. Such was the life of a shinobi.

"So Tsunade-sama assigned me an _old_ pervert. I never did anything to deserve that," Iruka replied, though the hint of humor touched his scarred face. It took Kakashi a few moments to realize that the teacher was joking with him. No one ever made fun of him like that other than Naruto, who could care less if his old genin teacher would take offense. As it was, he didn't mind the blonde's teasing at all, nor did he feel hurt from Iruka's mockery. If anything, it made him laugh at himself.

If Iruka thought his silver hair was due to age, that the left side of his face was horribly scarred, and that Inu really existed, Kakashi was willing to lie. And it surprised him to realize he was not doing it for his own sake – to save himself from heartache. Those few smiles and brief displays of humor from Iruka were worth every falsehood he told the teacher.

XXX

Dinner that one night was destroyed; the chicken was burned beyond recognition. It didn't matter that Iruka and Pakkun's excursion outdoors only resulted in giving Inu a dinner of rice and eggs. It didn't matter that the ANBU member was scraping pans for hours afterwards, nor was it a problem that the entire apartment was filled with the scent of smoke.

Iruka didn't care about any of that because, for the first time since he was injured, he felt almost like himself again.

His bodyguard had opened up to him, revealing a painful, lonely childhood. He showed that he didn't have a perfect life where he laughed often, but then again what shinobi did? Whether or not he was aware of it, Inu had given Iruka a reason to wake up every morning.

If nothing else, Iruka was going to help his bodyguard. He was used to sorting out his students' and friends' problems, so what was so different about doing so for Inu? It would not only serve as a distraction, keeping that darkness at bay for a short while. A part of Iruka also desperately wanted to give Inu back a bit of the kindness and trust he had shown him.

First, Iruka decided he would have to get the older man to open up even more to him. Then, perhaps once he knew Inu better, he could figure out why the ANBU was so sensitive to his handicaps. Maybe once he figured that out he could start understanding why Inu feared that he would find out what the left side of his face hid.

XXX

Authoress: I checked their ages with Narupedia, so we're good to go this time (for those of you who have read other stories of mine where Iruka and Kakashi's age difference was far from the truth)!

B.Z.: ...Crap...I cant believe he hasn't figured out that it's Kakashi. It's so obvious... **pouts**

Authoress: I know, but Iruka can't hear or see him – and Kakashi is behaving pretty "un-Kakashi-ish"…but just wait! And thank you B.Z.-chan for beta-ing once again! And, I have to give kudos to the newest member of our beta-ing team! Everyone, meet DragonFlowers-chan! She does amazing work (and made me go back and do much-needed work on this chapter)! So this chapter goes out to her and her wonderful criticisms! Thank you so much for joining us, Dragon-chan! Until next time, ja ne!


	6. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

Memory is a funny thing. It needs constant reminders in order to keep the past alive. No one believes they could forget their mother's voice or their father's laugh, but when one only knew them for a short while and lived so long without them, it is no wonder that the memories become fuzzy.

Scents, feelings, sounds – all types of recollections worked in the same way. Over time, the imagination takes over, imposing what it wants instead of what really once was. But what happens when a sense is entirely cut off? No longer given cues and reminders, how can a memory survive when it is starved for attention? How long before a mother's face is forgotten? How soon until the memory of your own face grows hazy?

Worst of all, how long until even colors become a trick of the imagination? Weeks, months, years? What does it matter when ultimately the term 'red' no longer has a meaning? Do a few months make a difference when you can no longer recall how the sky looked or how blue your brother's eyes were?

For Iruka, it was just over a month before he could no longer confidently picture the orange of Naruto's jacket in his mind.

XXX

By unspoken agreement, they fell into a routine. Mornings were spent with Iruka adjusting to the dark, quiet world around him. Usually, it consisted of Iruka becoming lost in thought while his bodyguard did anything he could to give the brunet some privacy. Afternoons were filled with slow walks around the village, down vacant streets and through empty forests. It wasn't that Iruka still had problems walking among crowds, but that he hated being reminded of his handicaps so much.

As much as he cared for his old students, whenever they bumped into one of them, they expressed their pity. Iruka quickly hardened himself against the anger he immediately felt. He was still alive and able to function, so he despised their unspoken, but implied, opinion that he would never be able to return to his old life.

He never blew up at them, but that didn't stop him from _wishing_ he could yell at them for being so sorry for him. He could not show the pain he felt, not if he wanted to keep a tight grip on himself and the calm façade everyone expected from him. No, only around Inu was he willing to show even a fraction of the emotion that tore through him at any given moment. His bodyguard was the only one who did not try to tell him not to worry and that things would work out. He was the only person Iruka could trust with who he was becoming.

It was for that reason, that change in who he was, that Iruka demanded their evenings be spent training. He needed something to take his mind off of everything. He had to have one little reminder of the confident shinobi he had once been.

At first, Kakashi was hesitant to agree with his mulish charge. A blind, deaf Iruka mixed with weapons was far from relaxing for the jumpy, overprotective shinobi. Iruka agreed to not practice with blades for the time being, but that did not ease Kakashi's mind. Instead of metal, he had to worry about Iruka being injured by fists and feet and, from time to time, the ground or a tree the teacher collided with.

Within a week of practicing taijutsu with the teacher, even the jounin was impressed with how quick Iruka's reflexes were and how his instincts were so well honed. He knew it was in part because of Iruka's uncanny ability to view chakra. The teacher told him once that he had gotten so used to the jounin's energy that he could sense it without even trying. For that reason, he always knew where Kakashi's attacks were coming from and was able to try to dodge or counter-attack accordingly. Though he could understand where his bodyguard's attacks were coming from, it did not always mean that Iruka was able to defend himself well enough to save his own life in a real situation. His new, developing fighting style was impractical not only for that reason but also because Iruka tired out far too quickly. Studying the ANBU member's chakra for more than a few minutes gave the brunet a spitting headache.

After a particularly grueling sparring session, Iruka flopped down on the ground, leaning back against a tree trunk. A few seconds later, he felt Inu do the same mere feet away. The ANBU didn't say anything – he didn't have to. His concern washed off of him in waves. Iruka could only roll his eyes out of habit. Despite having his eyes covered by a strip of black material, somehow Inu had known what he had done and sighed in response, filling the air with the scent of mint.

His bodyguard leaned towards him and began gently writing in Iruka's outstretched palm. _You winced a few times during our sparring. Are you injured?_

Iruka desperately tried to hide the shiver as he felt Inu's fingers trail across his palm, his characters sending the brunet's head spinning. Inu's words were never inappropriate, but their method of communication was becoming more and more distracting for Iruka as he developed an increasingly sensitive sense of touch. Every gentle curve Inu drew on his hand made the brunet's stomach do strange flips. Each intricate character took every ounce of Iruka's self-control to comprehend instead of falling into a heap of quivering lust.

No matter how he looked at it, Iruka could not deny that he had been less aroused by lovers bent on making him scream in pleasure.

He did not think that Inu was being purposely seductive in his writing, but Iruka could not stop his heart from racing whenever there was a chance Inu would want to talk to him. He could not hide the rise in temperature, nor could he ignore how his entire body screamed for him to move Inu's hands to places other than his palms.

The thought of those strong, yet delicate fingers tracing along other, far less innocent, areas of his body made Iruka whimper under his breath. He could not imagine what it would be like for Inu to touch his chest or back. And, dare he even think it, lower down? Would he even be able to survive a single encounter of that nature when he was falling to pieces by a few kanji on his palm? Shifting, Iruka prayed that his growing arousal was not as visibly obvious as it felt. He might let his mind wander in flights of fancy, but he would not destroy his new, comfortable relationship with Inu for a few moments of pleasure, no matter how mind-altering they promised to be.

The brunet shook his heads in an attempt to dislodge his downright naughty thoughts from his mind before recalling what exactly it was Inu had asked him in concern, obviously not trying to seduce him with his masterful touch.

Swallowing heavily, Iruka wished that he could hear just to know if his own voice felt as weak and needy as his entire body felt. "No, just getting a headache," he replied truthfully as he winced again. He didn't want to tell his bodyguard about the annoying ringing in his ears. The high-pitched noise was threatening to drive him insane, but it was the first thing he had heard since the explosion. A part of him was excited at the proof his hearing was finally returning after over a month of silence. He knew Inu, on the other hand, would demand he go see Tsunade to make sure there was nothing wrong.

As much as he loved his Hokage, he had refused to visit her since being released from the hospital. Just for a while longer, he wanted to spend all of his energy and concentration on training so that he could fight the darkness away. He didn't want her to check his eyes and tell him the one thing he feared most. That his eyes were not healing – that he would be permanently blind. He did not want to consider what his future was going to be.

Ignorance was bliss, or at the very least, more comforting than the truth.

Kakashi watched his charge in concern. He couldn't do anything to help with Iruka's headache other than offer medicine, which he knew the stubborn teacher would refuse. His worry, however, was not entirely over Iruka's pain, but also what had made that shadow cross over the teacher's face for a brief moment. Whatever Iruka was thinking about, it was not something he wanted to share with anyone.

XXX

Iruka pressed his forehead against the cool windowpane, wishing his headache would go away. The ringing that had started several days ago had yet to leave him and it was that sound more than anything else that was causing him pain. He was no longer used to hearing anything, much less a loud, high pitched noise that continued on relentlessly.

Able to do little else to keep his mind off of the incessant ringing, he tried to picture his little brother, but he could not seem to get his garish outfit right. The shade did not seem to match. Naruto did not wear red, but it was not the bright, sunny yellow that was his only other alternative. Shaking his head, he focused more on his brother's face, but that too did not sit right with him. Something was off, but Iruka could not understand what it was. But how could he forget what Naruto looked like? The blonde had been so much a part of his life, yet Iruka could not recall just how blue his eyes were.

Then, suddenly, there was something other than the ringing. Grateful for something to distract him from the sickening realization he could not remember his brother's face, Iruka focused all of his attention on that sound. It was faint and almost completely covered up by that damn ring, but it was still there. Furrowing his eyebrows, Iruka tried to place the soft, bell-like twinkling.

It was fast, changing pitch and intensity so rapidly, it was hard for the teacher to keep up with it. At the same time, however, it had a strange, soothing rhythm to it. Concentrating even harder, Iruka discovered the noise seemed to be coming from where his bodyguard was currently sitting.

Inu always spent time at that oddly-shaped table in the morning while Iruka tried losing himself in his thoughts. Having always assumed he was writing letters, reading, or something else, Iruka was amazed when he realized the noise seemed to match up with the tiniest movements of the ANBU member's long fingers.

Slowly moving to stand up, Iruka turned towards his bodyguard and began walking over to him, following the haunting sounds.

"What are you doing?" Iruka asked softly, not wanting to interrupt Inu, but dying with curiosity as he reached out to touch the ANBU's quickly moving fingers. Unable to help himself, Iruka was immediately able to pick out the light scarring across his bodyguard's knuckles. Abruptly, the beautiful sounds ended as Inu jerked his hands back in surprise.

Iruka steeled himself against shivering as Inu began writing on his bare forearm. _I'm sorry, was I bothering you? _ The teacher didn't answer immediately; his fingers were tracing the area where his bodyguard's digits had just been. Finding the surface to be unfamiliar, Iruka furrowed his eyebrows. This was not the slightly oily surface of the well-polished table. It was just as smooth, but it was colder than the wood. It also had deep, yet thin grooves at specific intervals. Curiosity getting the better of him, Iruka added a little more pressure but jerked back when the odd rectangle moved downwards. Iruka was about to apologize, certain he had somehow broken the table, when his ears were met with a loud noise.

It took only a moment to realize that the table was not a table at all, but a stand-up piano. It was much longer before it clicked in Iruka's head that Inu – a battle-hardened ANBU member – had been the one playing it.

"You play the piano?" Iruka asked so quietly, he wondered if his bodyguard had even heard him. It didn't match Iruka's image of Inu; he could not picture the powerful man playing that beautiful song he had heard through the ringing, saving him from the agony of admitting his visual memories were degrading rapidly.

_Hai. I play most mornings._

Kakashi watched Iruka, seeing the obvious surprise in the brunet's features. A part of him wished he had lied. No one knew he was musically-inclined. At least, no one _alive_ knew that he had taught himself to play the piano so that he could know his mother through the sheets of notes and scribbled comments written by a feminine hand. The Fourth had known of his talent only because Kakashi had had an anxiety attack when he had broken a few of his fingers during one of his earliest missions. It was the first time Kakashi had cried in front of his teacher. He had been so afraid he would never be able to play again. Thankfully, his hand healed properly and he was able to go back to his music a short while later. Since then, he wore plated gloves to protect his hands and was extremely careful to not break his fingers again. Of course, he couldn't protect himself from every injury. When it came down to deciding between his music and protecting his village, Kakashi would lose his hands before he chanced the life of a comrade. But it would be the hardest decision he ever had to make.

"You are full of surprises," Iruka admitted as he stepped away from the ANBU. Ready to go back to his seat on the windowsill, he froze when he felt his bodyguard's hand wrap around his wrist. God, what he wouldn't give to have Inu's hands relocate on another part of his body!

_Why were you so curious today? You never asked me what I was doing before._

"I was wondering what that sound was," Iruka replied with the barest of smiles. He didn't have to state it outright; Inu obviously understood that his hearing was returning to him after all this time, judging from the tightening grip around his wrist.

"You can hear me, then?"

All intelligent thought fled from the chuunin's mind at those words. It was a deep voice that struck his ears, banishing the last remnants of that persistent ringing and all worries over his fading memories. In place of the ring was a new echo. Instead of being high-pitched and annoying, this sound made Iruka shiver and his toes curl.

No one deserved to have such a sexy voice.

"U-un," Iruka was barely able to gasp, wishing he didn't feel like a pile of soft jell-o. Oh, Naruto would have a field day if he knew his brother was completely undone by a single question! How could one man have such seductive hands and a voice that would make an angel sin? It wasn't fair! Obviously not noticing Iruka's discomfort, Inu spoke again.

"But you couldn't hear yesterday?" Kakashi prayed Iruka hadn't heard his soft whimpers every time the teacher brushed past him as they fought, setting his body on fire. It was a torture Kakashi wasn't sure he would be able to take for much longer. Thankfully, Iruka had stopped their sparring session before his self-control completely unwound.

Iruka shook his head negatively, not trusting his voice just yet. Had he tried to speak, he was sure he would embarrass himself even more. After a few calming breaths, he was about to try his hand at speech, but lost any chance at it when Inu continued to speak.

"Perhaps Tsunade-sama should check and make sure everything is alright."

Damn it, no one had the right to sound so seductive when talking about something so unappealing! Iruka nodded unknowingly, wishing his bodyguard would just be quiet and give him a chance to catch his racing libido. Perhaps then, he would be able to get that strange fogginess out of his thoughts.

When he finally realized what he had agreed to, the brunet found himself already sitting in Tsunade's office. Inu was a sneaky bastard, Iruka was sure of it! Despite his paralyzing fear of what the Hokage may discover, he had agreed to see her and, if nothing else, he was a man of his word. Though he allowed the busty woman to poke and prod him, shine light all over, and ask him question after question, Iruka blamed his bad mood on his bodyguard. Said man sat in the corner of the room, ignorant of his charge's momentary hatred of him.

Finally done with her examination, Tsunade spoke, "Iruka, you've been playing around with chakra, haven't you?" The teacher furrowed his eyebrows, trying to match his leader's face to that voice, but it didn't fit. Tsunade spoke in muted tones, not this higher pitch that was far too youthful even for someone of her appearance. Then again, her face was just as fuzzy as Naruto's when he tried picturing her. Could it be that his sound-based memories had been leaving him just as quickly as those involving sight?

"He has been studying chakra pathways," Kakashi supplied from the other side of the room as he watched Iruka's face fill with confusion. He couldn't understand Iruka's reaction to Tsunade's question, much less the sigh that the Hokage let out in response.

"That explains it, then. Your ears are perfect, Iruka," she stated as she came to stand before the teacher. "Using as much chakra as you obviously have, your ability to heal has been increased a hundredfold, if not more. Your eardrums should show some kind of scarring since you've ruptured them on two separate occasions, but there is no indication of any injury. You're healing almost as well as Naruto does."

"But he heals so well because of demonic chakra," Iruka said softly, still trying to figure out why Tsunade sounded different. It took him a few moments to understand her statement. She was just one of many things he hadn't recognized the sound of. The ring of the clock tower was too piercing, the jingle of the kunai in Inu's pockets was too loud and sounded far too much like chimes.

Everything sounded different because he had gotten used to his imperfect hearing. Thanks to Naruto, his ears had been damaged since he was twenty years old. For the first time in over a decade, Iruka was able to hear things as they truly sounded and not how his scarred eardrums picked them up. Now knowing why the Hokage sounded different, Iruka nodded his head at her diagnosis. It thankfully wasn't his failing memory destroying what little peace he had left in this case.

"He heals so quickly and without scarring because he has so much chakra running through him at any given time," Tsunade replied as she glanced over at the jounin who positively exuded unease. It was obvious Kakashi was nervous that Iruka was going to figure out who he was. Perhaps she should tell the silver-haired man later, with Iruka out of earshot, that there would be no chance the brunet could recognize his voice. From what she had heard, the two temperamental men had met for the first time at Naruto's initial chuunin exam, which meant it was long after Iruka had lost some of his hearing.

"His eyes?" Kakashi whispered so quietly, Tsunade was not sure if she had heard him or imagined it. At least with his black mask, she could see his mouth move. His dog mask, on the other hand, gave her no chance to know for certain if he spoke.

Tsunade bowed her head, not wanting to dash Iruka's hopes. The last thing she wanted to do was destroy his chances at returning to a normal life. Despite being blind, the brunet somehow knew her expression was not a hopeful one.

"It's permanent, isn't it?" Iruka asked hesitantly, wishing that he could have at the very least felt the Hokage shining light into his eyes. Oh, he felt its warmth on his skin, but nothing more. There was no slight change in the colorlessness that encompassed him, no lightening of his dark prison. It was then, as he noted that lack of reaction, that the cold, harsh reality hit him. He was blind and no amount of chakra would heal his eyes.

The pain did not hit him immediately. No, he was too in shock to feel anything other than the numb tingling of an emotional overload.

"Your right eye, yes," the greatest medical mind to exist admitted reluctantly. "It was hit by the full force of the explosion. I'm sorry, but there is no chance you will ever see out of it again." She didn't know how else to tell him that, despite his increased rate of healing, his right eye was showing no signs of regaining any of its function.

Unfeelingly, Iruka nodded his head. What else could he do other than accept the Hokage's diagnosis? No amount of tears or denial would give him his sight back. The fact that he was helpless – that he had no say in his own fate – was what made him experience a wave of self-hatred. He should have been more careful in opening her letters. He should have expected an attack of some sorts. He should have seen something was wrong with the all too perfect letter. He should have been a better shinobi. Should have, would have, could have – hindsight was not going to give him his vision back, but he hated himself all the same.

"Thank you for your help, Tsunade-sama." About to leave her office and wallow in the sickening sense of loss that had hit him the moment he had walked into the Hokage Tower, he froze when she spoke again.

"There _is_ hope for your left eye," Tsunade added hesitantly, not wanting to tell Iruka how slim that chance really was, especially not when she saw the disbelief in his face. At the same time, she didn't want to get his hopes up, but that was exactly what she was doing. She wanted him to see that there was still a chance and perhaps that would be enough of a push to bring back the old Iruka.

She missed the man who would come to sit in her office just to pass the time or to make sure she was sober enough for work. She wanted the brunet who played pranks on his own students to teach them a lesson. She needed to hear Iruka screaming at her jounin for their atrocious handwriting. Their village desperately required their greatest academy teacher.

She was grateful for everything Kakashi had done to help Iruka cope. Coming to grips with his handicaps was one thing, but the new, introverted man he had become as a result of them was another. She could see he was more in control of himself and his emotions. He was stronger as a shinobi and as a person. But he no longer trusted as easily as he once had. Tsunade had the feeling that there might be only two people alive that Iruka believed he could still trust.

It just so happened, one of them was sitting in this room, quite possibly unaware of the honor he didn't deserve.

She thought it was stupid of him in the first place to hide his identity from Iruka, but she never argued it. In fact, she helped facilitate it, knowing that there was no way Iruka would agree to have Kakashi watch over him as long as his attacker was still free. She also understood how private of a person Kakashi was. He didn't trust anyone easily, not even someone whose heart he had somehow wormed his way into. And wormed is exactly what Kakashi did. It was obvious to anyone that Iruka cared for that idiot. She was unsure what kind of connection it was on Kakashi's end, but she could see that Iruka would do anything to protect his bodyguard.

It was strange how their roles had somehow reversed enough that Iruka would see the _need_ to protect Kakashi. The Copy Ninja was the least likely person to ever need someone else – he was a genius, he was powerful, he was the greatest shinobi of his generation. But the way he watched Iruka showed that he relied on the teacher for something that Tsunade could put no words to. It was not until Iruka finally spoke that she started understanding the fragility of Kakashi's position.

"Inu, can you take me home?" Iruka asked quietly as he slid from the table. Before he even had a chance to feel his knees buckle underneath him, his bodyguard was there, cradling him against his strong chest. Feeling weak, Iruka didn't argue against Inu's pampering. He didn't want to reveal to Tsunade that he was trembling so much, he wasn't sure he would be able to walk. Instead, he wrapped his fingers around a piece of the ANBU's cloak as he rested his head against Inu's shoulder. In his arms, Iruka felt safe for a brief moment. For that instant, Inu could shield him from the pain he knew was racing towards him.

Iruka may be blind, but he could still tell what the Hokage had not been saying out loud. Her tone of voice told him that regaining even a fraction of his sight was a near impossibility. She as good as declared that he was permanently and completely blind.

It was in that instant, as she watched Kakashi hold Iruka with such tenderness, that Tsunade finally realized how much the jounin was giving up to protect the brunet. She understood why he decided to be the teacher's bodyguard, and why he had seemed tortured by agreeing to do so.

He was in love with a man who had no idea who he was.

Knowing better than to say anything, Tsunade glanced over at Kakashi, hoping that the jounin wasn't stupid enough to let his feelings for Iruka show. She may be a romantic, but not even she could let a relationship between the two men blossom. Getting involved with one another would certainly put Iruka's life in more danger than it already was – Kakashi knew that. Focused on Iruka as a lover, he wouldn't be able to assess situations with the cool, emotionless calculations ANBU bodyguards were required to perform.

For a moment, Kakashi's shadowed gaze met hers and, in that single glance, Tsunade saw the agony she had unknowingly forced on one of her favorite shinobi. She could see that he would say anything and do anything to protect the man in his arms from any kind of pain. If it meant lying about who he was, creating a person that didn't truly exist just to keep Iruka safe, Kakashi was more than willing to do so. He would slowly open up to the brunet so that Iruka would believe him when he said that he could be handicapped and still be a great shinobi.

Tsunade could only wonder how much Kakashi was willing to reveal. Would he ever tell Iruka about his own painful past, of living with everyone's expectations and shouldering responsibility long before he should have? Would he tell him about his father? About his team?

The question that burned most in her mind was the one she knew Kakashi didn't yet have the answer to. When the time came – and she was sure it would – would Kakashi be able to tell Iruka the truth?

XXX

Permanent. A simple word that was harmless in and of itself. It was a word Iruka had never thought could have such a frightening connotation, but in reference to his blindness, it was the most terrifying thing in the world.

How could he possibly be permanently blind when just a few weeks ago, he had had a good life? Naruto had just gotten married to the man of his dreams and Iruka was content to work at the academy and as Tsunade's harried secretary. How could have things gone so wrong so quickly? How could his entire life have changed at the drop of a hat, wrenching him out of his comfortable life and thrusting him into a torture that he never deserved?

With no one to commiserate with him, no one to share the pain with, he was left completely alone to drown in the sea of darkness. Disgust in himself, hatred for his sightless eyes, despair over losing his very identity – Iruka did not know what emotion was most powerful or painful. All he was aware of was that there was nothing to save him, no anchor to hold onto as the waves of depression assaulted him, throwing him into his very own hell.

He could feel the hot tears streaking down his scarred face; he could taste the sourness of disgust in his mouth. But they were not enough to remind him that he was still alive. What did he have left that could possibly prove that he still deserved to live when he had no chance of ever returning to the life he had once known?

In the past, he recalled happy memories to keep himself from feeling the pain and sorrow of everything. But what did he have to protect him now? What memories did he have left? A fuzzy image of his beloved brother? A hazy recollection of his parents and students? They were not enough, not by half. He wrapped his arms around himself to ward off the imminent collapse, saving him just for a few more moments before there was nothing left to shield him from the horrifying truth.

He would have been better off dying that day.

XXX

For the rest of the day, Kakashi felt helpless as Iruka shut himself into the jounin's room. Refusing to come out, much less unlock the door, Iruka had been in there for hours. Kakashi respected the fact Iruka would need time to come to grips with the news that, even if a miracle happened, he would still be partially blind for the rest of his life.

Partially blind – just like him.

Despite Tsunade's grim diagnosis, he clung to the ounce of optimism that his hard lifestyle had yet to crush completely. Until the day she said there was no chance for Iruka's left eye, he would consider the possibility that there was hope for the teacher.

Weakly, Kakashi touched the scar on the left side of his face, wishing that he knew what to say to Iruka. Nothing he could do or say would make the teacher feel better, but he could stand as an example that partial blindness was not the end. The mere thought of opening up that much to Iruka made him tremble. How could he say out loud something he even refused to speak of in his mind when he visited Obito and the others?

He slowly moved to stand, hoping that if he knocked on the door, Iruka might answer. It had been far too long since he had heard a sound come out of the room. He wasn't worried about an enemy attack here. He had been on guard since returning from Tsunade's office, but there wasn't even a flicker of activity. No one had infiltrated his apartment; there were no traps, no poisons, nothing that could hurt Iruka.

But Iruka _was_ hurt and there was no protecting him from this attack.

Closing his eyes, Kakashi wished that it _had_ been a weapon that was making Iruka so silent. He knew how to take care of physical wounds. Even a strange jutsu, he could see through and save the teacher from. But this was neither. It was an emotional and psychological problem for which there was no quick and easy solution in his shinobi handbook. For the first time in so many years, he felt completely helpless.

He took a deep breath as he knocked on the locked door, expecting no response and getting none. It took little more than a gesture to pick the lock, but he was still hesitant to enter the room. Finally mustering the courage, he opened the door and walked into the dark room.

His eye immediately scanned the room, finding his charge huddled on the bed. Resting his back against the wall, with his knees drawn up to his chin and his head buried underneath his folded arms, Iruka could have been sleeping for all Kakashi knew. He didn't respond when the jounin sat down on the edge of the bed. After a moment of painful silence, the jounin gingerly touched one of his arms.

_Iruka?_

A soft, muffled sound reached Kakashi's ears and he felt a stab of remorse when he recognized it as a sob. Before he knew what he was doing, he found himself pulling Iruka into his lap and simply holding him as a new wave of tears hit the exhausted teacher.

Gently, he began rubbing small circles against Iruka's back as he tried remembering how his father had used to soothe him when he was very young. Wholly unfamiliar with comforting someone else, Kakashi was amazed when Iruka sagged against him, easily soaking his shirt with his tears. A selfish side of the jounin could not help but love the attention and blind trust Iruka showed him. He adored that the teacher did not become uneasy by his embrace, but instead pressed against him as though he was trying to crawl into Kakashi's body, hiding from the rest of the world around them.

Disgusted with himself for enjoying even an instant of Iruka's pain, Kakashi instead tightened his arms around the brunet, forcing himself to think of anything other than the handsome man in his lap. He softly made shushing sounds, wishing that Iruka's sobs did not tear so painfully at his own heart. This was for Iruka, not for his own selfish desires. That knowledge gave Kakashi the strength to comfort the man he loved, not for a moment wondering how his actions went against everything he as a shinobi, and especially as an ANBU bodyguard, stood for. He did not even think about how, the closer he got to Iruka, the sooner the teacher would figure out his identity. All that mattered was the brunet in his arms and his emotional wellbeing.

Iruka had no words to describe the sheer darkness he felt. Though he had known how small his chances were for regaining full vision, he had unconsciously clung to that idea. He had thought it to be the only fair outcome. But this was not a perfect world. He was not someone who was always nursing one injury or another. He was not immune to the pain of his wounds. He was not accustomed to any of this. He was not one of those great, powerful shinobi his students worshiped. He was just an academy teacher who was helping out by being Tsunade's secretary for a few months. He was not meant for the drama and danger other, more seasoned shinobi dealt with on a daily basis.

He was not supposed to be blinded in an explosion that may or may not have been meant for him. If there was any merciful deity, they would have just killed him in the attack instead of letting him linger in this farce of an existence.

Iruka sobbed against his bodyguard's hard chest, wishing he had never been sucked into working for Tsunade. He had never thought that he would lose his eyesight. He never imagined his life would be in constant danger and that his entire life would be changed because of one fateful afternoon.

In the past few hours, he had run through every emotion imaginable. Self-pity couldn't help him now. He couldn't be angry – he had no idea who to direct his anger at. Certainly not Tsunade or Shizune. He couldn't possibly resent other shinobi who still had their vision. He did not even know who had attacked him. If anyone deserved his rage, it would be that mysterious person, but since he did not know who it was, he directed the hatred at himself.

He had been the one who made the mistake that cost him his eyesight. He was the one who was not healing. He was the one who ultimately had to live with his stupidity. And, for that, he could not help but hate the weak, trustful person he had been. That hatred easily turned into a black depression that Iruka wasn't sure he wanted to save himself from.

Iruka clung to Inu because he was the only anchor the brunet had left. The ANBU member was the only proof that he wasn't dreaming. Inu's strong heartbeat and his gentle touch reminded Iruka that this one nightmare he couldn't wake up from.

It was some time before Iruka found that he had no more tears to cry. Feeling drained, he simply rested against Inu's supporting frame until he found his voice again. "I'm afraid," he admitted hoarsely, finally able to hear his own wavering tone. Even though he had lived just over a month of painful silence, Iruka's voice sounded unfamiliar to his own ears. And he knew it had little to do with his perfect hearing. No, his voice was more emotionally revealing than he could ever remember it being. For the first time in his life, he was opening up to someone else – and it scared the daylights out of him almost as much as Tsunade's grim diagnosis. He would never have his old life back. No matter how slim the chances, he still had them before. Now, the very best he could hope for was a half-life where, though obviously not allowed to train students because he only had one good eye, he might be able to still work in the Missions Office.

It wasn't much of a life to look forward to and, for that reason, Iruka found himself talking to the one person he could confide in. He knew Inu would not scoff at his fears, no matter how groundless they were. He had the feeling that, if anyone could understand him, it would be his bodyguard.

"You wouldn't be a good shinobi if you weren't afraid sometimes," Kakashi replied as softly as he could, continuing to gently rub the teacher's back. Any shinobi worthy of the title was willing to admit when they were overwhelmed, when they needed help. No one could do it all – not even him, though Kakashi had striven to do so for many years.

"You're telling me you've been afraid before?" Iruka whispered disbelievingly. It was hard to imagine someone as powerful and self-assured as his bodyguard could be afraid of anything. It was unbelievable that that strong, deep voice could have once trembled in fear as Iruka's had been. How could that powerful body and those confident hands once quiver in terror? It seemed impossible, but Iruka knew Inu was not lying.

Tightening his arms around the teacher, he remembered when he had found Naruto after his fight with Sasuke. No child that energetic should be so still and pale. A part of him had broken when he was forced to question if he had lost one of the most important people in his life without ever telling Naruto what he had meant to him.

Recalling that first morning when he woke up to permanent blackness in his left eye, Kakashi answered without feeling any embarrassment for saying so.

"Terrified."

He was scared to death the day he got home from a mission only to come home to a house that was too quiet. It wasn't the silence of his father not being there. It was something that only now, after experiencing it so many times, he knew to be the sound of death. A chuunin for already two years, he was thought to be mature far beyond his years. That didn't stop him from dropping at his father's side, yelling for him to wake up. He refused to look at the blood that covered his father, the floor, and his own hands. He had screamed until he was hoarse, shaking his father's cold shoulders, trying to wake his only family up, though he knew somewhere in his heart that it was futile. When he had finally fallen silent, that painful, frightening silence returned.

No, Kakashi understood fear all too well.

Iruka felt his bodyguard's rapid breathing, his racing heart. Whatever he was reliving, it was something that could still scare him just by the memory of it. For a moment, the teacher felt remorse for making Inu remember something that still affected him so heavily.

"I'm terrified of losing people I care about," Kakashi finally said softly, remembering all the names that he recognized on the memorial – and the one that should be there despite his dishonorable death. No one should have to bury so many loved ones. "I've seen far too many of them die."

Iruka nodded his head, understanding the very human fear of death. It was a fear that shinobi rarely admitted to because of their profession, but it was one that all of them had to come to grips with. The teacher didn't fear his own death as much as he did the deaths of Naruto, other students, friends and fellow citizens. Yet death was a common part of his profession, so Iruka dealt with the deaths of others by keeping their memory alive.

But how could he keep remembering them when he could no longer recall their faces? The shade of their skin? The color of their eyes? It was a question he did not even want to consider. The gaping hole that his blindness had torn in his soul was far too raw and painful to start thinking about his fading memories. The agony of realizing everything and everyone he knew was disappearing from his mind would throw him over the edge far faster than his permanent blindness.

"I'm afraid of change – I don't know any life other than being a shinobi," Iruka admitted, not wanting to comment on how he thought death would be better than living with his blindness. He knew that Inu would argue that with him and, at the moment, he did not want to deal with his bodyguard's stubbornness. He was surprised when he not only felt, but heard Inu let out a soft sigh.

"I told you once that you are a shinobi as long as you prove that you still deserve your chuunin title. So far, I haven't seen anything that says you're incapable of doing so," Kakashi said, still not ready to tell Iruka that he wouldn't be the only handicapped shinobi proudly wearing a hitai-ate.

Iruka smiled against his bodyguard's chest, wishing he had his optimism. There was nothing left for him without his sight. He could not continue on like this. He had always thought he was strong, but he did not want this kind of difficulty – he could not handle it. It could never get any better, no matter how fake of a smile he plastered on his face to hide the desire to die. He was cowardly – or maybe honorable – enough to refuse the simple out of suicide, but what were his other options?

He had yet to figure out how to proficiently fight using taijutsu with his lack of vision, but could Inu be right in assuring him that he could do it? If he one day figured it out, would it be so hard to adapt to his new life? Could he actually return to the shinobi world handicapped as he was and one day end his life admirably? He would never have his old life back, but, as he felt Inu's calming heartbeat beneath his fingertips, he started to realize that he no longer wanted that same old life anymore.

He knew that there was no chance that he could completely adjust. He would always miss his eyesight, always desperately wanting to know what the world around him looked like, but could Inu be right? Could he relearn everything and use his newfound sensitivities in touch and smell to continue living?

Iruka felt a flicker of hope warm his chest and he quickly stomped it out. No, he realized, as he pulled his face away from his bodyguard's tear-soaked shirt, that he could never come to terms with his blindness. He could never accept being a part of this dark world where sounds were too loud. There was no way he could get used to how his sensitive nose and tongue picked up everything around him. Then, there was how every inch of his skin cried out with sensations – the slight coarseness of his own shirt brushing against him, the firmness of Inu's body underneath and around him.

No, he could never grow accustomed to the sensitivity of his remaining senses. Not when he missed his sight so very much. He could have lived with being deaf. He would have gladly given up his sense of taste or smell if he could exchange it for his vision. Tilting his head upwards out of habit, Iruka wished he could see the man he sensed staring down at him. Instead of seeing Inu's half-scarred face, Iruka was met with his bodyguard's warm, minty breath. He could feel a piercing gaze on him, searching his features for something.

What was Inu looking for? What did he hope to find? Who was he? Iruka asked himself these questions and many more as he tried to understand the man who could push him so hard that Iruka could momentarily hate him, but selflessly comfort Iruka when he needed it the most. If he could have his vision back, Iruka was certain he could answer many those questions with ease. If he could just look into Inu's eyes for a moment, he might understand who the man was – what made him into the great shinobi he was and the even more amazing person he was when they were alone.

Unconsciously, Iruka's fingers moved up the ANBU member's muscular chest and neck. His fingertips picked up the quickening throb in the man's neck, and his ears registered the increased tempo of a powerful heartbeat. Continuing upwards, Iruka's fingers trailed along a narrow jaw and a perfectly sculpted chin.

Inu was too handsome for words. Iruka found his own heart changing tempo as he daringly moved his fingers up both sides of his motionless bodyguard's face. What his sensitive fingers were met with was not what he was expecting. Anticipating thick, knotted tissue covering the left side of Inu's face, Iruka was momentarily stunned when he felt nothing out of the ordinary other than the absolute perfection of a beautiful face.

Inu was not horribly scarred, Iruka quickly came to realize as his fingers trailed up the sides of his bodyguard's face. Out of a mixture of curiosity and desire, Iruka continued to touch Inu's face. His fingers moved inward, feeling the softness of an eyebrow. But something was wrong. As soon as he felt it, Iruka's fingers froze, hovering over the nearly nonexistent dip in silken skin.

So Inu did have a scar? Iruka did not register that his bodyguard was trembling beneath him, losing what little self-control he possessed as the brunet in his lap mapped out his face. Instead, Iruka innocently pressed his fingers against that thin, vertical scar, and then followed it downwards over the ANBU member's left eye and to the middle of his cheek.

Was this what Inu was so sensitive about? It was just a small scar and, as Iruka added it to his mental picture of his bodyguard, the brunet found himself appreciating the older man all the more. That single scar on an otherwise godly face made Inu far more appealing than if he had been completely unmarred. It proved that, despite his unfathomable beauty, Inu was still human enough to be injured.

That single mark was something that had frightened Inu; Iruka could not understand why, but because of it, he appreciated the opportunity to touch the left side of Inu's face all the more. Iruka leaned forwards, acting without thinking as he pressed his lips against the bottom of the scar. As soon as he did so, he felt his bodyguard stiffen underneath him and, for the first time, Iruka forced himself to focus on the rest of the ANBU member. Inu was quivering, his heart racing, his breathing labored.

Able now to not only feel, smell, and taste, but also hear, Iruka was overrun with signals that all told him one thing: Inu was quite affected by his innocent caresses.

"I-I…" Iruka did not know what to say to a man whose lap he was curled up in. What could he say to explain his chaste kissing of Inu's single scar? How could he brush off the thrilling shock that went through him as he realized just how close his lips were to his bodyguard's? For a moment, Iruka did not mind his heightened senses. He could taste the man's warm breath, smell his unique scent, but, most of all, he could feel every inch of the ANBU member as though he was enveloping the tall man.

What would Inu do if he just leaned forwards? How would the ANBU member react if Iruka lessened the distance between their lips – of if he dared to kiss Inu like his entire body was screaming for him to do? Iruka never got to mentally answer those questions. His mind blanked the moment he felt something against his lips, searing his very flesh with the barely restrained strength he could sense underneath that delicious contact. When it finally clicked that Inu's lips were pressed against his own, Iruka whimpered.

That soft sound made what little self-control Kakashi possessed disappear instantly. Groaning, the jounin crushed his lips against the brunet's, his hands already moving to grip the backs of Iruka's arms so that the younger man could not pull away. Instead of stiffening as Kakashi expected him to, Iruka melted against him. Lean legs wrapped around Kakashi's middle as the brunet's fingers wove into his hair.

With no more than a thought, Iruka pulled his bodyguard's hair from its restraining ponytail and ran his fingers through the soft strands as he opened his mouth. The older man needed no other invitation as he deepened their kiss, tasting every inch of that hot cavern.

Iruka gasped as his bodyguard kissed him. Nothing could compare to the mind-blowing sensations racing through him. This was more than anything he could have imagined. He could not only hear his bodyguard's heart, but he could feel its very rhythm against his own chest as he pressed himself flush against the older man. He could taste Inu's chronically minty breath; he could smell the elite shinobi's desire as though it was its own heady perfume, filling the room until Iruka's head spun.

A quiet moan escaped Iruka's mouth, quickly swallowed by the man kissing him. Iruka returned that wet pressure, wishing that Inu could experience a fraction of the sensations that were wracking his entire body, arousing him in ways he never imagined possible.

How could he have never realized just how amazing a kiss tasted? How had he never smelled the aroma of lust and sweat until now? Was it truly possible he had kissed someone before and missed feeling the rapid rise and fall of their chest with every inch of his body? Then there were the gentle touches against his arms, his neck, back – fingers flitted across his entire frame, branding his skin with desire as though there was no material separating them. It was all too much – all he could do was mold himself against the ANBU member and sob with need. Overloaded with all the new sensations filling him, he could not sense the tears leaking out of his useless eyes. All he could feel, taste, smell and hear was his bodyguard. Inu was all that mattered. Iruka lost himself in his bodyguard's arms, for a moment not recalling that he was blind and without a future. All he cared about was continuing the wondrous experience that proved that he was still alive.

Some part of Kakashi's lust-fogged brain screamed for him to stop. Iruka was emotionally-compromised – he was not kissing him because he wanted this, Kakashi was certain of it! Just a few moments ago, the brunet was bawling against his chest. It was not right that he take advantage of Iruka, not when what he needed most was someone to comfort him.

That thought made Kakashi finally freeze, his nearly-forgotten conscience being thrown into overdrive as he pulled away from his charge. As soon as he was able to see Iruka's entire face, the jounin winced. Even in this darkness, there was no way he could miss the twin streaks of tears running down the brunet's flushed face.

"Damn it…" Kakashi muttered under his breath, hoping that not even Iruka's sensitive ears picked up his words. Slowly releasing the teacher's arms, he brought his hands up to gently brush the tears away from Iruka's face. He had not meant to make Iruka cry – hell, he had not even meant to kiss him, but how could he have stopped himself when Iruka was so close, silently begging to be kissed?

As soon as Inu pulled away from him, Iruka felt a void surround him. Despite still having those warm hands touching him, they were no longer the caresses of a lover. He could still smell and taste his bodyguard's breath and skin, but those sensations were no longer as appetizing as they had been just a few seconds ago. Regret filled the air and all of Iruka's remaining senses could pick up on that emotion as though Inu had spoken it aloud. The pain of rejection stabbed at his chest as he realized the ANBU member had pulled away from him.

No longer overrun by sensations, Iruka found his earlier emotions coming back to haunt him. As Inu silently looked at him, his depression enveloped him, though not so completely that he did not feel the flush of mortification as he realized that he had kissed his bodyguard. Inu had not been the one to begin their kiss, was he? How could he have when he was a _bodyguard_? He had sworn to protect Iruka with his life and could not possibly threaten that by becoming emotionally involved. No, Inu was more professional than that…wasn't he?

And he had been the one to pull away first, blindsiding Iruka's heightened, aroused senses with emotions that only made the loneliness and bleak depression all the worse. After all, who could ever possibly want a blind ex-shinobi? No, Inu could not have meant to kiss him, if in fact the ANBU member had made the first move. Iruka wished he had not heard his bodyguard's soft curse. No, the ANBU member must lament their impulsive actions. It only made his own desire all the more painful as he assured himself that Inu did not want him.

Blushing furiously, Iruka moved quickly as he all but leapt off of the man's lap, falling off the edge of the bed in his rush to get away from Inu. Falling unceremoniously to the floor, Iruka could not stop himself from scuttling backwards. Once he was far enough away from the ANBU member that he no longer could feel the beat of his heart against his chest or the searing throb of his arousal against his leg, Iruka was able to breathe a little more evenly. It was not until he filled his nostrils with something other than Inu's scent that the lump in his throat softened. But he could not stop his own body from trembling in desire, no matter how far away from the man he was. Finally no longer filled with sensations evoked by his bodyguard, Iruka could feel unstoppable tears trekking down his face. The tears quickly changed from those of desperate need to sorrow as Iruka wrapped his arms around his cooling frame, already missing the warmth of Inu's body. Rejection was something that he was not prepared to deal with, especially not from someone who he had finally opened up to.

"I-I think I'm going to go to bed," Iruka whispered as his fingers scratched against the wooden floor, trying to remove the memory of Inu's soft skin from his fingertips. He did not want to apologize for kissing Inu – he did not want to voice the simple fact that the kiss should have never happened. For a few seconds, his blindness had made no difference. It was as though he was normal again while kissing Inu. But how could he explain that to the man who positively radiated remorse? Inu's next words only cemented the pain of loneliness in Iruka's mind.

"I'm sorry about that, Iruka," Kakashi said so quietly, he could barely hear his own voice, but from how Iruka's entire body stiffened, he knew the teacher had understood him perfectly. Though every inch of his being screamed for him to go to the brunet and continue kissing him, he couldn't do it. How could he knowingly seduce the man he loved when Iruka obviously didn't want him?

Unchecked tears were running down Iruka's face and the teacher had flown away from him as though he had been stung – those were not the actions of someone who was enjoying himself. No, even though it physically hurt to stand up and slowly move out of the room, Kakashi knew that it was what was best for his emotional charge. He could not do anything to harm Iruka, especially when the brunet needed something much more than a lover.

He needed someone who could help him navigate out of the sea of emotions he was feeling. Someone had to be there to for Iruka, to tell him that the shock and depression would eventually go away if he fought them. That someone had to understand the pain and loneliness. They had to know what the nothingness of blindness felt like.

Kakashi was all of that – or he had the potential to be. He had no idea if he could possibly help Iruka, no matter how confident Tsunade had been in him after the explosion. How could he make Iruka see that he could recover from the depression and that he could still live without his eyesight?

But, worst of all, how could he do it while ignoring his heart? How could he stand to the side as Iruka slowly came to grips with his blindness? How could he teach him to fight without each touch filling him with desire? How could he watch Iruka improve every single day and not fall more and more in love with him? How could he hold him and comfort him without another repeat of tonight?

With all the questions and insecurities in his mind, there was only one thing Kakashi was certain of: he could not hurt Iruka by forcing his feelings on him. No, no matter what, he would not kiss him again, no matter how desperately he wanted him. For that reason, Kakashi said one more thing before he hastily retreated from the one person who truly made him feel human.

"I'm sorry, Iruka. It will never happen again."

XXX

Authoress: *pulls hair out in frustration* DAMN YOU KAKASHI! YOU HAD IRUKA HOT AND PANTING IN YOUR LAP AND YOU MESSED IT UP! Come on, he was throwing himself at you! Anyways…now that I've vented a bit…just to clarify one thing (thank you, Curious-san for bringing it up in your review) – this story is set in the future (about a decade after the series – Iruka is 34, Kakashi is 38…making Naruto, Sasuke, and the others 23-25 (depending on the character)). Also, a huuuuuge thank you goes to B.Z.-chan and Dragons-chan for beta-ing this chapter! They do amazing work and put up with me! And everyone should worship Dragons-chan – she is the reason there was a lovely kiss this chapter! YOSH! So, please review and, until next time, ja ne!


	7. Chapter Six

Authoress: I am terribly sorry for the insanely long time since my last update! I blame college, my thesis, and above all else, my computer crashing and eating the 50 or more pages I had written for the next two chapters of Blind to You. I was quite frustrated, then busy beyond belief...but now that classes are over with, I am back on my normal schedule and shall make it up to everyone for taking so long to finally get around to writing new chapters! Once again, I apologize for the wait, but I hope this makes up for it!

**Chapter Six**

"Again!"

Iruka bit back a curse that would have proven once and for all where Naruto got his language from. Slowly, he moved to get back up despite the sharp pain that ran through his abused knees. It was far from the first time he had tripped and fallen, but this marked the first time he had to question if he even wanted to get back up.

Crouching on the ground, Iruka rested his head between his knees in hopes of catching his breath and relieving some of the pain that wracked his body. Before he even got the chance to stand back up, he felt a warm hand on his back.

"Why don't we take a break, Iruka-sensei?"

Letting out a chuckle that sounded more like a hacking cough, Iruka found the strength to lift a shaking hand up and flip off the ANBU member before him. He had asked – no, demanded – that Inu not go easy on him. He had begged the man to use full force.

He never thought that he would be so soundly pummeled every single time he charged the elite shinobi.

Slowly moving to rise, Iruka wove uneasily as his head spun. It took him a moment to recall that he had not hit his head, so the dizziness was not from a concussion. No, it was more than likely due to pushing himself so hard, so quickly. Replaying his last failed attempt at stealing a bell from Inu, he growled softly. He had miscalculated where the ANBU member was standing. Though he was only a few hairs off, it was enough that his first punch had barely grazed the fast-moving shinobi. His growing frustration only made his attack worse.

"Sit down for a few minutes."

Iruka ignored the soft plea that came out of his bodyguard. If he stopped now, he could not learn how to fight without his sight. If he could not fight, he could not return to being a shinobi, no matter how long or short the rest of his life may be.

"No," Iruka finally responded as he shook his head. "Again!" he repeated his earlier command, standing to his full height. Tightening his fists, he was about to charge his bodyguard whether or not the ANBU member was ready, but froze when he heard Inu's deep, rolling voice.

"You cannot hope to learn everything in one day."

"We have been training for two weeks!"

"It will take time. And you can't expect to accomplish anything by exhausting yourself," Kakashi pointed out softly, wishing that he did not understand the insane drive that was fueling Iruka. But he did. He knew what it was like to _have_ to improve - to demonstrate that he could still function as a shinobi despite his handicap.

"_Time_!" Iruka ran a hand through his mussed hair as he growled. He needed time – that was what Inu kept saying. No matter how many times the older man said it those words did not help make Iruka feel any better. He was willing to live a life without his vision, but he refused to let that limit him. There were only so many changes he could accept with grace. Losing his ability to fight was not one of them.

Without warning, Iruka flitted towards his bodyguard. Though he had been given no chance to prepare for an attack, the elite shinobi was still ready. He dodged the first kick from his crouching position, rolling across the ground. Iruka followed the familiar flare of chakra, his ears picking up the distinct jingling of bells. That sound only seemed to aggravate him further, teasing him with unreachable goals. For a moment, Iruka no longer was thinking about the fight, but the futility of trying to live without his eyes.

Two weeks had not healed the pain of Tsunade's diagnosis. Iruka doubted that sting would ever completely leave him. It would always be a sore wound that constantly had salt poured in it every time someone made a comment that reminded him that he would never again see. They did not mean to hurt him, but he did not have to see to know that pity lined their faces. He could taste it on their breath, smell it on their skin. He could hear it in their kind words and feel their sympathetic eyes trace over his bandaged eyes. Going out in public only served to remind him of what he had lost. He would never get to see the green grass he could smell beneath him or the brook he could hear babbling on the other side of the clearing. He would never see Naruto's blue eyes or the smiles of his beloved students. He would never get the chance to see the beautiful face of a mysterious man who somehow understood him far better than anyone else could ever hope to. Perhaps that was what hurt most of all - Iruka depended on someone he could not picture other than what his fingers told him. Inu had smooth skin, soft hair, and a body that would make any shinobi envious. But that was not enough. He desperately wanted to see those eyes that refused to look at him with the pity everyone else unknowingly showed him. He would never be able to see the shy smiles he sensed Inu flashed him from time to time.

He wanted to be able to picture his bodyguard not only so that he could know what Inu looked like. He could not fight like this. He had to be able to see the minute shifts in the man's lanky body. He had to see the man's eyes. He needed much more than his four remaining senses to tell him how to defend and attack the ANBU member. He needed his sight if he ever wanted to return to his old life. That thought made his breath catch in his throat as he realized the one thing he had been desperately trying to ignore since the attack that robbed him of his sight. He could not fight without his sight. In that moment he admitted the truth; he would never be able to be a shinobi again if he could not see an attacker.

Seeing an opening, Kakashi attacked. Though he promised to use full force, he pulled back his kick. His foot connected with the teacher's middle, but only at a fraction of what he was capable of. Iruka let out a cry that Kakashi caught only a moment before the brunet fell to the ground. Sliding in the dirt on his side, Iruka clutched his midsection.

The moment that sound registered in Kakashi's mind, he was at Iruka's side. With trembling fingers, he tried to check for any broken bones as his thoughts raced out of control. He had not hit Iruka hard; he had not felt any bone break from his kick. He had not meant to hurt Iruka – every minute bruise he gave the brunet hurt him worse by a hundredfold, but he could not deny Iruka a competent sparring partner. Going easy on Iruka would not help the teacher in the long run. He could, however, do everything possible to minimize the damage he inflicted.

Iruka's pain sliced him so deeply because he did not know what he had done or what he could do to help. It was not until he caught a glimpse of Iruka's face that he started understanding. The black band that was tied over his eyes did nothing to cover up the streaks of tears running down his cheeks.

"It's useless," Iruka finally whispered as he shrugged off his bodyguard's gentle touch. For once, he allowed dejection enter into his voice. For just a moment, he let his emotions show because he no longer wanted to fight to keep himself in check. A part of him desperately wanted someone else to know the hell he now lived. If anyone could understand his despair, he knew it would be Inu. "I can't learn to fight without my vision, no matter how many times you attack me."

Ignoring the tears coursing down his face, he moved to stand, but froze when he felt Inu's gaze on him. This was not the kind, understanding look that he was so accustomed to. It was harsh, calculating and far too cold to match his bodyguard's laid-back personality.

Kakashi closed his eyes tightly, breathing deeply as he steeled himself for the one thing he knew Iruka needed to hear. No matter how necessary it was, it still hurt him to think about even uttering it. Finally, he opened his eyes and stared at the unmoving teacher as he spoke, "I overestimated you. I thought you were a true shinobi, willing to do anything, to push yourself past any limit to protect your village. Apparently I was wrong if you are giving up so easily."

Fighting back the bile that rose to his throat at those words, Kakashi narrowed his gaze as he watched Iruka for a reaction. The response he received, however, was not the one he had planned on. Hoping for anger, perhaps even violence, he was blown away when he saw the teacher's blank expression.

The jounin opened and closed his mouth, unable to form any words of apology for being so hard on the teacher. He knew by the look on the teacher's face that he had gone too far with his harsh comment. He thought that Iruka just needed a push – even if it resulted in an explosion of pent up emotions – to realize his own amazing potential. _This_ was not an overflow of the feelings Iruka must have been bottling up for the past two months as he adapted to a life without his eyes. This was the complete lack of everything.

"Thank you."

Kakashi winced at the brunet's quiet words. There was no need for Iruka to be grateful to him for speaking a truth that the jounin did not believe in. Again, the man's mouth opened in hopes of telling the teacher that he did not agree with one word of what he had said.

Iruka was impossibly strong, both in spirit and will. Kakashi envied him for that. He never doubted himself, he never wavered in his decisions. Few other shinobi could boast that. Iruka did what he put his mind to; though it might take some time, he always accomplished his goals.

"Iruka, I-" Kakashi started out, his tone apologetic, but was quickly cut off by the teacher.

"Don't!" Iruka snapped hoarsely as his fists clenched at his sides, shaking with restrained emotion and the desire to either break down and cry or hit his bodyguard for being an unfeeling bastard. But he found that he could not lash out at Inu. How could he when his bodyguard was only speaking the truth? He could never go back to being a shinobi - not without his eyesight. Tightening his fists, Iruka felt his nails dig into his palms. A dark part of him reveled in the delicious, sharp pain as he further tightened his fists. For once, he was in physical pain that he had complete control over. It was something he could only now appreciate, after living through months of emotional agony that he could do nothing about.

"Don't apologize for telling me the truth. I don't need anyone's sympathy, especially not yours!" Iruka's voice cracked as he whispered those words, his tone betraying the hurt he felt over Inu's harsh, yet truthful, estimation of his worth. Before he broke down and unleashed the emotions threatening to erupt, Iruka turned away from the ANBU member and began walking towards the entrance of the training grounds. When he sensed the older man starting to follow him, he whirled around, quickly beginning to lose his grasp on the emotionless façade he had perfected since the explosion.

Two months of blindness had taught him that he could accomplish far more than he ever thought possible. But it had also taught him that he had to learn new limits. They were boundaries that he had only now begun to realize. With the loss of one sense, the rest were heightened to the point, he could still live day to day despite his handicap. He could cook, clean, maneuver around and otherwise take care of himself. It did not apparently give him the ability to fight, to protect the people he held so dear. Even now, mere feet away from a man he knew as well as himself, Iruka could not picture Inu's exact position. He could not tell if Inu was stretching out a hand to touch him, to uselessly try to comfort him. He could only feel the man's gaze on him and, for an instant, he felt the pity he hated so much coming from the one person he never wanted to feel it from.

In that moment, Iruka knew that even Inu had given into the horrible truth: shinobi can be many things, but blind was not one of them.

That one fact was what broke the brittle shield he had built around himself, covering his fragile hopes with the slim chance of possibility. At first, it was possible that he would regain his sight, but that was reduced to just foolishly hoping for partial blindness thanks to Tsunade's diagnosis. It was possible, according to Inu, for him to keep his shinobi lifestyle, to return to the academy and do what he loved. Because of Inu's faith in him and the hope of one day regaining his fighting abilities, it was possible to keep on living.

But what possibilities were left now when not even Inu believed in him?

With no fighting skills, he had no hope to remain a shinobi. Without his chuunin title, he had no job. Unable to work, he lost his chance to teach the next generation of shinobi. Without those beautiful, bright, and awe-inspiring children to show him that there was always reason to hope for a better future, what was left?

His façade of calm crumbling under the pressure of impossibility and futility, Iruka felt despair unlike anything he ever thought possible. That darkness swallowed him, though it was not hard to do when the brunet had already given up fighting.

"I-Iruka…" Kakashi whispered, unable to even move closer to the teacher as he watched the teacher slowly fall apart. Agony ripped through the jounin, not only because of what he was seeing as he watched the man fall to his knees, burying his unseeing eyes into the palms of his shaking hands. No, it also tore at his heart because he _understood_. Personal experience showed him what it meant to no longer have a reason to live.

For so many years, he lived and breathed to prove that he would give his life for his village. His heart pumped blood so that he could still pretend to be the shinobi everyone perceived him as. He strove to show that he could do at least one thing with a single functioning eye. That was what he considered to be his last and only reason for living.

He joined ANBU and fought in their ranks, uncaring about the difficulty of his mission, of the impossibility of success, of the chance of survival. He did it all to give his life for his people. He bathed himself in the blood of enemies, covered the recesses of his mind with images of the bodies that had piled up because of him, but what made it all bearable was that he could not recall their faces. He did not know their stories, their pasts or the futures he had taken away from them. All he knew was that he was doing a service for his village and that, as long as he continued succeeding, he had proof that he was still alive. But in that proof was a pain, a loneliness that he wanted so desperately to end. Perhaps he was suicidal for all those years, though he never paused to wonder about it other than the occasional self-hatred for surviving injuries that should have killed him.

But then, something changed.

That something was a young man who dared to stand up to him. It was the person who had the courage to tell him, an elite shinobi whose very existence was to die for his village, that he was wrong. But Kakashi was never wrong – if he had been, he would have made a happy, fatal error a long time ago. He would have succeeded in accomplishing the only thing he was good for.

But that man had been absolutely right – he was wrong. He was wrong to push his genin team so hard, to demand that they take the chuunin exams. He was wrong in saying that they were no longer students, but his soldiers. Watching that fateful chuunin exam, seeing Naruto and Sasuke's relationship destroy all three teens, he was taught a lesson that he thought he was far too old and too knowledgeable to have missed.

He learned what it meant to care for someone else.

He realized that those two boys and their bubbly teammate meant the world to him. They had somehow become his only family and, for them, he knew he had been given, not a reason to die, but a reason to _live_. He could live to teach them everything he knew so that they could become not merely better shinobi, but better people. He could teach them that their profession was not everything and that they should live for something more.

It was entirely thanks to the man now kneeling before him that Kakashi was still alive. It was the brunet in front of him who gave him a reason to live, to fight for something greater than him or the village he swore to protect. The compassionate academy teacher was the one who brought light to the jounin's dark prison.

Iruka was the one who unknowingly taught Kakashi that, for so long, he had been blind in far more ways than physical.

It was for that reason that Kakashi had fallen wholly and completely in love with a man that had hated him from their first meeting. Learning that Iruka was a saint, both in thought and in action, only made Kakashi's image of him far more unreachable. But looking at him now, Kakashi slowly came to realize that he had not fallen in love with a _man_ but an _idea_ all those years ago.

He did not truly know the crying man in front of him for all those years, so how could he possibly love him? Since becoming Iruka's bodyguard, he learned just how little he knew about a man he believed himself in love with. Every day, he got to know the real Iruka - the man beyond the perfect teacher. He learned about the proud, stubborn brunet who was orphaned because of the Kyuubi attack. He discovered that Iruka had a temper that he had spent his entire life trying to control, only releasing it in rare, unforgettable bursts that sent people running. He got to know Iruka in a way he had not even dreamed possible. But despite all he learned about Iruka, he did not anticipate Iruka's reaction to his harsh words, revealing that he still did not know Iruka well enough.

"It isn't fair," Iruka said softly, tearing the jounin from his shocking thoughts. Kakashi looked over at him only to see that the teacher was pulling off the black material covering his functionless eyes. As soon as Kakashi caught a glimpse of skin now covered in spotted, pearly scars, he fought to stop himself from reaching out and touching the side of Iruka's face. The scattered marks, unfamiliar to the jounin's eyes, were ones that Iruka had tried to hide away for the past two months. Kakashi wished he had shown them with the pride he should feel for surviving the explosion. Those pale, freckle-like scars revealed a strength - a beauty - that no amount of flawless skin could compare to. "My ears can heal perfectly, but not my eyes."

"Life isn't fair," Kakashi pointed out weakly as he watched the teacher open up his eyes. Met with a chocolate gaze that seemed to immediately fall on him but never focus on him, Kakashi held his breath. For the first time in his life, Kakashi wanted someone to see him for who he was. He did not feel even a momentary twinge of unease as he did whenever someone else looked at him. And, as Iruka blinked several times, Kakashi knew that his lack of fear was not because the teacher could not physically see him. Even if Iruka had his vision, the jounin would have felt the same way.

No longer was he afraid of not measuring up in Iruka's mind. He realized that he did not _have_ to be perfect around the stubborn man – he did not have to pretend to be something he wasn't. Instead of fear or inadequacy as he had grown so accustomed to, he felt amazement in realizing that perfection had only made him into a cold, emotionless being. He much preferred the man kneeling before him who openly admitted that he was imperfect and not capable of everything. For so many years, he had made Iruka into someone – something – that he could never compare to. The fact that he had no chance of having his feelings returned made them stubbornly burn all the more furiously. But now he could see that Iruka was not a saint, a god, or whatever it was he had pictured him as.

Iruka was only human. His heart beat just as Kakashi's did; his lungs breathed the same gasping rhythm. He bled just as easily, but that did not make him fragile. He endured the pain and loneliness of being orphaned as a child, then taking in a boy that every other villager despised. He survived a near-death experience that was covered up by a Hokage. He lived through an explosion meant to rob him of his life. He somehow kept on moving when he was told he may never see again.

But everyone had their breaking point, even Iruka.

Falling to his knees next to the teacher, Kakashi hesitated to touch him. It was not out of uncertainty as to how his attempt at comfort would be received. No, it was something far from unease. For the first time in over ten years of believing he loved this man, Kakashi saw him for who he really was and that truth scared the daylights out of him. He was afraid that he had made a mistake in how he treated Iruka since being assigned to the independent man. Iruka, like anyone else, was imperfect. He did not know everything; he could not do everything. Kakashi had spent the past two months with the belief that Iruka was capable of anything he set his mind to because he was perfect in Kakashi's eye. Bowing his head, the jounin wished he had seen that he was wrong before he had made such a hurtful comment.

For the first time since he was assigned to Iruka, Kakashi wondered if it was possible for the teacher to adapt as he had. No, Iruka was not perfect, nor was he Kakashi. He did not sail through the shinobi ranks and achieve titles and honors many others never accomplished in their lifetimes before he was even an adult. No, Iruka was _normal_. He did not live most of his life for the sole purpose of one day dying. He had known what it truly had meant to _live_, whereas Kakashi lived vicariously through his students for the past decade. And, before that, he did not know what living really was.

Iruka could not accomplish the same things as he had for the simple reason that he had lived. He knew what he lost along with his sight, while Kakashi could not have cared less about the pain-filled, lonely life he had given up only to be rewarded with a different, more violent type of solitude.

Iruka had people he loved dearly, people who would care enough to pity him for his loss. Kakashi did not have that. Minato and Rin never knew of his partial blindness, so they had no reason to treat him differently. Even if they had, they would not have lived long enough to express their sympathy. With their deaths, Kakashi lost all that had tied him to his old life and had begun his suicidal mission in martyrdom in earnest. The years – the missions – they all blurred, revealing to Kakashi that he lost nothing when he went blind. Iruka lost everything.

Unaware of his bodyguard's shattered perception of him, Iruka felt his entire world fall apart. Pre-genin, genin, chuunin - so much of his life had been spent striving to be a shinobi. His entire life, he thought of himself as a shinobi, but what was he now? Thirty-four years of life wasted on a dream that he could no longer continue. "I don't need your protection anymore, Inu," he said evenly as he slowly moved to stand, able to keep his voice from cracking only because he felt numb. The shock of his loss had completely wiped away his emotions for a brief time. "Other than the Elders and foreign diplomats, civilians are not allowed to have ANBU guards." Though those words hurt to say, he knew them to be true. As he spoke, he slowly untied the hitai-ate from the back of his head.

He did not even have to concentrate to find the elite shinobi's hands that he now knew as well as his own. He knew every crease, every scar. He knew the long, powerful digits that could produce the most beautiful music when they were alone. Locking away his regret and pain, he laid the warm strip of metal in those shaking, achingly familiar hands. Though his body and soul cried out to snatch his beloved forehead protector back, he did his final act as a shinobi.

Forever proud, he transported himself as far as his last jutsu would take him before Inu saw his heart break.

Kakashi stared emptily at the metal, for a moment not comprehending what that lightweight object signified. He was far too blown away by the realization that he had not loved the real Iruka, but someone who did not exist, for all these years. It was only now, as he traced the etched symbol on the hitai-ate with his thumb, that he realized that whatever he had felt for that perfect person he had made Iruka out to be, it was not love.

It was lust; it was desire – obsession even. It was the childish stubbornness of wanting something he knew he could never possibly have. He wanted to protect that handsome, perfect man from everything – to keep the brunet safe so that he had proof that there was always something for him to strive towards, to fight and die for. He needed to show himself that there was still innocence and beauty in the world. Whatever else it was he felt for Iruka, it was certainly not love. The burning ache that now beat in his heart as he found himself understanding who and what Iruka had become was not familiar. T_his_ was not what he felt for all those years.

_This_ was love for the real Iruka – he was certain of it.

His entire body ached to race after the teacher to reassure him, but that was not what was different. He physically desired the beautiful man who had somehow held onto every last shred of his pride as he handed over his hitai-ate, but he had wanted him for so many years, it was a common part of his life. The thing that was different was what gave him the strength to leisurely stand and put the strip of metal into his jacket.

Purposely moving slowly, he retrieved his and Iruka's things that had been scattered around the training grounds. Only when he was sure he had given the teacher a good head start in order to calm himself down did Kakashi begin tracking the man who he could now confidently say he loved for all his faults and failings.

He loved Iruka for his compassion. He loved how the teacher would do anything for his students and friends. He loved Iruka's unique view of the world – how everyone was both a student and a teacher. Always learning, always teaching. Yet, he hated that the teacher wanted to help everyone, even him. Kakashi loved his stubbornness and his pride, along with his temper, though those three things were by far Iruka's worst qualities. He loved that Iruka usually showed his emotions openly, but hated when he bottled them up.

Tightening his fingers around the hitai-ate, Kakashi knew exactly what he had to do to help the man he loved find himself again.

XXX

Iruka bowed his head as he continued moving. His entire body hurt from not only his sparring match, but the unforgiving pace he had taken as he ran. He was not sure where his feet were taking him. All he knew was that he had to run. It was not to run away from the village or from any one person – he was not that cowardly. Nor was it to run away from events that were out of his control.

He ran to get perspective. He raced away to clear his mind, to regain the calm façade that he had been able to hide his emotions behind for the past two months. But, most of all, he ran to find acceptance.

Though his mind had already admitted to the logical fact that he would never be able to be a shinobi again, his heart had yet to do the same. Torn as he was, he could not do anything other than run. His entire body cried out in anguish as he continued moving, his toned legs pounding against hard ground that, though uneven, never made him stumble. Even without focusing his attention on his surroundings, he knew when to jump over an exposed root or duck below a low tree branch.

The forest was as much a part of him as his heaving lungs or his screaming muscles. He had grown up in this place, taught from infancy to judge his surroundings not merely for their physical appearances. Like any other shinobi, he had learned how to smell the air, to feel the gentle breeze. He could hear the creak of tree branches and taste the moist earth he flitted over.

It wasn't fair that he still could use so much of his shinobi training, but that he could not do the most basic thing – fight. There was only so much he could do to smell attackers, to hear their movements. He could feel the changes in the air when they came at him, he could sense their chakra, but that would not tell him enough to fight them.

Tightly closing his useless eyes, the brunet leaped over an uprooted tree and would have continued his ground-eating pace, but, with the hair standing up on the back of his neck, he instinctively dropped to the ground when he heard a sound that no shinobi could ever mistake.

The sound of a blade slicing the air – it was a noise that was amplified compared to what he was used to, but still painfully familiar. It was a sound that made his scarred back twinge in remembrance. Mere moments after he hit the soft earth, he heard a loud _thud_ of something metal hitting the tree closest to him. Instantly, he scanned his surroundings for unfamiliar chakra, finding a strange signature that was so faint, it was obviously being cloaked.

It was only then, as he slowly moved to stand back up, that a twinge of fear ran down Iruka's spine. Was it his would-be assassin, back to try again after laying low for two months? Why now? Was this person always watching him, waiting for the first moment he was no longer under the protection of his ANBU bodyguard? How else would his would-be assassin know when to attack? How had Inu not realized they were being followed. Swallowing heavily, Iruka then recalled that even with his heightened senses, he had not felt someone watching them either.

He heard a crunch of dry leaves. His attacker was approaching. The brunet reflexively grabbed for a kunai, only to recall, as his fingers brushed against an empty pouch, that he and Inu wore no weapons when they trained. His kunai, shuriken, scrolls – all of it was back at the training grounds where he had left his dismissed bodyguard. His heart seemed to skip a beat as he recalled Inu's one requirement for training so that neither of them got seriously hurt.

What he wouldn't do to take back what he said to the ANBU member! At least, if Inu was still his guard, the overly protective man would be at his side, doing everything he could to keep Iruka safe. If the elite shinobi was there, Iruka would have had a weapon to defend himself with. But Inu was not next to him, gently touching his elbow reassuringly. He was not standing in front of him, ready and willing to do anything to protect Iruka. He was not there to tell Iruka that he was not as helpless as everyone thought he was. But even Inu finally admitted that Iruka was incapable of returning to a shinobi life. So there were no gentle reassuring words in his ear, no supportive touch, no proud eyes to watch over him and protect him.

Iruka stood alone.

Swallowing heavily, the teacher brought his hands up defensively, ready to try and shield his face from an attack. He was not stupid enough to think that he could protect himself for long, but he refused to go down without a fight. Not this time. He was caught unaware once and lost his vision as a result. Damned if he was going to let it happen again. A flicker of rage burst through the fear as Iruka realized that the person slowly moving towards him was the reason he had lost so very much. That anger gave him the strength to calm his shaking hands and racing heart.

He shifted slowly, turning to face the faint chakra signature he could sense. Placing his weight on the balls of his feet, he balanced his body and prepared to defend himself. He could both feel and hear the earth beneath him crunch as he moved, despite the pounding of his own heart and his labored breathing.

In two months, he had become reasonably adept at picturing the world around him. He could imagine the decaying leaves that he was grinding underneath his feet purely by their scent alone. He could picture the trees that loomed overhead, hiding the setting sun from view, by the coolness against his skin. In that mental image of his surroundings, he could place a featureless figure stalking him from the shadows.

Thankfully, however, he did not need to rely on his eyes to find his attacker's location.

Breathing in deeply, Iruka caught the scent of a shinobi – nothing. Shinobi on missions were careful to never smell, making tracking by scent alone nearly impossible unless using ninken, an Inuzuka or someone of similar abilities. That complete lack of smell was a mixture of using one's surroundings to blend in. Currently, his attacker had no other scent than an earthiness, mixed with the forest's foliage. Whoever it was, they were very good, so much so that they could hide from even his sensitive nose.

Yet scent was only one sense Iruka had at his disposal. He could taste the air, which revealed that soil had been disturbed. His attacker, no matter how lightly he stepped, would kick up dirt. Similarly, Iruka's ears picked up those faint steps, barely crunching the leaves and moss covering the ground. That quiet sound could barely even be heard, even with his heightened senses, but Iruka focused in on it.

His attacker was keeping his distance, which Iruka was infinitely thankful for. It gave him time to study the stranger. He – or she – moved so lightly, it was obvious they were not very large, nor of an overly muscular build. Also, whoever it was, they were a high ranking shinobi. Only jounin or higher could cloak their chakra so well.

Iruka strained his ears to listen as his attacker slowly took a few careful steps towards him. Though his assailant had barely moved closer, he could begin picking up other sounds. He could hear the creak of leather sandals and pick out the soft swish of cotton. Iruka listened to his attacker's deep breaths and, once the stranger moved even closer, the teacher picked out something that even surprised him.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

He focused on that soft rhythm, fighting the smirk that came to his face as he realized that being able to pick out his attacker's heartbeat was enough to tell him the person's exact location. He could figure out the position of his (or her) torso and, from that, what stance he was in. Stance told him what his attacker was planning, what kind of attack he should anticipate.

Iruka did not study his attacker's chakra in similar detail, having exhausted his ability in his sparring session with Inu. And, despite its aid in walking around the village, it was not enough in a fight. Inu moved too quickly, his chakra becoming a blur of blue in Iruka's mind.

As he tightened his fists, preparing for the next attack, Iruka started realizing why he had such a problem fighting his bodyguard. Focusing solely on his chakra, Iruka tried to narrow down the possibilities. But, when Inu's limbs could be anywhere in a streak of chakra, it was difficult to know whether or not to block or to attack. Even harder was to target his attacks when he was trying to guess where the man was.

_Thump. Thump._

Iruka listened to the even pace, picturing his attacker as the stranger finally stepped out from behind a nearby tree, judging from the nearly inaudible sound of cotton scraping against rough tree bark. Immediately, from the way his attacker walked, Iruka knew him to be male. But he did not recognize the chakra signature, so he had no idea who it was who stood before him. Whoever it was, however, he knew to be an enemy. It was obvious not only from the man's offensive stance, but from the quiet clink of metal as he took shuriken out of his pouch.

Damn, if only Inu had let him hold onto his own weapons during their sparring sessions! Iruka bit back a soft growl, but felt no anger towards the man, knowing that Inu had said so only to protect him. He could only imagine what kind of menace he would be to himself with blades when he went home every day with bruises and cuts from just fists and feet.

His attacker moved quickly. Without warning, shuriken were hurled at Iruka and it was only their sound that saved the teacher as he dodged three projectiles. He focused on that high-pitched whine of metal cutting through the air. Twisting, he felt the first cut the air next to his abdomen. The second grazed over his head as he ducked. He found himself leaping into the air and flipping over as the third sliced into the back of his vest.

As he dodged the shuriken, he kept most of his focus on his attacker, waiting for the next tell so that he knew what the stranger was going to do. And that clue quickly came when he heard the dirt crunch and smelled the renewed aroma of earth. His attacker was on the move.

The next assault came from his side. Iruka barely had time to move as he felt a kunai tear through his jacket. It was not close enough to cut his shirt, but it was far too close for him. Despite the pounding of his heart – and perhaps because of the adrenaline pumping through him – Iruka found himself impressed with his attacker's speed. In the blink of an eye, the stranger had moved from being in front of him to his far right. But the man did not stop there.

He continued moving, circling Iruka, all the while throwing blades that the brunet had to use every ounce of speed and cunning to save himself from.

XXX

Kakashi watched the brunet fight for his very life in silence, his fingertips digging into the tree branch he sat on to stop himself from interfering.

XXX

Iruka had to suck his stomach in to miss being disemboweled by a kunai. As he felt the sharpened blade tear across his middle, barely nicking his skin, he made a decision. He could not keep dodging – he had to make a stand.

Taking a deep breath, he turned on his heels, racing towards his attacker. He could almost taste the man's surprise as the stranger sucked in a sharp breath of air, his heart instantly speeding up. Iruka felt a grin come to his face as he swerved to the side mere steps away from his attacker. His feet slid in the rich earth, digging in as he quickly changed directions.

He feinted to the right, having already figured his attacker was right-handed, based off of how he threw his shuriken and kunai. Coming up on his attacker's left side, he grabbed one of the man's hands that had immediately gone up to protect his torso, neck and face. In the same fluid motion, he tore the kunai pouch off of the man with his other hand and picked out one blade, throwing the rest far out of reach.

Even before he heard the chink of the pouch hitting the ground, Iruka brought the blade up to his attacker's neck. His ideas of demanding answers from his assailant were destroyed when the man twisted out of his grasp. Iruka barely had time to register that he was no longer holding the man that he found himself being thrown across the forest, his abdomen crying out in pain.

His attacker sure packed a powerful punch, Iruka admitted as he contorted his body so that his feet landed on the tree he had been careening towards. Pushing off the trunk, he raced back towards the stranger. Ignoring the searing agony in his middle – though, by the tight pain, he knew he must have bruised or cracked a rib – Iruka attacked again.

The man's response this time was to grab Iruka's arm, twisting it until the teacher gasped in pain and was forced to drop his pilfered kunai. The blade fell to the ground and was quickly kicked out of reach. Recalling all of his lessons on grappling, Iruka found himself for once putting his years of teaching hyper, flexible pre-genin to use.

His first twirl around his attacker broke the man's hold on him. The second spin gave him momentum as he kicked his attacker's legs out from underneath him. Hearing a distinctive crunch, Iruka knew he had broken at least one of the man's kneecaps in that move, but the stranger never cried out in pain. The only indication he felt anything was the increased tempo of his heart and a quick intake of breath.

The only downside to his attack was that, along with his assailant, Iruka fell to the ground. But, with two unbroken legs, Iruka had the distinct advantage. Rolling to his side, he tried to reach for the kunai he had dropped. His fingertips felt the blade's still-warm handle, and he strained to get it. So intent on retrieving his weapon, Iruka was caught by surprise when strong arms grabbed his ankles, yanking him away from the kunai.

Instinctively, he kicked violently, connecting with a muscular torso and succeeding in escaping his attacker's hold. That, however, did not save him. Moving again to reach his kunai, Iruka cried out when he felt a small, sharp blade dig into his leg, tearing his calf muscle and successfully pinning him down in pain for a moment.

A shuriken. Iruka had forgotten the shuriken pouch. Cursing himself for his own stupidity, he sucked in a gasp of air as he flipped over, catching his attacker's neck with his remaining good leg. Bending the powerful limb, he forced the other man to the ground.

Few knew that Iruka was physically powerful. Even fewer knew that a single kick from him could land even an elite jounin in the hospital. With little else to do in the past few months, he had increased the strength in his legs to the point, Inu had demanded he not kick full force during their practices.

Sadly, his attacker learned that truth all too late.

All it took was a tightening of his leg to successfully begin suffocating his attacker. A quick jerk of his hip rewarded Iruka with a resounding _crack _as he broke the man's neck. Before his assailant fell limp, however, he was met with a surprising pop and the man who had nearly killed him disappeared in an acrid puff of smoke.

A clone. The realization that he had not been fighting an actual person made the brunet sigh in relief. No matter how much danger he was in, he still despised taking another life. Iruka flopped back on the ground, his leg relaxing as he gasped for air. He knew he did not have to worry about another attack at the moment – there was no chakra he could pick up on other than his own. Replaying the fight in his mind, Iruka could not stop the almost giddy smile from stretching across his face.

He had done it! He had been able to fight without his eyes, more or less successfully. Of course, had he had his vision, he probably would not have been injured by the kage bunshin. Then again, perhaps he would have. Despite the searing pain in his leg and the lesser ache around his middle, he grinned like a fool.

High off adrenaline, he knew his injuries did not hurt as much as they should have, but at the moment nothing else mattered. He was still alive; he had been able to protect himself. Oh, he was certain that one of his more advanced pre-genins could have probably been almost as much of a threat to his life if they wanted to kill him, but he now had proof that he could do it.

Slowly, he moved to sit up, but froze when he felt a flicker of energy. For the briefest of instances, he prepared himself for another attack, but quickly recognized that signature as the one person who might understand the elation he felt.

"Yo, you look like shit – what happened to you?" Inu's rumbling voice asked as Iruka began laughing. The teacher couldn't help it, he was just so happy he had proven the ANBU member wrong. He did not need his sight as much as he always believed he had.

Kakashi moved to Iruka's side, giving the teacher a hand as Iruka tried to stand up. Putting little weight on his injured leg, the brunet still laughed in a way the jounin had never had the pleasure of hearing before. Finding Iruka's good mood infectious, he smiled despite his racing heart.

Watching the man he now knew he loved fight was the hardest thing he had ever done. Every moment of their battle tore at Kakashi and he itched to interfere, to protect the brunet. He had to all but tie himself down when he realized Iruka had injured his ribs and when he saw the attacker slice into his leg, it nearly killed him to not tear the other man to pieces.

He never thought it would hurt so much to be helpless, but powerless was what he was. He had to let Iruka make mistakes; he had to learn for himself in the way shinobi learned best – through necessity. The broad grin across Iruka's face was worth every heart-wrenching moment of the fight.

"Here," Kakashi said softly as he placed Iruka's hitai-ate into his hands, knowing that the brunet wouldn't refuse it. Not with that proud, beaming smile on his face. He had learned that he could fight without his eyes. Fighting for his life, Iruka was not burdened by negative thoughts – subconsciously deciding that it was impossible no matter how hard he tried – but instead did everything he could to save his own life.

"Thank you," Iruka replied as he held onto his forehead protector, his fingers tracing the familiar leaf symbol as though he was reuniting with a long lost friend. "For everything," he added as he let out a soft chuckle. Even a blind man could tell that Inu was standing on only one leg, much like he was. It took no stretch of the imagination for him to know that his bodyguard had done far more than just return his hitai-ate to him.

"I was just holding onto it for you." Kakashi took a few deep breaths, wondering why his charge had that knowing expression on his sweaty and dirt-covered face. Iruka couldn't possibly have figured it out.

"Your leg is going to be sore for a while, baka," Iruka said with sigh that told his bodyguard that he was far more perceptive than the older man gave him credit for. "At least you gain your clone's experience of the fight too." Though not broken like his clone's knee, the ANBU member's leg was going to be bruised for some time unless healed by a medic.

"When did you figure it out?" Kakashi asked, curious if Iruka had sensed his chakra in the nearby tree, though it was completely cloaked. Iruka's senses were beyond the human definition of sensitive, so there may have been some kind of lingering chakra for him to pick up on that no one else could. Or had his clone's altered energy still been too close to his own?

"I had a feeling from the beginning," Iruka replied, his face reddening not from exertion, but embarrassment. He had known that heart, its strong, even rhythm. He had recognized the fluid movements of a powerful warrior. But he had known for certain when he had captured his attacker's hand for those few seconds. There was no way he could have missed their familiar curves and lines, the delicate digits of a pianist, and the strength of an elite shinobi. What other pair of hands could make his own heart race as he remembered their touch on his skin?

Despite knowing those were the hands of his bodyguard, Iruka's body was still tricked by that one moment that he had thought it was his would-be assassin coming back to finish the job. He had fought for his life, not registering that it was his bodyguard – or, as Iruka found out, a perfectly sculpted and then altered clone – who was attacking him.

"I'm sorry. I told him to not hurt you too much – but my clones like to interpret things differently than me," Kakashi replied softly as he studied the teacher's bleeding leg. He had expressly told the clone to not draw blood other than minor scratches, but apparently he had given his double his need for retribution along with his stubbornness. A sliced calf for a broken knee, his clone had thought it a fair trade in order to teach Iruka a hard-learned lesson about himself and his abilities.

He should have listened to Naruto when the brat taught him the kage bunshin no jutsu. He said that the clones had a mind of their own, but Kakashi thought that just meant that they thought the same as their creator in order to adapt to their current situation. Apparently not.

"It's not as deep as it looks – and it was worth it," Iruka replied with a smile, twisting his leg so that his bodyguard could see that the bleeding had already begun to slow. "How did you know?" he finally asked as he released Inu's arm in order to tie his hitai-ate back around his head. Once back in its rightful place, his forehead no longer felt uncomfortably exposed.

"Know what?" Kakashi played dumb, unsure how much he was ready to tell Iruka that the teacher would not be the only handicapped shinobi to keep his title. Could he tell Iruka about his own painful loss, how he had spent most of his life with only one functioning eye? Could he even form the words that he had never spoken before?

"That I could fight without my eyes. You have been so supportive all this time, trying to teach me that vision isn't necessary. You knew that I had to really be threatened in order to tap into every sense I have left so that I would survive. How?" Iruka asked pointedly, his thoughts racing through his head at a blinding speed.

Inu had always said fighting without his eyes was possible. He was so sympathetic of how difficult Iruka's life was without his vision. He did everything to make Iruka's life easier, but did nothing that the teacher would not have eventually done himself. He never moved furniture; he put everything back in the places Iruka memorized them to be in. He organized everything logically. He did so much that made the change in lifestyle so much less awkward and painful, but never pricked at Iruka's pride or independence.

It was as though he knew exactly what Iruka was going through.

Iruka found himself stifling a gasp with a hand as he finally understood. Taking an unconscious step backwards, Iruka shook his head in disbelief. But there was only one thing that made sense in explaining Inu's sensitivity to Iruka's position, his unease concerning the left side of his face, and even his stubbornness in telling Iruka that being a blind shinobi was possible. He faced the ANBU member, his entire face contorting in pain for the elite shinobi. Inu's sensitivity concerning that single scar on the left side of his face now was painfully understandable.

"Y-you're…you're like me," Iruka whispered, his voice muffled by his shaking hand. It all made sense now. Everything – he did not know why he hadn't seen it before. But, with that same thought, he knew why he had never pieced it together before now. He had always thought Inu knew someone who was blind for the sole reason he thought it was impossible to be a shinobi without your sight. Knowing that that was not true, everything clicked together like a jigsaw he had been trying to do, but did not know what the picture was supposed to be until now.

Kakashi did not speak. He couldn't have even if he tried. The old fear of being discovered clenched at his throat, threatening to suffocate him. He did not want anyone knowing, not Tsunade, not his friends, not his old students. As he watched Iruka's expression shift from pain to something akin to happiness, that tightness slowly lost his hold. Iruka did not show an instant of pity, like anyone else would have. No, instead, he was overjoyed that he was no longer the only shinobi fighting the odds. Because of that understanding, the jounin had the strength to tell his own story, knowing that it would help Iruka almost as much as his fight with Kakashi's clone had.

"I-I was thirteen," Kakashi finally admitted as he brought a hand up to the left side of his face, knowing full well Iruka would be able to figure out his movements. Despite the porcelain mask covering his features, his own hand sent sharp pains down his face as he recalled the fateful day that robbed him of half his sight. The physical pain of the blade was nothing compared to coming to only to find that he could not see out of one eye. Then, there was the emotional agony of slowly losing that sight for a second time as Obito's eye slowly dimmed to the nothingness he now knew.

"My teammate told me that had it been a hair deeper, I would have died," he whispered, recalling Rin's tearful diagnosis. Even Minato had been shaken at how close Kakashi had come to dying. No one was as shocked as the cocky, newly-made jounin himself. Kakashi had thought himself above such stupid mistakes; his hubris had cost him his eye and the life of his best friend.

"So you had to relearn everything, all by yourself?" Iruka asked as he brought a hand up to touch the back of his bodyguard's. He did not have to hear the specific details. He could imagine Inu as a teenager – orphaned, partially blind, and just as stubborn as he was today. He confided in no one out of fear. He retrained himself to keep his title; he learned how to hide his handicap, to judge the world around him differently. In that moment, Iruka understood what Inu said when they first met. He had boasted he had better senses than an Inuzuka. Only now did Iruka believe him. With only one eye, it was no wonder the rest of his senses had to be heightened to make up for his handicap. Though not as honed as Iruka's own senses, Inu's must still be beyond any normal human's.

"I had to – there was no one else," Kakashi admitted as he pulled his hand away from his face so that he could study the teacher as Iruka lost himself in thought. After a moment, Iruka tilted his head back up as though he was looking at the jounin. Used to his eerily normal mannerisms for a blind man, Kakashi simply waited for the chuunin to speak as he unconsciously pressed his masked face and hand against Iruka's gentle touch.

"Thank you for trusting me," Iruka said as he brushed his thumb against the plated glove he recognized so well. He did not have to hear the admission from Inu's mouth. He understood that he was the only person to ever be told about the ANBU member's handicap. To be trusted with that kind of information – that experience, that pain and loss – it meant far more to Iruka than his bodyguard could ever imagine. Knowing just how much it had taken for Inu to open up to him, Iruka found his eyes filling with unshed tears. He was easily overcome with emotion, not only from Inu opening up to him, but also from relief in discovering he could still remain a shinobi. To hide his watery eyes, he buried his head against his bodyguard's muscular chest, his arms instinctively wrapping around the older man's powerful neck. Inu hesitated for a moment, but then his arms encircled Iruka's smaller frame.

With his heightened senses, Iruka could feel Inu's strength and energy pulsing through him. Surrounded by the ANBU member's muscular body, a feeling of security washed over Iruka. Inu was far more than a bodyguard to him. He was a friend who pushed him past his own limitations and fears and, for that, Iruka hugged him tightly. He could all but taste and smell the man's racing emotions. He could tell just how difficult it was for his bodyguard to watch his fight, to remain on the sidelines as he learned for himself that he could relearn how to fight without his vision. Inu's heart still raced, his body still trembled slightly. Forgetting for a moment that Inu was not another close friend accustomed to his physical displays of affection, Iruka brushed his lips against his bodyguard's neck. Though his lips touched the thin material of the man's uniform, Iruka could feel Inu's strong pulse beneath his kiss.

Kakashi froze the instant Iruka kissed him. The teacher had hugged him before, but other than the night Iruka had learned about his permanent blindness, Iruka had never kissed him. A part of him desperately wanted to tilt the teacher's head up and kiss him until he was breathless. He wanted to show him a fraction of the love he felt for him. He would have, but he could not bring himself to break the sweetness of Iruka's compassionate kiss on his neck. Right now, he would give all the hot and sweaty moments he dreamed of just to stay in Iruka's arms like this.

But moments like that could not last forever. The jounin's sore leg buckled underneath him when Iruka leaned forward, putting all of his weight on his unsuspecting bodyguard. Only his fast reflexes kept Kakashi from falling to the ground and, as he hobbled backwards, hissing in pain, he discovered why Iruka's embrace had changed. Iruka had been overtaxed, not only physically, but emotionally. Then there was the pain and blood loss due to his fight with Kakashi's clone. It was no wonder Iruka had finally slipped into unconsciousness.

Tightening his arms around the teacher, Kakashi tried to hold up the passed out brunet. Somehow balancing the teacher's dead weight in his arms, Kakashi took a selfish moment to study Iruka's relaxed features. Unable to pass up his opportunity, Kakashi brushed his masked lips against the scars around Iruka's eyes, which were such a startling contrast to his dark skin. He had been so close to losing Iruka once; he was not going to ever let that happen again. He would teach Iruka how to fight again, even if it meant using his own dark past as a guide. He would dig through those years to find a way to help Iruka rediscover himself. As he watched Iruka sleep, his love for the proud, strong, stubborn, and impossibly understanding brunet increased exponentially.

XXX

Authoress: YOSH! Go Kakashi! Finally starting to open up – of course, doing so in a moment of verbal vomit as you pour your heart out (in a few, concise words), but it's a start! And I would like to thank DragonFlowers-chan for beta-ing this chapter! She does such amazing work, somehow putting up with me and my strange writing schedule...and then being so understanding with my computer issues! So, thank you for everything, Dragon-chan! And, everyone, please review so I get my butt into action and make up for my horrible attempts to update until now! Until next time, ja ne!


	8. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

Iruka found himself laughing at his bodyguard. Inu was mumbling horribly rude things under his breath and most of them were in reference to a certain "evil teacher." Said demon-spawn snorted as he bumped his shoulder against the taller man, throwing him off balance and, thus, forcing Inu to stop his grumbling.

"You did your best," Iruka said with the most serious tone he could muster, but couldn't hold up the façade for long. Dissolving into another fit of laughter, he reveled in the knowledge that he had finally gotten that damn bell from his bodyguard. He had thought his idea was ingenious – Inu thought it was underhanded and was still griping about it, even though they were already halfway back to the apartment.

Kakashi glared at his evil charge through the narrowed slits of his mask. Iruka had no idea what kind of hell he put him through! He had never actually believed the teacher would have gotten a bell. After over a decade of training with Naruto and Sasuke, neither young man had yet to succeed in divesting him of one of the metal balls. And they were two of the most talented warriors in the shinobi world!

But he forgot that Iruka was a trickster in his childhood. That oversight cost him the bell that now hung proudly around Iruka's neck, jingling a happy little tune that made Kakashi glare all the more.

Iruka snickered, recalling his strategy. It involved borrowing Naruto's Sexy no Jutsu. The brunet thought that Inu deserved it for all the times he teased him for not getting the bell. Maybe it was a little mean, however, to modify the jutsu because he knew Inu to be gay.

Having never performed the modified version before, Iruka had no idea exactly what it was that Inu saw, but whatever it was, it sent the ANBU member into something of a "fit." He could only imagine that, underneath his dog-shaped mask, Inu's nose was still stuffed with tissues. Cackling, the teacher flicked the bell around his neck, just to remind his bodyguard that he had finally won.

Kakashi wished he had not had his Sharingan open at the exact moment the smoke had cleared, but he couldn't help himself. Out of surprise, Obito's eye took on a mind of its own and copied the image unfolding before him. Now, for the rest of his life, he would have a perfect replica of a naked Iruka, posing in a way that could only be called suggestive, and having the most seductive expression on his face. Instead of altering his body, like Naruto's original jutsu, Iruka had found the fastest way to divest himself of all his clothes and give his poor, unsuspecting bodyguard heart palpitations and an erection that could have been used as a weapon.

Sneaky bastard. But damn if he didn't love him all the more for it.

Finally, Kakashi's bruised pride started feeling a little better as he watched Iruka grin from ear to ear. If it meant his ego took a little beating, it was worth it to get one of those smiles from Iruka. Since defeating Kakashi's clone, their sparring practices had improved exponentially. Though they were still a little awkward at times as he tripped over uneven ground or fell into something, Iruka's attacks no longer missed him as frequently as they used to. No, if the ache in the jounin's battered torso was any indicator, the teacher was getting more and more proficient with using his four remaining senses to hold his own against an elite shinobi.

Kakashi quickly turned his gaze away from his charge, realizing he had been staring, and he felt his face warm. Though he knew no one could see his features, it did not stop the wave of shyness that hit him. Falling silent once again, the jounin took quick glances, studying the proud brunet with admiration.

Every inch the shinobi, Iruka exuded a confidence Kakashi was a little envious of. His body was well-honed, his step light. And, with each movement, the teacher radiated pleasure in his own accomplishments. Unable to help himself, Kakashi studied his charge. Three months of blindness had changed Iruka in ways only people close to him would notice. His body had far more definition, showing that he now trained more than he used to while pulling double shifts at the academy and Missions Office. His movements showed that he was more aware of his body, of his balance, and his immediate surroundings. But perhaps the biggest change that one could see with a single glance was the teacher's face.

In the past few weeks, he had grown accustomed to Iruka's scars, which the teacher now rarely covered up, but that was not what Kakashi's attentions focused on. No, it was the expression on his face. It was obvious that Iruka had lost some of that naivety that he was so well-known for. In its place was an understanding of the world around him that revealed he had come to terms with who and what he was. No longer did Iruka complain about his lack of sight – he instead used it to his advantage in every way possible.

Iruka had to bite back a chuckle when he felt his bodyguard watching him through what would have normally been considered subtle looks. The brunet doubted if any other person would have noticed how Inu's eyes kept passing over him, but he was so in tune with the man next to him that Inu might have well just kept his eyes glued to Iruka for how obvious he was being.

The brunet couldn't help but find Inu's timid actions kind of cute, but at the same time, he wondered why he felt as though those glances were certainly not ones a bodyguard should be giving his charge.

"Maa…you did well today," Kakashi reluctantly admitted, never having been comfortable with giving compliments. Even his old students called him stingy with his praises, though he had always tried to show how impressed he was with their skills.

"Thank you." Iruka's eyes widened in amazement, not accustomed to the gruff admiration in Inu's voice. Despite knowing he probably deserved the praise, he still felt a blush come to his face. As unused as his bodyguard was to giving compliments, Iruka was just as uncomfortable receiving them. Call him modest if you will, but Iruka never grew used to such kind words. His parents were taken from him far too early and he had been rebellious for so many years that he did not get the approval other children received every day.

As the two shinobi made their way through the village, Kakashi continued to watch his charge and Iruka could only guess what was going through his bodyguard's mind. The brunet couldn't ignore the feelings those furtive glances resulted in – the butterflies in his stomach that refused to go away.

He couldn't help but notice how Inu's strong hand brushed against his and how much he liked the feel of those long digits against his own.

XXX

Iruka sighed as he ran his fingers along the rim of his coffee mug. He could feel the steam rising up, weaving between his fingers. The tips of his fingers, however, nearly burned as he touched the hot porcelain for another moment. This little ritual had become the norm for him so that he could determine if his coffee was the right temperature. Lifting his mug of coffee to his lips, Iruka reveled in the scalding heat before taking a sip. His toes very nearly curled in pleasure as he tasted the nutty flavor of his black coffee.

What better way to spend a lazy day than to be curled up on the couch with a cup of coffee and beautiful background music?

Focusing his attention on his bodyguard, Iruka listened to the notes until he recognized the melody. It was a piece Inu played quite often, but never told Iruka the name of. Having gotten to know Inu well enough, Iruka knew better than to press. His bodyguard's tight-lipped behavior towards this song told him that it was something his mother must have written or played often. Smiling sadly, Iruka wished he could have a similar link to his parents, but the only thing he had left to remember them by had been his teaching. It was more than a job, but it was not until Iruka thought he was going to lose his hitai-ate that he realized just how important teaching was and how much he had to thank his bodyguard for.

The Elders and the Hokage finally agreed to discuss the possibility of Iruka returning to the academy as soon as his attacker was found and dealt with. Iruka did not ask Inu and his bodyguard did not say anything, but the brunet knew that the older man had something to do with that. More than likely, Inu had called in favors and pulled strings while Iruka was asleep for such a wonderful thing to happen. How else could Iruka have the chance to prove blindness was not a reason to lose his hitai-ate?

When he had been informed about the meeting over his ability to teach, Iruka had once again lost control over his emotions and found himself kissing his bodyguard's cheek until he felt Inu's violent blush against his lips. But how else could he thank the man who was giving him his life back? Both of his parents loved teaching at the academy, so it was no wonder he had fallen in love with the profession as well. In a way, it was the best way to honor their memory, and for Inu to help him continue that, Iruka could not thank him enough.

Now all that he needed was the capture of his would-be assassin.

Closing his eyes, Iruka ran back through the past three months, but could not recall a single event that even hinted that his attacker was going to come back and finish the job. Maybe Tsunade was right in saying that the attack might have been meant for her. That highly-likely possibility, however, was not enough for her to dismiss Inu - and Iruka was infinitely thankful for that. He did not want to think about how much his life would change once Inu was no longer a part of it. He would no longer be woken up by slobbery kisses from a pack of dogs who protected him while he and Inu slept. No longer would he have someone to talk to, to train with, or even to simply sit with and listen to. He would lose this comfortable atmosphere that he was already all too accustomed to.

That was what he was going to miss most of all - just sitting with Inu and doing nothing more than relaxing. It did not matter if Inu was practicing his piano, reading out loud, or just watching Iruka while the brunet daydreamed. Iruka was content to just be in Inu's presence. Having never had this kind of comfortable relationship with someone, Iruka found it addictive. Even Naruto would have lost his mind after a few hours of relaxing, bouncing around energetically until Iruka agreed to go do something. What he did not appreciate was the beauty of not having to fill every waking moment with words or actions.

Leaning forwards, Iruka gently ran his fingers along the polished wood coffee table until he felt the round coaster he demanded Inu use. After having spent hours sanding, staining, and polishing that table on rainy days, he was not about to let his bodyguard ruin it again. Had it not been for Inu's laughter over his obsessiveness, Iruka would have felt strange making rules for the ANBU member's apartment. But Iruka could not imagine what it would be like for Inu to argue with him. It was just not part of the man's character. If nothing else, Inu seemed to enjoy making him happy, no matter how nit-picky his demands were.

Slowly, Iruka placed his half-full cup of coffee on the coaster. Once he assured himself that the cup was not going to tip over and spill its hot contents everywhere, Iruka stood up and followed the music to its source. As he approached his bodyguard from behind, he could hear the music falter for a moment, telling him that Inu was aware of his movement. The music did not stop, however, until the final bars. Since his hearing returned, Iruka came to realize that Inu was obsessive in his own ways as well. If playing a piece, little would make him stop in the middle of a movement.

As the last powerful chord faded away, Iruka brought a hand up to touch his bodyguard's shoulder.

"Don't tell me you finished your coffee already," Inu said jokingly as Iruka felt that muscular shoulder shift underneath his touch. Knowing Inu must have turned to look at him, Iruka found himself shaking his head. His bodyguard was why his addiction to coffee had gotten even worse in the past few months. Inu did not drink coffee, so Iruka found himself drinking entire pots, easily drinking twice as much as before losing his vision. Coffee, along with just about everything else that passed his lips, tasted so much better with his heightened senses so much so that Iruka indulged his taste buds every chance he got. If it was not for his and Inu's hours of training, he would have become a butterball by now. Instead, he was fitter than ever, but with an appetite that made his bodyguard snicker.

"Bored?" Kakashi guessed as he watched his charge space out. It was not part of their routine to be cooped up indoors, but it had been raining for the past three days straight. Even if he personally had the urge to train, he would not take Iruka out in this weather. Not only would the ground be slippery, but Iruka's heightened sense of hearing would probably be unable to pick much up with the patter of rain and thunder. Kakashi would have summoned Pakkun or Bull to entertain Iruka, but the ninken were busy today. He had already run through his entire collection of Icha Icha novels, so there was little to read until the next one came out in a few days.

Not for the first time, Kakashi had the desire to try teaching Iruka how to play the piano. Despite Iruka's adamant professions of being incapable of learning, Kakashi knew Iruka enjoyed listening and, more than once, caught a glimpse of the teacher's fingers moving in-time with the notes. Recalling the first few months of teaching himself how to play, Kakashi knew that it took time to learn even the basics. Iruka just needed time and practice, just like with anything else. Unable to help himself, Kakashi all but pulled his charge down onto the bench next to him. Iruka squeaked at the quick movement, but then fell silent.

Inu had tried teaching him before, but he had always hovered over Iruka's shoulder as Iruka touched the cool keys. This time, however, the ANBU member was much closer. Blushing furiously, Iruka could not pull his attention away from the muscular thigh touching his own. Inu's entire side was intimately pressing against his own frame. How was he even supposed to listen to Inu's words when his pulse was pounding in his ears, when Inu's warm body next to his made him tremble?

Kakashi found Iruka's blush absolutely adorable. Unable to help himself, he grinned. Gently, he took one of Iruka's fists from the teacher's lap and, loosening the brunet's clenched fingers, began placing them on the keys. It was a simple chord, but it was anything but easy as Kakashi ran his fingertips along Iruka's hand, trying to show the teacher how to hold his fingers and wrist. As he pressed Iruka's fingers down, releasing a perfect major chord from the piano, Kakashi watched as Iruka's eyes widened slightly.

It was amazing how hard people thought it was to play an instrument. All it took was dedication and passion, both of which Iruka had in excess if he was willing to relax just a little bit. Finally, as the chord faded, Iruka's fingers lost some of their rigidity, allowing Kakashi to reposition them into the next chord. This time, however, he let go and waited until Iruka pressed his fingers down. Both pairs of ears were met with a staccato note as Iruka's fingers jerked back in surprise at the loud noise.

Kakashi sat back as he watched Iruka hesitantly alter between the two chords, pressing the keys down so gently, the jounin was barely able to hear the sound, but from the look on Iruka's face, the brunet was able to hear it just fine. A smile crept onto his face as he watched Iruka experiment with the keys, discovering for himself the sound of each key in the middle octave. As Iruka hit a particularly discordant chord that made both men cringe, Kakashi took over again, gently moving Iruka's fingers to play the melody of the piece he had been playing a short while ago.

Glancing up at the sheet music, Kakashi smiled as his eyes drifted over his mother's handwriting. He doubted she thought her music would be used as a means to teach the man he loved how to play the piano. He knew that she would not have minded - if anything, she probably would have been happy that her music was being put to good use for once and that someone else besides her secretive son was able to hear her favorite piece.

Iruka followed Inu's unspoken direction, repeating the notes over and over until he was certain he felt confident in judging which key was responsible for which sound. Having heard Inu play this piece so many times, he found himself humming the notes under his breath to make sure his playing matched up with the sounds he was so accustomed to. After several repetitions, Inu's fingers took his again and moved them to different keys, silently showing him how to play the next bar.

Iruka bit his lower lip to stop himself from gasping as Inu's fingers brushed along his knuckles. Those touches, ones not meant to be seductive, were perhaps the most arousing things Iruka had ever felt. Trying to harden himself against Inu's searing touch, Iruka found it impossible to keep himself from jerking back as Inu's fingers grazed the sensitive skin along the inside of his wrist. How had he survived over a month of those gentle touches and warm fingertips against his flesh? Never before was he so thankful for his hearing back. He would have melted into a pool of desire if Inu still had to talk to him through characters on his palm.

Hell, he would have probably begged the ANBU member to do whatever he wanted with him if Inu had to still write on him in order to hold a conversation. Just the thought of what that might entail made Iruka's entire body feel all too warm.

Kakashi eyed his charge, wondering what could possibly be going through Iruka's head for him to blush from head to toe so vibrantly. He brought a finger up to his charge's back and, as gently as he could, began writing. _Are you feeling alright, Iruka? _Even before his first characters were completed, Kakashi heard the brunet whimper as his back arched, pressing against the jounin's fingers. It did not take his perverse mind more than a moment to realize what was making Iruka behave so strangely.

Recalling just how sensitive Iruka's sense of touch was, Kakashi flushed and quickly pulled his hands away from his blind charge. It had not been his intent to arouse his charge, even though every fiber of his being was screaming for him to continue teasing Iruka's senses. The only thing holding him back was his damn sense of honor and logic. He had only meant to teach him a few bars of the piece he had just been playing.

All but burying his hands between his legs to keep himself from touching Iruka's body to discover the brunet's most sensitive spots, Kakashi did his best to busy his mind with anything other than thoughts of Iruka. But with Iruka's warm body pressed against his own, he failed miserably at directing his thoughts away from his charge. He knew it would only take a few touches to bring Iruka to his knees. A few kisses and the brunet would be begging him for more. Having discovered for himself just how sensitive blindfolded lovers were, he could only imagine permanent blindness would increase the sensations of sex a thousandfold, if not more.

Damn, the sex would be amazing if only Kakashi had the courage to go against everything he believed in. But Iruka was his responsibility. He was entrusted with more than Iruka's physical well being. He had to protect Iruka mentally and emotionally, not only from the village and Iruka's attacker, but from himself. He knew Iruka well enough now to know that the brunet did not have casual sex - not that Kakashi would ever be able to let the brunet go once he made love to him. No, he would do anything to keep Iruka by his side if he was ever that lucky. Yet he knew better than to act on his feelings for Iruka. Emotionally, Iruka was not ready for a relationship any deeper than what they had right now.

Before his desire took over and he did something they both would regret, Kakashi slid off the bench and started towards the bathroom. He had already become all too accustomed to cold showers since Iruka moved in with him. Before he made it out of the living room, however, Iruka spoke.

"Thank you, Inu," Iruka whispered as his fingers ghosted over the keys of the piano. The tips of his fingers could still pick up the heat of Inu's own hands on the ebony and ivory, but without Inu right next to him, the brunet's entire body felt colder. He knew just how difficult it was for his bodyguard to walk away - having kissed Inu once, he knew the kind of passion the ANBU member kept locked away. He had heard the increase of his heartbeat, felt the slight tremble to his fingers - he could all but taste Inu's desire.

His own body shivered, knowing that that need was entirely directed at him. Inu felt far more for him than he let on. The occasional brush of their hands, the infrequent hugs, the gentle touches - those were nothing compared to what Inu would do if their situation was different. Iruka had the feeling that if his life was not in danger, he might have found someone he may be willing to spend a lifetime with. Blushing at that thought, Iruka kept his face turned away from his bodyguard, knowing that Inu would be able to read his features as though Iruka came right out and told him.

He could not call it love - not by a long shot. He had loved Mizuki, but this was different. He did not hold his tongue around Inu, afraid he might anger him somehow. He did not pretend to enjoy being in his company because he did not want to deal with another fight. He did not wonder why Inu kept things from him; he did not have the sinking feeling he was being lied to constantly. In so many ways, his time spent with his bodyguard was the complete opposite of what he had experienced with his lover. Iruka did not want to admit it, but deep in his heart, he knew the worst day spent with Inu was a thousand times better than his best day with Mizuki. Perhaps, if given the chance, he could find that happy relationship so many of his friends had discovered. But, though it might be selfish, Iruka needed something before he could think of the possibility of love. He would need Inu's complete trust. That meant one thing: he would have to hear Inu's name from the ANBU member's own lips.

Kakashi watched as Iruka busied himself with the piano, playing those few bars over and over. With each time, his fingers became more secure, releasing clear notes that made Kakashi's stomach tighten. The rhythm may be off slightly, but even his perfect performance of the piece could not compare to Iruka's. Those notes were filled with an emotion Kakashi could not place. Had he ever heard his mother play the piece, he knew her interpretation of the music would be just as moving as Iruka's. Kakashi's natural eye ghosted over the top of the sheet music, close enough to read the delicately written title. If he was a braver man, he would have told Iruka the title the first and only time his charge asked him about it. But, revered shinobi he may be, he was still terrified of Iruka hating him for who he was. His functional eye stared at those words as he listened to Iruka playing the only piece of music his mother named after him.

_For Kakashi, with Love._

XXX

Iruka rested his forehead against the window pane, his head almost immediately beginning to hurt from the cold temperature of the glass against his warm skin. His concentration had drifted from his bodyguard's deep, seductive words some time ago. Considering the fact Inu was still reading aloud from the newly released _Icha Icha Passion, _the ANBU member had yet to realize he was no longer paying attention.

Instead of listening to Inu's voice, Iruka was focusing on the downright frigid temperature of the window. It had been cold outside, which had caused Inu to demand they cut that afternoon's practice short. Since then, the brunet had been cooped up in the house with little other to do than listen to his bodyguard read and replay their sparring matches. Every once in a while, he shifted and was rewarded with a soft jingle, reminding him of his victory from a few weeks ago.

Most days, he and the ANBU member were in hysterics over the horrendous prose in the _Icha Icha _series for hours. Other days, he simply sat and listened to Inu play the piano. He could fully appreciate the beautiful music, perhaps better than a normal person because of his excellent hearing, but knew he could never replicate the sounds that would at times reveal the raw emotions his bodyguard otherwise kept tightly locked away. After that one day Inu began teaching him, Iruka tinkered with the piano, but his bodyguard never again held his fingers, touching him in far more ways than physical. Never again did Inu sit next to him, their bodies pressed against one another as Iruka tried to control the sensations running through him. Instead, they kept a distance between them, not speaking about that afternoon other than Inu's few comments on how Iruka was learning the piano faster than he had.

Since that illuminating day weeks ago when Iruka found out about his bodyguard's handicap, Inu had begun opening up to the brunet more and more. He now knew his bodyguard was far more than the fiercely loyal and powerful shinobi everyone must see him as. He also knew the man who read romance novels to laugh at their horribly-written plots and recycled phrases. The brunet had gotten to know the toddler who taught himself the piano at three years old so that he could know his mother through sheets of handwritten music. He was familiar with the little boy who lost his father in a traumatic event that, even three decades later, he could not bring himself to discuss. Only recently, Iruka had begun to recognize the teenager who lost, not only one of his eyes, but his entire team and his genin teacher in a relatively short period of time. He was even introduced to the determined young man who became an ANBU captain and fought for years amongst their ranks. Despite their closeness, however, Inu did not speak about much of his teenage years and his early twenties. Iruka understood that it was a far too painful and difficult thing for the shinobi to discuss and did not push him to reveal more than he was ready to.

Even considering the few things the older man refused to discuss, Iruka had the feeling he knew Inu better than anyone else alive.

In return, Iruka spoke of losing his own family. He replayed those first few lonely months until he began babysitting Naruto as a favor to the Third. He had fallen hopelessly in love with that baby, with his large, blue eyes and that smile that could warm anyone's heart. At just twelve years old, Iruka had taken Naruto in as his own brother and raised that little toddler with all the love and affection that he had. He had told Inu how, because of his unprecedented adoption of Naruto, he was never given any missions outside of Konoha that lasted more than two or three days. His genin team at times hated him for it – for limiting them. But there were times when they returned home from a quick, yet exhausting mission, that they understood his love for that baby. Always, their Hokage was waiting for them at the gates with that little ball of energy. It was then Naruto would fly from the Third's side into Iruka's outstretched arms, squealing in happiness that his brother was home. It did not matter if Iruka was gone for a few hours or a few days – Naruto peppered his face in kisses and told him about everything he and the Hokage had been up to while Iruka was away. It was then his team understood why he refused to take more challenging missions.

His sensei always smiled at Naruto's antics, and Anko simply snorted before ruffling the blonde's hair. Mizuki was the only one who did not feel the same kind of warmth towards the little boy. Looking back at it now, Iruka wished he had realized Mizuki's hatred of Naruto years before his betrayal. Had he known earlier, could he have done something to stop his lover?

Iruka had even told Inu a little bit about Mizuki. He had explained that, as teammates and old school rivals, they were much like Naruto and Sasuke. And, like those two young men, their constant competition and, at times, painful barbs had quickly led to something more. Unlike his brother and Sasuke, however, he and Mizuki had realized their romantic feelings for one another much earlier and had acted on it. Perhaps they should have waited until they were older to become lovers, but they had been fueled by the knowledge that life was short and unpredictable and the hormonal lust that came with being a teenager.

For ten years, Iruka had fancied the idea that he and Mizuki would be together for the rest of their lives. Even as he felt that blade slice into his back, a part of him heatedly denied the proof that that picturesque future was impossible.

Of all the things that Iruka told Inu, he could not bring himself to describe the emotional pain of having his life turned upside down because of Mizuki's betrayal. How could the ANBU member understand the heart-wrenching loneliness of coming home every day to an empty bed where there had always been a warm and loving partner for a decade? Could Inu imagine what it was like having to give over everything of Mizuki's to the ANBU teams that tore apart his home in search of anything that might hint as to where the traitor was hiding? Every picture, every letter – they had shredded his love life to bits, demanding information that Iruka did not have.

In that dark time, Iruka came to realize he didn't know Mizuki at all.

If he had known where Mizuki had fled to, Iruka was not sure if he would have killed the man himself or begged him for an explanation. Would he be able to ask Mizuki if he ever loved him or if, all that time, he was just using Iruka? Could he possibly ask himself if his love for his traitorous companion was truly _love_ and not lust, hormones, and familiarity? Could it be possible that Iruka clung to his partner so tightly because he did not want anything to change?

No, of all the painful and emotional things he told the elite shinobi, that uncertainty was the one thing he still kept deeply hidden away in his heart. He did not know how to tell Inu that, having now experienced something far more wonderful than what he had with Mizuki, he was starting to realize that he had never been in love before. Whatever he had felt for Mizuki, it was not this budding warmth in his chest. It was not the awareness he felt every waking moment. It was not this skip in his heartbeat. It might not be love yet, but he felt more for a man whose name he did not even know than a man he had been prepared to spend his entire life with.

Kakashi's voice fell silent when he happened to glance over at Iruka. The teacher's silence was not all that uncommon, but the expression on his face was one that chilled the jounin's blood. Undeniable pain stretched across the brunet's scarred features. His mouth, customarily quirked up in a smirk, was pulled into a thin line that betrayed his attempts to stop himself from sobbing. But, no matter how tense his face became, it could not stop the tears from leaking out of useless eyes.

"Iruka…" Kakashi whispered, instantly putting down his book as he studied the brunet's face for any indication as to what was wrong. But there was none. It could not have been his words – he was just reading about how the two love-struck protagonists finally found each other after being separated for fifteen years. One had been imprisoned and sold as a slave, whereas his lover had been forced into a loveless marriage so that no one outside of his disgusted family knew of his desire for his own gender. They were not tears of joy, which Kakashi might have expected from the sentimental teacher. No, Iruka was certainly not crying because of the moving story.

Once again, Iruka was in pain and Kakashi did not know what to do to help him. He desperately wanted to go hold the teacher and tell him everything was going to be okay – but Kakashi was not one for fabrications. He could not tell Iruka something that he himself was not sure of. He had quickly come to learn that he was incapable of lying to the brunet, no matter how much the truth hurt. Instead of lies, he used omission when he felt uncomfortable with a topic. He did not lie about his Sharingan – he just did not tell Iruka that, after losing his eye, he had been given one of the Uchiha's famed eyes. He did not speak falsehoods when telling Iruka about his teams – he just never told him their names. He had said more than once that he admired Naruto as a shinobi and as their future Hokage, but not that he had seen that inner core of strength and fierce loyalty so many times because he had taught the boy.

"I-I think I want to go on a walk," Iruka said weakly as he moved to get off his perch on the windowsill. Kakashi watched him move to the front door with a grace and ease that the Copy Ninja had yet to master, even in all of his years as a partially blind shinobi. Quashing any twinge of envy he felt, he replaced it with pride.

Iruka had become far more confident after fighting with Kakashi's clone. He no longer second-guessed himself or the instincts that directed him. Instead, he moved with the confidence of a well-trained shinobi as he slipped on his shoes and walked out of the house. Kakashi followed behind his charge because of his duty and desire to protect the younger man, but kept his distance, knowing that Iruka needed some time alone.

As it was, Kakashi barely had time to throw on his boots and a cloak before racing out of the apartment and in the direction his headstrong charge had begun running in.

XXX

It hurt – the budding realization that he may not have loved Mizuki as much as he always believed. Love was not supposed to be as simple as it was in romance novels, but it was not something that should be a chore. He should not have had to be afraid of Mizuki's reaction to his words or actions. He shouldn't have to beg for a kind word or gentle touch. He shouldn't feel ill by the memory of being with Mizuki. If he was truly loved, he should be able to come up with a single memory that did not make him cringe in remembrance.

As he ran, the brunet realized that he had fallen more in love with the idea of love itself than with Mizuki. It was a painful discovery, but not as agonizing as the realization that whatever Mizuki had felt for him was certainly not the love he had professed so adamantly in the months before they became lovers. No, the man who could have thrown him aside so easily in the attempt to gain power certainly did not love him.

Sadly, Iruka had not had that same knowledge when he was thirteen and thought he was in love with the first boy to ever hold his hand or kiss him. Now, however, he knew just how heartless people could be. He knew the selfishness that Mizuki had tried to hide behind sharp remarks, teasing that became increasingly offensive - then it only escalated as they became lovers.

No, love was not supposed to be constantly painful. With that understanding came an acceptance that calmed the teacher down. If Mizuki never truly loved him, then he should feel no betrayal in finally admitting that he could not have loved the man. No, he had just clung to someone who had showed him a twisted form of compassion, who had evoked all kinds of emotions in him, but who had, most of all, been there when Iruka needed someone most.

Because of Mizuki, Iruka knew the value of a true friend. Because of his lover's betrayal, the brunet knew he could never trust people blindly. Above all else, Mizuki had taught him that there was no such thing as the kind of love in fairytales and romance novels. For those lessons, Iruka was thankful – they were facts that he would have learned eventually.

Iruka finally skidded to a stop once his eyes were dry and his uncontrollable sobbing had ended. Taking a few deep breaths, he was met with frigid air that made his nose begin to run and cool his throat. Running, he had not noticed the temperature, but now that he had stopped, it was all too obvious that it was below freezing. Cracking a small smile, Iruka wondered if – had he the ability to see – he could see his own breath. Despite his blindness, he still let out a slow, deep breath like he and Naruto always did when it was cold out.

Recalling that his little brother would be gone for another few weeks, Iruka let out a sigh. He had thought he would be fine with being without Naruto for a few months, spending his time working for Tsunade and at the academy. He thought he could be happy for Naruto in finding love, but he always felt a twinge of envy when he saw how wonderful Naruto's relationship was. Each time he saw the two shinobi together, he wished he had had the chance to feel something like that. He had somehow excused Mizuki's behavior, telling himself there were different kinds of love, but no matter how angry Sasuke got, he never harmed his precious lover.

Iruka felt the cool air against his face, recalling the one time Mizuki had hit him in public. He had merely slipped on the ice and bumped into his already irate lover, who was thrown off-balance into a pile of snow. He had not meant it, but that had not stopped the fist that hit his cheek with a resounding crack. Mizuki did not hit him often, but was violent in far different - and at times more painful - ways. He would make painful jabs at Iruka's scarred face. He would say that Iruka was weak to be content as a chuunin academy teacher. He called him squeamish for disliking taking an enemy's life. He called him a pitiful lover.

But, worst of all, Mizuki said he was a horrible shinobi who did not deserve his hitai-ate.

If Naruto was here, he would know just what to say to erase Iruka's depressing thoughts. He would somehow make Iruka laugh, allowing Iruka to hide away his feelings and fears so that he would not have to face them. But Naruto was not here and would not be back for some time. It would be the first Christmas he and Naruto wouldn't be together for, but Iruka did not hold it against the blonde and his husband. Naruto and Sasuke deserved at least one Christmas alone because it was unlikely they would ever have such a luxury again. Not when Naruto took over as Hokage – those two may have very few chances to be completely alone once they return.

Unable to stop himself, Iruka cracked a small smile as he wondered how Sasuke was going to deal with having a band of ANBU bodyguards sleeping outside his and Naruto's bedroom every night for the rest of their lives. Constant protection was one of the many requirements of a Hokage, but then again, with the head of ANBU sleeping with the Hokage, Iruka doubted Naruto could be any safer.

That thought reminded the brunet that he, too, was never by himself anymore. Inu was always near, but somehow made it so that Iruka could be alone when needed. Even now, he could sense his bodyguard in a tree behind him, facing the direction they came from as to give the brunet his privacy. Oh, the teacher was certain that all of Inu's attention was on him and their surroundings. Given a single indication of an attack, he knew his bodyguard would do anything and everything to protect him, but would leave him alone until then.

Iruka ran his hands along his quickly cooling arms, wishing he had thought to put on a jacket before racing out of the house. With that thought came a swift reprimand. He had dragged Inu out in the cold, and he had no idea if the ANBU member was dressed appropriately or, like himself, was in a t-shirt, a pair of thin pants, and sandals.

About to turn and apologize to his bodyguard for his inconsideration, Iruka froze when he felt something cold touch his completely bare face. Since fighting with Inu's clone, he had forgone any bandages on his face. He refused to hide his sightless eyes and the accompanying scars as though he was ashamed of them. Instead, he displayed them proudly when he and his bodyguard were out in public.

Along that same thought, Iruka had moved his hitai-ate. Now, it was tied to his right arm, where it no longer covered any of the scars Inu had once reluctantly described as being like cute, white freckles.

But Iruka did not wear his hitai-ate at the moment – it, along with his weapons, were back in Inu's apartment. Despite the cold, Iruka cracked a smile as he realized he was becoming lazy and too dependent on his bodyguard to protect him in the case of an attack. A year ago, he would not be caught dead in public without at least one or two blades on him. Now, however, he knew the feeling of complete and total security. He had nothing to fear so long as Inu was around.

Iruka was wrenched from his thought as another flash of cold hit his cheek, disappearing almost as quickly as it came. Tilting his head upwards, the brunet focused on the cool drops that now began landing on him more frequently. Finally, one landed on his lips and Iruka could not stop himself from licking the bit of coldness before it disappeared completely.

Immediately, he let out a slow breath of air as he recognized the precipitation. _Snow._ He felt another few flakes land on his face, melting as soon as they touched his warm skin. He had once loved the snow. He used to enjoy looking out and see the world coated in immaculate white and, as he focused on the air around him, he remembered how much he liked its clean smell and taste, which were only amplified by his loss of vision. Focusing on his feet for the first time since he left the apartment, he shifted and found the crunching sound under his sandals positively addictive.

Unconsciously Iruka stuck out his tongue to taste the delicate flakes in remembrance of his short childhood. He put his hand out, feeling the snow land on his palm and fingers, taking longer to melt in his freezing hand. Despite the cold temperature in his limbs, he had no desire to go indoors and warm back up. Not yet. For just a moment, he wanted his youthful innocence. He wanted to recall a time before Mizuki had ruined even something as simple as snowfall. He did not want to recall how, with a single, powerful hit, Mizuki had broken his nose that one day.

Despite his best attempts to keep his thoughts away from that one event, he still remembered how he was thrown to the snow by the force of his lover's hit. He could imagine the taste of the snow, once pure and cool, quickly melting and taking on a sickening metallic flavor. The sight of the bloodied snow beneath his face even now made his stomach turn. Though he could no longer picture the color of the bloodied snow, he could remember how it had set his stomach roiling all those years ago. He remembered the feel of Mizuki's fingers on the back of his neck, the sound of his lover's angry voice as Mizuki screamed at him for being a clumsy idiot. Oh, how Mizuki mocked him for the tears pricking his blackening eyes. Then there were his gasps for air as he tried to breathe, but even his mouth was filling with blood. It was not until hours later and a trip to the hospital with the pitiful excuse he had fallen and hit his nose against the floor that Iruka discovered he had done more than broken his nose. His cheekbone had been cracked, along with his jaw. In attempts to keep himself from crying out and giving Mizuki a reason to mock him even more, he had bit his tongue and very nearly severed it.

He had made up excuses for all of Mizuki's actions, naively believing his infrequent proclamations of love and apologies for hurting him.

Sensing his bodyguard nearby, Iruka knew that Inu would never let any harm come to him. He had the feeling that, if Inu knew about Mizuki and his abusiveness, there would be nowhere his ex-lover could possibly hide to save himself. Inu was so different from his ex-lover in so many respects, but especially in how he treated Iruka. He was trustworthy, compassionate, and above all else, Inu could never hurt him.

XXX

Kakashi leaned against the tree, wondering when Iruka would either call him down or start back towards the apartment. It was damn cold outside and it had started snowing again a few minutes ago. He did not hate the snow, but now that it was starting to come down heavily, he dreaded the wet, cold trek back to the other side of the village.

Snow meant ice. Ice meant he might slip and fall either on the ground or into something. Kakashi hated being clumsy, even if it was something as normal as falling on ice. He _could_ tell the truth and say he slipped on the ice, just like any average person would have, but he would still feel as though his accident was because of his vision and that his little mistake would reveal to others his handicap. More than anything else, he hated doing something that might hint about his partial blindness. He feared that, with enough of those slip ups, people might figure it out like Tsunade had.

He didn't want anyone to know – except Iruka. Since he told Iruka about his own loss of vision, the teacher had trusted him more, had opened up to him in a way Kakashi hadn't even dared to dream possible. All too quickly, he had grown accustomed to Iruka simply curling up on the couch next to him, resting his head on Kakashi's shoulder, and telling him about his own memories. He calmly talked about how something "Inu" said or did reminded him of a past event or a person. Sometimes, those recollections were painful, but so many more were happy ones. Iruka laughed when he told stories about his trickery as a child and how Naruto had picked up a few of his pranks.

That eraser to the head when he first met his genin team was actually one of Iruka's favorites when he had been a child.

Kakashi couldn't even feel annoyance that it was because of Iruka that he had been bested by a couple of kids. Seeing that smile on the brunet's face erased any harsh emotion and, instead, made him chuckle as the teacher told him about the first time he had done the same exact thing to the Third.

The barest of smirks came to the jounin's face as he recalled all the _good_ memories Iruka had told him. He wished he could have returned the favor, but so many years of his life were so dark and depressing, he never wanted to ruin the teacher's happiness with tales from his own youth. Instead, he always asked Iruka to tell him more about his past. Every once in a while, Kakashi would catch a glimpse of pain, but it was quickly replaced with smiles as he went into another story about his and Naruto's adventures.

Perhaps one day, Iruka would feel comfortable talking about whatever caused those painful memories.

Shifting his position slightly, Kakashi caught a glimpse of his charge. He desperately wanted to go down there and comfort Iruka - no matter what it was that was had made Iruka cry and run off. The reason was not as important as showing Iruka that he was ready to defend the brunet from anything and everything, even his past. Kakashi did not only hear a quiet sob come from his charge, but felt it in his chest, very nearly pushing him off the tree branch he was standing on.

In just four months, he had become so attuned to Iruka, he did not need any one of his five senses. All he needed was his heart to tell him what to do to help and protect him. Slipping off of the branch, Kakashi silently landed on the ground and slowly moved towards his sobbing charge. Even before he reached the brunet, Iruka visibly stiffened. Eying his charge's back, Kakashi realized why Iruka's movements were so easily seen.

Without thinking, he wrapped his wool cloak around Iruka's shaking frame. Even before the cold snow started to hit his now bare shoulders, Kakashi loosely circled his arms around Iruka, pulling the brunet back against his chest. Even with his uniform on, Kakashi could still feel the cold temperature of Iruka's body, which caused him to start rubbing his hands along the chuunin's upper arms, trying to instill some warmth into limbs that had been outdoors far too long without a jacket.

Iruka was pulled from his thoughts when he felt startling warmth race along his arms. It only took him a moment to feel the scratchiness of wool being rubbed against his frozen skin, its friction searing his cold flesh. A shiver ran up the brunet's back at Inu's caresses. They were not ones that should be arousing, but Iruka found himself pressing into his bodyguard's touch. Those hands, slowly warming his body, were ones that Iruka knew could kill in the blink of an eye. Those powerful digits could clutch a blade or the hilt of the katana strapped to his back with the kind of familiarity borne out of years of use. They were hands that were a weapon in themselves. Iruka had felt their powerful grip and punch far too often in their sparring to not admire Inu's strength and restraint. His bodyguard could bruise him with ease. Inu could break bones if he held Iruka too tightly.

The appreciation of his bodyguard's deadly hands made the feel of them all the more thrilling. Iruka knew that he should be afraid of those hands - they were hands of an ANBU member. They were those of an assassin. But they were also the fingers that played the most beautiful music. They were ones that could touch with the most tender of caresses. They were the hands of a man who was a walking contradiction. Unaware of his charge's thoughts, Inu's fingers traced a path of desire down the back of the brunet's arm.

Another shiver raced through Iruka that had nothing to do with the cold as Inu's warm breath caressed the back of his neck.

In attempts to stop himself from being seduced unintentionally by his bodyguard, Iruka twisted around in Inu's arms so that he was facing the older man. As he moved, he could feel Inu's gloved hands wrap around his bare ones and bring them up to his face.

Instantly, a warm puff of air prickled at Iruka's numb fingers and, if he wasn't so surprised, Iruka would have pulled away at the odd sensation. Instead, he shivered at the wonderful jolt of warmth that ran through his body as Inu breathed on his cold hands again. Despite knowing his bodyguard was only doing so to warm him back up, Iruka could not help but describe the elite shinobi's actions as seductive. Though not purposely sexual in nature, those supposedly innocent acts were certainly doing strange things to his body. After Inu's earlier touches, Iruka's entire body was tingling in sensation and the knowledge that Inu's soft lips were so close to his fingers was almost too much for Iruka to handle.

"Baka…" Kakashi mumbled to himself as he alternated between rubbing and blowing warm air on Iruka's frozen fingers. It was not for several silent moments before he glanced back into his charge's face and saw the scarlet covering Iruka's scarred cheeks. He had the strange feeling Iruka's flushed face had nothing to do with the cold. Those deep breaths of air had nothing to do with Iruka bolting from the apartment without a word of explanation. The realization that, once again, he was behaving improperly towards his charge, nearly made Kakashi drop Iruka's cold hands. But he couldn't find it in him to behave properly.

"I-I…um…" Iruka stammered, wondering if his face looked as warm as it felt. If so, he must look like some kind of demented tomato. Bowing his head, he took several deep breaths in hopes of calming himself back down, but any chance of that happening disappeared as Inu brought his hands even closer to his face and let out another warm breath, this time sending shivers throughout Iruka's body. Now, Iruka's fingers were so close to his bodyguard's face, he could tell there was nothing separating his cold fingers and the older man's smooth skin. He could feel heat radiating off of the ANBU member's face, prickling his frozen fingers. "Y-you aren't wearing your mask…"

Kakashi blinked a few times, definitely not expecting that statement from Iruka. Thinking about it, he recalled that he had indeed left his mask on the kitchen table, where it was always located when they were alone. He had been so worried about Iruka, he had not even thought to get his porcelain mask and had not missed it one iota since. Even now, as the brunet's fingers were a mere hairsbreadth from his face, he found that he did not care he was out in public without anything covering his face.

The only thing he wanted at that moment was Iruka's gentle touch. Unable to stop himself, he pressed his bare cheek against the brunet's frigid hands, not caring that the coldness of Iruka's fingers sent shivers down his back.

If he had the breath left in him, Iruka would have gasped, but the moment he felt Inu's soft skin against his tingling hands, all the air in his lungs was released in a whoosh that left him unable to breathe. The ANBU member's skin was, if possible, even softer than he remembered. It was impossibly warm, seeming to burn his frozen fingers.

Then, the elite shinobi shifted. It would have been imperceptible to any normal person, but to Iruka, it was as though Inu had pulled him flush against his hard frame. Iruka could feel the increased tempo of his bodyguard's breathing, the racing of his heart. He could feel the warmth of Inu's skin. He even doubted the ANBU member realized that he had moved towards Iruka, closing in the distance between their faces.

Out of instinct, Iruka found himself moving closer to the older man. A part of him was curious what was running through Inu's mind, but another side was growing quickly addicted to the warmth of his skin, the cool mint taste and smell of his breath. Iruka tilted his head a fraction, wanting to know what was making Inu's heart beat speed up and why the ANBU member was swallowing heavily. It took him only a moment to come to a conclusion that struck Iruka to his very core: Inu was going to kiss him.

Kakashi should have never started blowing on Iruka's fingers to warm them back up. He had regretted it the moment he began, but he couldn't stop when he saw the teacher shiver. Any professional would have just rubbed them – no, they would never have let Iruka outside in such inappropriate clothes. Any sane person would have never brought Iruka's cold fingers up to his face. Anyone other than him would have thought nothing of Iruka tilting his head. But Kakashi could not help but stare at the positively kissable teacher as a moist tongue darted out, licking those lips until they glistened in the pale moonlight.

Kakashi had a great deal of willpower, but Iruka would tempt even a saint.

With a groan, he pulled Iruka against him, crushing his lips against the teacher's wetted ones. When the brunet let out a squeak, he pulled back just a fraction, his kisses becoming gentle enough not to hurt Iruka. He memorized every inch of those warm, plump lips with his own lips, his tongue, and his teeth. Kakashi was not naïve enough to think he would ever get this chance again. Not when Iruka regained his senses and slapped him away. Just for a moment, he wanted to taste what heaven was like.

Nipping gently on the teacher's low lip, Kakashi silently begged for entrance, which he was immediately granted with a soft moan from the teacher. Not wanting to lose his only opportunity, he dipped his tongue into that warm cavern, swallowing the delicious whimpers that arose from Iruka's throat.

Iruka lost any and all thought other than the realization that _Inu_ was kissing him. It was his perverse, joking bodyguard who was making him feel a passion he never thought possible. Those strong, familiar hands that used to write to him in beautiful, flowing calligraphy now cupped his face, holding it still as Inu kissed him until he could no longer breathe.

The brunet whimpered as Inu's tongue probed his mouth, kissing him so soundly, Iruka was no longer sure of anything other than that he needed _more_. He needed more of that addictive warmth; he had to taste more of the elite shinobi. Pure primal desire fueled Iruka as he pushed back against Inu, moving until he found himself pressing against Inu, his arms wrapping around the older man's neck. This close, he could feel the hardness of Inu's arousal, the searing heat that radiated from it, but more than anything else, he could taste, hear, feel, and smell Inu's desire for _him_.

Iruka did not even feel Inu's cloak slip off of his shoulders or the cold air hit his body. At that moment, he was only aware of the man he was kissing – Inu's hands on his flushed skin, his muscular body pressed against Iruka's, the rapid rhythm of his heart, the taste of his lips and tongue. His warmth, his flavor, his very smell, the sound of his deep groans – Iruka greedily sucked it all in like a drowning man hungrily sucks in air.

Kakashi nearly screamed when Iruka pressed his lower body against the jounin's already painful arousal. It was all too much – it was his dreams come true. Instead, he bucked his hips, ramming his erection against the teacher's thigh as he groaned. He couldn't do this. He couldn't seduce the brunet, not when he was charged with protecting him. And that meant protecting Iruka from him and his desires. He pulled away from Iruka, though it was nearly impossible to do as the teacher tried to follow him, deepening their kiss until neither man could breathe.

Finally, Kakashi freed himself from the brunet's kiss. Gasping for air, he pressed his lips against Iruka's bare neck as he tried to calm down his racing heart. After several deep breaths, he found himself capable of doing something other than tasting the unique saltiness of Iruka's chilled skin. That cold temperature jerked Kakashi out of his lustful haze. Instantly, his hands began rubbing those bare arms, hoping to infuse some of his burning warmth into Iruka's frozen limbs.

After several moments, the jounin had enough air in his lungs – and enough sense in his head – to speak. "I-I'm sorry…I shouldn't have…" Inwardly, the jounin snorted. He shouldn't have what? He shouldn't have kissed Iruka? He shouldn't have shown the teacher a fraction of the desire he felt for him? He shouldn't have let Iruka go out in the snow with so few clothes on?

Most of all, he shouldn't have fallen in love with him.

Iruka furrowed his eyebrows, trying to figure out why Inu was apologizing. Being so in tune with his bodyguard, it took no more than a moment to understand the ANBU member. Inu felt something for him – something far more than a true professional should feel. And, for one selfish moment, the elite shinobi had acted on that. This time, it was more than a kiss or a caress. Not even their heated kiss from months ago compared to the sheer emotion Iruka could feel racing through his bodyguard. The touches as Inu taught him to play the piano were nothing in comparison to feeling every inch of the tall man pressed against him.

Inu was apologizing because, for some idiotic reason, he thought he was doing something wrong. Iruka shook his head, covering up the ANBU member's swollen lips with a cold hand before he continued speaking. Iruka's movements forced to older man to lean back and look at him.

Kakashi's eyes widened as he stared at Iruka, or more specifically, his ravished lips. Swallowing heavily, the jounin wished he could tear his gaze away, but Iruka was so beautiful, he could not pull himself away. It took all of his willpower to keep himself from kissing Iruka again. He could not, however, stop himself from nibbling on the palm that still covered his mouth. His tongue followed the brunet's life line, tasting a delicious mixture of snow and sweat on his tanned hand.

Finally, Kakashi stopped indulging himself and completely pulled away from Iruka's hand. Biting his lower lip, the jounin stared at the man he was in love with, wishing that he could act on his impulses and return to those lips that begged to be kissed. He desperately wanted to wrap his arms around Iruka as he showed him all of the passion he felt. But he knew he couldn't do that. He loved Iruka far too much for that.

Above all else, Kakashi was Iruka's bodyguard. That meant that he had to protect Iruka with his very life – he had to be emotionally detached, he had to have his entire concentration on their surroundings, he had to constantly be prepared for an enemy's attack. He could not for a moment think about the beautiful man pressed against him and imagine how he would look naked, strewn across a bed, moaning in desire. That mental picture made the jounin bite his lip hard so that he did not let out a groan. Tasting blood, Kakashi forced all the erotic images from his mind as he replaced them with reason _why_ he could not possibly go along with what his heart and body were demanding.

He was a professional. He was loyal to Konoha and its people. He could not knowingly put anyone in danger – especially not Iruka. Even if it meant denying himself and the teacher the one thing they both desperately wanted, he would do it to protect the man he had given his heart to.

Iruka sensed the changes in his bodyguard's emotions as though he could have seen them in the man's beautiful face. Pain, denial, self-hatred – Inu was doing anything and everything to convince himself that _this_ was wrong. It was a cold slap to the face, despite the fact the brunet understood completely. He knew that Inu was trying to logically explain to himself that he was just Iruka's bodyguard and could never be anything more. He was trying to hold back because he was, above all else, a shinobi.

But his rejection still hurt just the same.

Knowing that Inu was trying to be professional, Iruka forced himself to pull away. He could not knowingly make Inu decide between his desires and his fierce loyalty to Konoha and the shinobi code. He understood how much Inu's profession meant to him and could not, even for a moment, put that in danger.

"I…I'm sorry," Iruka said softly as he moved to stand back up, shivering slightly when Inu's addictive warmth quickly dissipated from his skin. Wrapping his arms around himself, the teacher wished that it did not feel so strange now that Inu was no longer kissing him, embracing him in a way that left Iruka breathless.

He could have all too easily gotten used to that feeling.

XXX

Iruka sighed in relief as he pulled off his snow-covered sandals off. It was not until he had gotten back into the apartment that he realized just how cold he was. Ignoring the pricks of pain radiating from his frozen extremities, Iruka shrugged out of his bodyguard's cloak and hung it up on the rack he knew to be next to the door. He said nothing as he made his way through the apartment though a part of him wanted desperately to break the awkward silence that had reigned since Inu apologized for kissing him. He could not think of a single thing to say, however, that would not make him even more uncomfortable than he already was.

What could he say - that he enjoyed that kiss? That he wanted Inu to forget his morals, throw him against the closest wall and ravish him? Iruka bit his lip, knowing that that was the last thing Inu would want to hear. His bodyguard would certainly not want to hear how that single kiss had made Iruka's entire body hum in desire. Every inch of him cried out in sensation, from the warm air brushing against his frozen skin to the rhythmic thump of Inu's heart.

Silently making his way into Inu's bedroom, Iruka began stripping off his soaked shirt. He no longer cared if his bodyguard had followed him. He could feel Inu's eyes quickly moving away from him as Iruka tried to peel the shirt off of his cold frame. If nothing else, Inu respected him - to the point, Iruka wanted to smack the man, but the brunet could not fault his bodyguard for being a gentleman. Iruka knew that Inu would probably take it badly if he told his bodyguard that he desperately wanted Inu's only functioning eye focused on him, raking across his cold, half-naked body.

What he wouldn't do to have those warm, strong fingers brush against his skin! To feel Inu's lips against his neck, his tongue leaving a wet trail down his chest. Iruka knew better than to dissect his feelings - he did not want to know if his desires were more due to physical arousal or emotions directed at his professional bodyguard. He had the feeling he was not prepared for the answer.

Finally getting his clinging shirt to release its hold on his head, Iruka threw the wet material towards the hamper. Hearing a soft thud, Iruka knew it had fallen short of the basket and, instead, had hit the carpeted floor. Instead of going to pick up the shirt like he normally would, Iruka turned towards the bed. Inu would no doubt clean up after him and, for once, Iruka did not feel bad for letting his bodyguard act as a maid as well. All he wanted was to go to bed and forget about the entire day - from admitting his feelings for Mizuki were nothing more than lust and a twisted form of friendship to kissing Inu and being rejected.

Hearing a quick intake of breath, Iruka turned his head back towards his bodyguard, sensing Inu's eye on him. That single sound was one laced with pain and, before Iruka got a chance to ask what was wrong, he felt a gentle touch between his shoulder blades.

Kakashi furrowed his eyebrows as his fingers traced along the dip along Iruka's spine. He had seen a great deal of Iruka's skin - having lived with him for months, it was unavoidable. But he had never seen Iruka's back until now. He had never before had the chance to study the shock of white against beautifully bronzed skin. He never felt the unevenness of an old wound, long healed over, but never completely gone. As he trailed his fingertips along the scar, Kakashi could feel the brunet's backbone and knew just how close that injury had been to doing serious damage to Iruka. Iruka could have been paralyzed for life had that wound been a mere hair closer to his spine. Iruka could have been killed by whatever attack had left him with this single, horrifying mark on an otherwise unmarred back.

Iruka gasped quietly as Inu's fingers studied his back. This was not the cold, professional touch of a medic - something he was accustomed to, considering all the years of physical therapy he had to go through to make sure he did not lose any mobility or flexibility due to his scar. No, those fingers were ones that Iruka knew to be deadly, but on his near-fatal injury, they were the gentlest of touches. They were ones that made the hypersensitive scar tissue erupt in sensations. Shivering at the delicious feeling of Inu's hands on him, Iruka involuntarily pressed against his bodyguard, wanting to feel _more_.

Inu's fingers immediately left his back, so quickly it was as though he had been stung. Mourning the feeling of his bodyguard's warm hands on his cold back, scorching his skin in more ways than one, Iruka turned around to completely face Inu. He had the feeling that, if Inu could still see his back, he would be distracted. Perhaps he would be thinking about what could cause such an injury. Would he feel a moment of pity for him, understanding just how difficult it was to remain a shinobi when every day for months after the attack, Iruka was in constant agony?

"How?" Kakashi had no idea if his charge heard his whisper. He was not even sure if he had vocally asked the question. At the moment, he did not trust his own voice. The thought that Iruka could have been killed from that injury had made his entire body tremble and his voice would have only reflected his terror. He had very nearly lost the man he loved - and he knew nothing about it.

"Mizuki," Iruka said quietly as he moved away from his bodyguard, no longer able to stand so close to the man that he wanted with every inch of his being. He was far too tempted to throw himself against that muscular chest and, for once, let go. He wanted desperately to fall to pieces and simply cry over the years he had wasted with his bastard of a lover. Inu would hold him. Inu would protect him from the ghosts of the past. And, somehow, Iruka knew Inu would guard his heart from any more pain.

"He was my best friend...my lover since we were thirteen." In the world of shinobi, thirteen was not a surprising age to be sexually active - not when most shinobi did not live beyond their mid-twenties. But it was shocking just the same as Iruka looked back at his life and, with the wisdom born from years of pain, knew just how naive he was and regretted giving up his childhood so early.

"I thought we would grow old together." Iruka closed his useless eyes, not wanting Inu to see the pain he felt whenever he thought about the man who had hurt him so deeply. "I was an idiot to believe he would be content with being an academy teacher. He thought I was weak for wanting to continue teaching. He wanted to be promoted to jounin, but he knew he wouldn't survive the test. He was always so angry.

"I tried to help him with his anger issues...but...but no matter what I did or said..." Iruka shook his head, trying not to remember the bruises and broken bones. He did not want to recall how he had to teach himself basic healing jutsu so that the hospital did not become suspicious. Unconsciously, he wrapped his arms around himself, his fingers tracing the invisible marks of where Mizuki used to grip him, holding him down as he pounded into him. Tears trekked down his cheeks, reminding him of all the useless tears he cried as Mizuki laughed at his weakness. Shivering at the memory, Iruka bit his lip. He was not sure how Inu would take that kind of confession - would he be disgusted by Iruka's complacency or would he be angry with the man who made Iruka believe that that kind of abuse was a normal part of being in love.

Taking a breath that, to anyone's ears, sounded more like a sob, Iruka continued. "He hated Naruto - and I tried to ignore it. I thought it was because Mizuki had lost his parents in the Kyuubi attack as well and wanted someone to blame. But it was more than that." Despite his attempts to stop himself from remembering that life-altering day, Iruka could still remember the sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach as he handed in the final reports to the Hokage's secretary. He wanted to snatch them back and rewrite Naruto's failing grade, but his beloved little brother had failed the final test. It was self-hatred he felt when he finally admitted Naruto would never receive his hitai-ate. He should have somehow been able to teach his brother better, been a better family for the orphan who was hated by so many. But he must have failed somewhere along the way. How else could he explain that such a bright, passionate child could not do something as simple as make a clone?

"Mizuki convinced Naruto to steal a scroll that had a forbidden jutsu on it, saying it was the only way for him to graduate from the academy. T-that day, I _knew _something was wrong. I couldn't find Naruto...then I heard the alarms going off in the Tower." He had bolted from the Hokage's office without giving the Third's secretary any explanation the moment he heard the guards. They had found the Hokage passed out with a nosebleed - Iruka needed no other information to understand what must have happened. Being one of the two shinobi in the village who knew the Sexy no jutsu, it was not hard to figure out that Naruto had done something unforgiveable. He had raced through the village, searching out his brother's chakra.

The mere memory of following Naruto's energy signature, racing through the forest, made his heart pound in his throat as though he was there, his mind racing through possible consequences. Naruto could be killed for not only attacking the Hokage, but also stealing a scroll. He could be put in prison or exiled for his actions. Tears had burned in his eyes as he realized that Naruto would never get his hitai-ate now, not after betraying his village.

Seeing a flash of orange and bright yellow, Iruka had known he found his brother. Then...there was that sound that would haunt him for the rest of his life. A blade slicing through the air. Iruka needed nothing else to move into action.

"Mizuki wanted the scroll for himself. I-I stopped a blade that was meant to kill Naruto," Iruka whispered as he felt that old pain. It was more than sharpened steel tearing through his back, scraping internal organs and damaging more nerves than Iruka ever admitted to anyone other than the doctors. It was the look of horrified disbelief in Naruto's eyes. His brother had never realized Iruka would give his life to protect him. It was Mizuki's laughter, the memory of how Iruka had once loved to hear that sound. It was the feel of self-disgust that rolled through him as he realized he was just as stupid and weak as Mizuki had always told him he was. How else could he explain how he had never known his lover was planning to betray their village? He had never realized just how much Mizuki hated them all.

"H-he would have killed me and never felt a moment of r-regret, but N-naruto saved my life." Iruka hastily wiped away the tears that coursed down his scarred cheeks, but froze when he felt gentle hands cup his face, thumbs gingerly brushing against his wet skin. It was the complete opposite of Mizuki's harsh touch whenever he cried. Instead, those caresses were ones that told him he was not alone. He could hear the painful gasps of air, the pounding of a sympathetic heart. He could feel the trembling of his bodyguard's entire body, revealing just how much self-restraint Inu was employing. In that moment, he knew that his bodyguard would kill Mizuki if he ever met him. The ANBU member would do anything to protect him, no matter what the threat was.

Kakashi could not stop himself from leaning forwards and kissing the tears from Iruka's face. He had known Iruka had lived through something terrible, but he had never imagined the kind of pain the brunet had to have endured with his lover's betrayal. He had never thought someone could attempt to kill him - not someone who Iruka had cared about for years. How could someone take Iruka's love and throw it back at him? Who could be that heartless?

Iruka turned his head at the gentle caress of his bodyguard's lips against his cheek, shocking himself when he felt those same lips hesitantly touch his. Iruka trembled, unable to pull away as Inu continued to kiss him. This was nothing like Inu's other kisses - there was no sexual tension that sent his head spinning, no overpowering desire as he lost his senses in the ocean of feelings his bodyguard evoked in him. It was not the near-painful crushing of lips that he had always experienced with Mizuki. It showed him just a fraction of Inu's emotions towards him. Sympathy, protectiveness, sorrow - Iruka could not even begin to name everything that emanated from the ANBU member as the older man continued to brush his lips softly against Iruka's.

It was the sweetest kiss of his life.

He could remain like this for an eternity and never regret it. For the first time in his life, Iruka felt completely safe and content. Before him was a man who would never raise a hand against him, who would never even think of mocking him. No, his bodyguard would do anything and everything to support him, protect him...and love him. And, as warm arms enveloped him in an embrace that brought tears to his eyes, Iruka knew that nothing could take him away from the man holding him. Now having had a taste of what could be, Iruka was not going to give it up.

"Iruka...I..." What? _I'm sorry_ did not do any justice to the turmoil Kakashi felt as he tried to put himself in Iruka's place. He simply pressed his lips against Iruka's temple, emotion choking him as he took a shaky breath. How could Iruka have possibly lived through such a hell and turned out to be the wonderful person he was? How could he be so kind, so forgiving? He was so strong, but was the gentlest person Kakashi had ever met. Now knowing just how much Iruka had lived through, Kakashi loved him all the more. Not even the horrors of his past had completely broken that spirit that he had wholly and completely fallen in love with.

Pulling away slightly so that he could see his charge's entire face, Kakashi knew he could not go on like this. He could no longer live a lie when Iruka had bared his heart to him. The fear of being rejected by the brunet threatened to tear him apart, but he somehow held himself together as he took a step back. His arms cried at the emptiness as they fell to his sides, his entire body fought against the words that caught in his throat. Iruka needed to know who he was. His heart already began to break, not wanting to imagine what he would do if Iruka hated him for his lies. He took a deep breath, but no amount of air would give him the strength of destroying the piece of heaven he had experienced with Iruka these past few months. The courage he was famous for failed him as he looked at the brunet before him, but somehow the words came to him.

"I-I never meant to lie to you or hurt you. Tsunade asked me to guard you...knowing what I went through years ago...what I still live with today." Unconsciously, Kakashi brought a trembling hand up to his scarred face, covering his unseeing eye as though it would protect him from the heartache he was racing towards. "I thought you would never accept my help if you knew who I was...so I hid behind my retired ANBU mask." Bile rose up in his throat as he recalled the day he had told the Third he would never again wear that accursed mask. He had said nothing would ever make him don his cloak and live in the shadows under an alias that reminded him of his father's dishonor. But that was before he had met the man who would change his life - and make him willing to do anything to protect him.

"I thought I could keep a professional distance from you...just protect you from attacks and teach you how to adapt without your vision, b-but I got to know you." Gently, he brushed the backs of his fingers against Iruka's cheek, feeling the warmth more than seeing the blush his words were causing in his charge. "I got to know the _real _you...and you were far from anything I ever imagined."

Iruka bit his lip, sensing where his bodyguard's words were going, and the realization Inu trusted him so completely made him breathless. Even in his dreams, he had not expected these raw emotions from the man who had given him his life back. He never thought his bodyguard would expose himself, not after learning just how secretive the shinobi was. Every single remaining sense told him just how difficult this was for Inu. His heart was racing, his breathing labored. His voice trembled, his fingers quivered against Iruka's cheek. His fear was palatable, and the scent of his cold sweat filled the room.

"M-my n-name…" Kakashi swallowed heavily, his voice failing him as he tried to imagine how Iruka would react to discovering his identity. Would he be angry? Would he hate him? Would Iruka be disgusted by his deception? Whatever he was expecting, it was not the gentle smile that Iruka gave him as he lost the ability to speak.

Iruka could not stop his hand from rising from his side. He could feel Inu's warm breath on his palm as he ran his fingers along those trembling lips. Ever so gently, he caressed Inu's warm skin, feeling the plumpness of his lips, the smoothness of his jaw, the unmarred flesh of his right cheek. He ran his fingers along the sole scar Inu's face held. He stood on the tips of his toes, kissing the mark that Inu had been so afraid of him discovering. That fear was not due to some horrible injury that left him horribly disfigured, like Iruka had first imagined. No, it was the pain of living years without anyone to understand him. It was the terror of being discovered – and being found somehow lacking because of his handicap.

Rocking back on his heels, Iruka found himself comforted in the limitless trust Inu had placed in him. He had thought he needed to hear the words to know his bodyguard's feelings for him. But, with Inu now before him with no more secrets between them, Iruka realized that he did not have to hear the man's name from his own lips. Knowing that the shinobi was prepared to lay himself bare before him was more than enough.

"I'm not an idiot," Iruka whispered as his fingers slid down his bodyguard's neck, coming to rest over his racing heart. He bowed his head, listening to the sound he had come to associate with safety, compassion – but, most of all, someone he cared for more than he thought possible. A name did not change that familiar rhythm or the warm mint that assailed his nose as his bodyguard's fingers caught his chin and tilted his head up so that that single eye could study his features.

A name was not as important as the man who had used his own life to teach Iruka what an amazing shinobi he was, no matter his handicap. No, the shinobi before him was much more than his name, the scar over his left eye, his silver hair or his tall, lanky frame – he was the man Iruka had gotten to know over the past four months. He was the person who was gentle and kind, but had a perverse streak a mile long. He was the man who read those _Icha Icha_ novels because he was a closet-romantic. He was the one who played beautiful music to remember the woman who gave him life at the cost of her own. He was the shinobi who was unwaveringly loyal to his village. He was someone who wielded his strength with the control and respect of someone who knew what it was like to be without it. He was the man who had gone on living and achieving his dream, despite losing an eye at thirteen. He had become a shinobi worthy of his title despite the challenges he faced. He had gained Iruka's friendship and respect because of the person he was, not his name.

"I think I've known for a while," Iruka continued quietly as his bodyguard's fingers fell from his chin out of surprise. He had tried to ignore the obvious clues, knowing how important anonymity was for ANBU members, but the man before him was no longer just his bodyguard. For a genius, the jounin before him sometimes was not too bright if he thought he was completely fooling Iruka for all this time. But Iruka would not expect anything less from the man who had unknowingly kidnapped his heart from right under his nose.

"And I don't care who you are, Kakashi."

XXX

Authoress: *dies happy* ABOUT FUCKING TIME! Kukuku! I never believed I could drag it out this long, but I know I have been annoying everyone with Iruka's apparent "blindness" towards Kakashi's obvious identity…and I apologize profusely to all of you, my wonderful and dedicated readers! But I couldn't write the chapter I have planned for next time without having Iruka know who Kakashi was – my conscience couldn't handle all the *bleepidy* *bleeping*…too many painful questions later if Iruka kept crying out "Inu" and not "Kakashi"…*cackles* So, just in case that was too subtle…that's right – we're finally going to have a reason this story is rated M! Yay for Yaoi goodness!

DragonsFlower: So sad! * looks murderous* Mizuki... Can you come here for a sec? * said ninja walks over oblivious* KEYAH! **Censored for extreme graphic content involving castration, rusty pins, and removal of vital organs**

Authoress: I feel the same way! And thank you, Dragons-chan for betaing this chapter - she is the reason we will finally be having some Yaoi goodness...and why this chapter is beastly in length! So, everyone, please review and tell me what you think of the recent developments in Kakashi and Iruka's relationship! Until next time, ja ne!


	9. Chapter Eight

Authoress: *cries* I am so sorry for taking so long to finally write this! I have had the monster of all writer's blocks after writing the first (and second) attempts at this chapter, and then having to junk them because they were such trash, not to mention all the times I crashed my computer as I attempted to write this chapter…anyways, they say third time's the charm…okay, more like eighth or ninth time, but who's counting? So here it is – and thank you all for being so patient. It was all of your reviews asking for the next update that really got me inspired to continue this story! YOSH! And, because it has been so long, quick recap of last chapter's ending:

"_I think I've known for a while. And I don't care who you are, Kakashi."_

**Chapter Eight**

Kakashi froze at those words, unknowingly shaking his head in disbelief. No one ever figured out who hid underneath that dog mask, not even other ANBU members. He was always so cautious with his mannerisms. Years ago, he learned how to deepen his teenage voice to a gravelly tone that became instinctive whenever he donned his mask. He did not even read his romance novels in public, never wanting anyone to associate that one action to his penchant for reading. He slouched to conceal his height that, even as a teen, made him stand out. His ANBU armor made him look bulkier, hiding his thin body. To the rest of the world, he was someone else entirely. He was someone who didn't even exist beyond the masked figure he had painstakingly made himself out to be.

All those years ago, when he had been an active ANBU member, he had always been so careful to not let anyone know who the feared _Inu_ was. He had been terrified of what they would think if they knew. He dreaded being looked at in terror, or worse revulsion. Even his old genin team had no idea what he had once done, the number of people he had killed – all for the sake of Konoha. They knew he was once ANBU, but he never spoke about that part of his life freely. He cared for them too much to reveal that side of himself. They respected him as a warrior, a teacher, and, in some ways, a friend. But how many bodies would it take before even Naruto would look at him in disgust? How many lives would his hands have to have taken before Sasuke labeled him a heartless murderer?

No matter what that actual number may be, Kakashi knew he had gone far beyond it.

The day Sasuke became captain of ANBU, Kakashi had been proud – but, more than that, he was terrified. Terrified that Sasuke would look over the infamous _Inu_'s records and put the pieces together. Kakashi was scared that Sasuke would realize that the man who held the record for number of kills was the same man who had taught him the worth of a life. When he heard that Naruto was going to be named Hokage, he felt that same flicker of panic. Did the Hokage have a record somewhere of his entire career? Did his file mention somewhere what alias he had taken for those dark years? Would Naruto put the pieces together and hate him for who he had once been?

Even Gai and his few friends knew little about those years other than that he refused to speak of them. He had met all of them after he quit the assassination squad, after he had changed who he was. Would they even recognize him as the same ANBU member they would not even stay in the same room with out of fear and hatred? Would they apologize for their harsh treatment, realizing that he had been just a boy, bent on self-destruction after losing everything? Would they appreciate his goal to take as many enemies with him to the grave?

Or would they see the ANBU member who blindly slaughtered all who stood in his way, whether they had been warrior or civilian, adult or child?

Iruka may not know about those dark years, having never met the true, murderous _Inu,_ but that was not enough to calm Kakashi's racing heart. Iruka may not know the reputation his ANBU counterpart had had all those years ago or the hatred his own comrades felt towards him. Iruka might not realize any of that, but his knowledge was just as damning.

Iruka had never tried to hide his dislike for Hatake Kakashi. They had even almost broken out into a physical fight in public over Kakashi's genin team. The only thing that saved Iruka from being pummeled for daring to question his motives had been Kakashi's instantaneous desire for the only person to ever stand up to him.

No, Iruka hated him – and it had nothing to do with his years of murdering targets without any question or hesitation. Iruka despised who he was, not knowing he was the scum of the ANBU world. Iruka had no idea how bloody his hands were, and yet he was still disgusted with him.

Iruka hated the man who had dared to push his own students beyond what anyone would consider the breaking point, not caring that Kakashi had forced those three to find their true potential. Iruka did not see that, with those three, Kakashi had done in a matter of months what it would have taken other teachers decades to produce.

Perhaps he had been harsh. Maybe he was even a little crazed to do half of what he did. But, all those years ago, results had been results – no matter what methods he had to use. Nearly losing his three students had taught him he really hadn't changed from the man who had ruthlessly slaughtered thousands while hiding behind a mask and an alias. He had been more than willing to risk their lives – and for what? To increase their speed and strength? To make them into perfect warriors, just like him?

Fearing for his students' lives had shown him that they were the ones who had forced a change on him without Kakashi even realizing it. They taught him that removing a porcelain mask and using his real name had only just been another ruse, another façade to hide who he truly was. He could force himself to smile and laugh so that others viewed him as normal, but those three had shown him what it meant to truly be happy. Their genuine trust and compassion had been something Kakashi had never known before and it slowly chiseled away at his heavily guarded heart, sculpting him into someone who was nothing like the heartless shinobi he had once been.

"_Kakashi_," Iruka whispered as he brought a hand up to brush his bodyguard's cheek. He did not need his sight to know he had done far more than startle the ANBU member with his words. He could feel the slight tremble of his bodyguard's frame against his skin. He could smell the sudden bursts of mint in the air as Kakashi gasped for air. Worst of all, however, was the sound of Kakashi's heart as it sped up.

Unable to stop himself, Iruka let his fingers drift along his bodyguard's face. What his sensitive fingertips met was not the customary smirk or those familiar laugh lines around his eyes, Iruka almost jerked his fingers away. He did not need eyes to read the panic in Kakashi's very features. And the realization that he, with just a few innocent words, had caused such a reaction in his normally fearless bodyguard made Iruka's heart ache. Was Kakashi's identity really that important?

But why would he then be so obvious? Why would he read his romance novels and make corny jokes? Why would he open up to Iruka and tell him about a past that should have set off warning bells when he first began telling those painful stories? Konoha had few child progenies, even fewer of which would have fit into Kakashi's age group. How many of those had silver hair and a stubborn streak a mile long? A small smile tugged at Iruka's lips as he realized the reason Kakashi never pretended to be someone else. He had trusted Iruka – perhaps more than he should have, but he had found a comfortable relationship where he could afford to let someone get to know the true Kakashi.

But his bodyguard was not cold or unfeeling as Iruka imagined Hatake Kakashi to be. He was not harsh, nor was he a complete pervert. He was not cruel. The man before him was nothing like the famed jounin; he was so far from Iruka's image of Kakashi that it had taken him this long to put the pieces together. It had taken him months to realize that those two polar opposites were in fact the same man. It took him so long to realize that the only person who could sympathize with him and give him his life back was the one person who Iruka thought couldn't be any more different from him.

"I-I…" Kakashi could not even form words as he looked down at Iruka, seeing none of the hatred or disgust he expected. Of all the people Kakashi had hidden his true self from, Iruka was the one person who should be truly justified in feeling betrayed. Instead, Kakashi only saw confusion etching the brunet's scarred face.

"But why the mask…the alias?" Iruka asked as his fingers danced along his bodyguard's handsome features, searching for an answer in the slight shift in the tall man's expression. Slowly, Kakashi's panic dissipated, replaced by a mixture of surprise and confusion. Iruka should have been amazed at how easy it was to read the notorious Hatake Kakashi's features – which explained why he wore a mask to cover up most of his face – but Iruka could not bring himself to even feel a moment of astonishment. If anything, he was overjoyed that his expressive bodyguard was returning to him. Already, he felt the familiar indentation between the man's thin eyebrows, telling Iruka that his bodyguard was mystified.

"W-What?" Kakashi finally stammered a word as he stared at Iruka, still expecting some kind of angered reaction for being tricked all these months. Anyone else would have felt deceived, but Iruka only shook his head and sighed. It was such a familiar reaction for the brunet that Kakashi was floored. Iruka was still treating him exactly as he had before he figured out Kakashi's true identity.

"You could have told me who you were from the beginning, baka," Iruka said as he bowed his head, his ears picking up the slower pace of Kakashi's heart. Glad he had relieved at least some of his bodyguard's inexplicable fear, Iruka waited for Kakashi's response.

"Y-You would have still wanted me as your bodyguard?"

Iruka heard the incredulous tone in Kakashi's deep voice and, though surprised by his bodyguard's question, he almost instantly responded. The man who stood before him was someone Iruka would always want by his side, teaching him, protecting him, and just being there for him when his world came crashing down around him.

That disbelief that laced Kakashi's question, however, made Iruka stop and think. Four months ago, would he have truly been comfortable with being watched over by the notorious Hatake Kakashi? Would he have let the powerful man lead him around the village before he adapted to his blindness? Would he have been so at ease if he had known those fingers that wrote to him were the same as those of the man who could be so cruel to his students? Would Iruka have even believed that Hatake Kakashi was capable of such sincere compassion?

Would he have listened to stories of Kakashi's past with the same lack of bias? Would he have curled up on the couch and let tears fill his useless eyes as he listened to his bodyguard pour his emotions into his music? Would he have even fully appreciated that music, knowing that it was the only way Kakashi could ever know his mother? Or would he have just listened in jaw-dropping disbelief as the powerful, seemingly emotionless jounin played piece after heart-wrenching piece? Would he have realized his bodyguard's loss of vision if he had known just how much Kakashi had done in his life?

Most of all, would he have even agreed to let Kakashi into his life if he had believed his bodyguard to be that unfriendly, cold-hearted man he had always thought the Sharingan-wielder to be?

Iruka shook his head in disbelief as he furrowed his eyebrows. "No…I wouldn't have…" he admitted slowly, more for his own benefit than Kakashi's. Iruka could not believe that he might have voluntarily given away his only chance to get to know Kakashi just because of his own wrong impressions concerning the Copy Ninja. He might have thrown their chance at a friendship away because of his negative opinion of the jounin. He may have never learned how to cope with his own loss if it had not been for Kakashi and his insight. Iruka would never have adjusted with his blindness had it not been for Kakashi's consideration, which resulted in him parading around as an ANBU member – a façade Kakashi obviously disliked considering he never wore his mask unless they were in public.

Worst of all, Iruka would never have become the man he was now because of his own stubbornness. He would have never realized his own potential as a shinobi if it had not been for Kakashi and his understanding of Iruka's situation. He would have never had the chance to prove his worth had it not been for the one person who believed in him and pushed him past his previous limits.

Iruka would have never understood just how shallow his emotions towards Mizuki were had it not been for the man who taught him what it truly meant to be desired.

What must it have been like, to return to ANBU – a group Iruka could tell his bodyguard disliked being a part of – all for someone he hardly even knew? How could Tsunade have talked him into taking a mission because he understood what it was like to be blinded? Why did Kakashi even agree, knowing he had a good chance of Iruka discovering his own well-hidden handicap? Why had he opened up to Iruka, showing a side of himself few people realized he had?

"Thank you."

Overcome with gratitude for all Kakashi had done for him, Iruka found himself embracing the tall man. Wrapping his arms around Kakashi's neck, he buried his face against his bodyguard's shoulder and let out a shaky breath he hadn't realized he had been holding in. Instantly, he could feel Kakashi's body tense, though not out of unease but surprise judging from the sharp intake of air he could hear. Iruka's suspicions were confirmed when mere moments later, Kakashi's arms were around him.

The brunet could not help but gasp as his body was enveloped in warmth that seared his very flesh, flooding his senses with Kakashi's presence. The entire world fell away; all he knew was that Kakashi was holding him. No longer could he pick up the faint, recognizable scents of his bodyguard's apartment; only the smell of Kakashi filled his nose. He could not hear the familiar creaks of the floorboards beneath his feet, just the pounding of Kakashi's heart.

And then, all he could feel were the warm lips against his own.

Iruka had no idea when Kakashi had lifted his head from its position on his shoulder, but as the initial shock of his bodyguard's kiss lessened, he could feel those warm fingers cupping his cheeks, forcing his head to tilt upwards. This wasn't like the few kisses he had shared with Kakashi in the past. This was not a bruising, passionate kiss meant to make Iruka forget the rest of the world. Nor was it a gentle, sweet caress.

In this kiss, Iruka could taste his bodyguard's barely contained desire for him. No, it was more than just simple lust. It was need he could taste on Kakashi's lips. It was longing Iruka could smell on his skin. And, as those trembling fingers ran through his hair, tightening their hold to the point of pain, Iruka could feel his bodyguard's once steely control bend under his own yearning.

No matter what questions Iruka had concerning the man kissing him, he was certain of one thing. Kakashi wanted him, and it was with such a fierce desperation that Iruka was blown away. It felt as though it went far more than want or desire. It was as though Kakashi needed him more than water or air.

Having never felt such emotion in a single, chaste kiss, Iruka found himself frozen. His head swirled with overpowering sensations. This was his _bodyguard_, and yet Kakashi had become so much more to him. He was his closest friend – but not even that explained the tightness in Iruka's chest as those lips brushed against his own. Nor did it give him a reason for the heat that raced through his body, as though lava flowed through his veins. Friendship did not explain why Iruka leaned into those arms, putting pressure into their kiss, pouring this unnamed, uncontrollable emotion into their embrace.

Kakashi's grip in his hair loosened, as though he finally realized just how much he was tugging those strands. Simultaneously, the tall man pulled away, his movements so quick, Iruka's head spun at the sudden loss of that all-encompassing warmth. Gasping at the abrupt change, Iruka stumbled, no longer having Kakashi right in front of him to lean against.

Still stunned by their kiss, Iruka made no move to find his balance, falling to his knees. Able to do little else, Iruka sucked in gulp after gulp of air in hopes of calming his racing heart. He tried to relax his trembling body, but to no avail. With every shaky breath of air, his senses were once again flooded with _Kakashi_. Over the pounding of blood in his ears, he could hear his bodyguard's pants. He could still taste Kakashi's lips on his, smell his breath on his own skin.

In that moment, as he listened to a heartbeat even more familiar than his own, as he tasted that minty sweetness he could never forget, Iruka knew. Finally, he understood that indescribable emotion he felt towards his bodyguard – his friend. He finally realized what that unfamiliar feeling was that bubbled up in his chest, what drove him to kiss his bodyguard not once, but four times, despite knowing the consequences if anyone found out. There was only one emotion that could explain why Iruka was willing to give anything for a man whose name he only just learned.

_I love him._

"I-Iruka…" Kakashi stammered, shaking his head in hopes to clear his thoughts. His body screamed to scoop Iruka off of the floor and continue their kiss, deepen it until he no longer had any chance of ever getting Iruka's taste off of his tongue. His fingers trembled, needing to touch his charge's tanned skin. Most of all, his heart cried out, needing to know why Iruka's kiss had changed into something that had nearly undone him.

It would be so easy to pull Iruka up into his arms and deposit his half-naked charge on his bed. It would take no more than an instant for him to remove his own clothes and join Iruka there. He could promise passion and pleasure unlike anything Iruka had ever experienced before. He could show Iruka, not with words but actions, his feelings for him. He could teach Iruka what it meant to have a lover who would never stab him in the back like that bastard Mizuki had done.

His entire body ached for Iruka, but there was one thing holding him back. Even in the dimly-lit room, Kakashi could still see the pearlescent shine of the marks scattered across Iruka's face. Those were scars Iruka had received because of his profession. Any lesser person would have thrown their hitai-ate away the moment they knew they were permanently blind. They would have damned Tsunade, the village, and anyone else they thought had a hand in their handicap. They would have given up without even trying, yet Iruka fought to prove everyone wrong. He forced himself to relearn everything – not to return to his old life, but to create a new one that he controlled. Kakashi understood that sentiment all too well. And, more than anyone else, Kakashi knew how hard Iruka had fought to prove himself worthy of his own hitai-ate.

"I-I ca-can't…" Stuttering, Kakashi backed up to get distance between them until he ran into a wall. Kakashi gasped for air as he gripped the solid surface, whether to keep himself upright or to stop himself from going back to Iruka, he was uncertain. Though he had sworn to be professional when it came to Iruka, he knew he was a single kiss – a smile, a gentle caress – away from ruining his entire career.

For Iruka – for even a few fleeting hours of passion – he was willing to risk everything.

It was law. A bodyguard who lost his heart to his charge forfeited his hitai-ate. Anyone willing to risk their charge's life for sex – even if it was out of undying love – had become distracted from protecting that person. As a result, they were no longer thought to be worthy of being a shinobi. No matter what such a disgraced bodyguard felt, for a moment, their loyalty to Konoha and their mission had wavered. How could anyone trust your pledge after you voluntarily stomped on the cardinal rule of being a bodyguard: do not get emotionally involved?

Thirty eight years of dedication. Thirty three of those years proudly wearing a hitai-ate. Nearly four decades of blood, sweat, and tears. The countless lives he had taken – and many more he had saved. All of it, Kakashi would have thrown away for just a single night with Iruka. Finally, for the first time in his life, he understood those dishonored shinobi who gave up their position out of love. He at last realized that they were not crazy to put a single person above everything else. If anything, they were the sanest of them all.

It was most certainly not a voluntary decision to fall in love, but it was his choice what to do about it.

He would not threaten Iruka's own chances at keeping his shinobi status, which were already shaky enough because of his handicap. Iruka could not have a single mark against him if he hoped to retain his hitai-ate. And, even if it meant hiding his feelings for Iruka, he would not chance taking away everything Iruka held dear.

"I can't…our careers…"

Those few words filtered into Iruka's ears, despite the thundering rush of blood. It was as though he had been slapped. Their _careers_? Kakashi worried about their status as shinobi when Iruka only now realized he had fallen in love with him? Even before the bitter chill from Kakashi's words settled into his body, Iruka found himself being pulled off of the floor and into a pair of warm arms.

Kakashi held Iruka, self-disgust stabbing at his belly like spears. If only they could do physical damage. At least then, he might have been able to ignore the emotional pain and regret that tore at him. With just a few thoughtless words, he had hurt Iruka. He could see the agony flicker across his charge's face the instant he had spoken. Of all the people who could hurt Iruka, he had never counted himself among them.

It was physically painful to realize how easy it could be to harm Iruka. What was worse was the realization that, in order for him to hurt Iruka so deeply, he had to mean more to the brunet than Iruka let on. The knowledge that his feelings might one day be returned pierced his heart. Because of their situation, they could never act on what they felt for one another. It would take years of waiting before they would no longer jeopardize their professions. It would mean years so that people would forget that the only time Iruka and Kakashi were seen together, they were fighting. Years in which to either hide their relationship from everyone or ignore one another until no one would wonder when they had developed feelings for each other. It was not a future Kakashi was going to put Iruka through. He deserved far better than a lover who hid in the shadows or a painful reminder of what could have been.

"I _won't_ risk your chances with the Council," Kakashi whispered against Iruka's ear as he tightened his arms around the brunet. Those old bastards would try finding any reason to take away Iruka's hitai-ate. They would use anything they could dig up on him to keep Konoha from having a completely blind shinobi because they themselves were too blind to see that Iruka had become more powerful _because_ of his loss of vision. Showing he could still fight was only the beginning of proving to his judges that Iruka deserved to change centuries of shinobi policy.

Kakashi was not as unique as Tsunade thought he was. So many shinobi hid their handicaps just to keep their position. Asuma's numb fingers had never stopped him from being a great shinobi, nor did Gai's excruciating joint pain from the years of abuse due to his weights. But they, like Kakashi, would never have considered bringing up their weaknesses to a council that was not simply conservative, but almost incapable of seeing the need for change. All shinobi clung to their careers too tightly to gamble it away on the slim possibility they might be able to amend the law.

Iruka was the only one brave enough. He was the one who, not only had nothing left to lose by fighting the Council, but who had enough spirit and dedication to even have a chance of winning. There was no way Kakashi could harm Iruka's opportunity to not only remain a shinobi, but to change laws put in place when Konoha was founded.

Iruka stood, stunned by his bodyguard's words and the emotion they contained. Whatever he had been expecting Kakashi to say about their careers, it had not been the concern, not primarily for his own position, but Iruka's. Even now, Kakashi continued to put Iruka before himself. The brunet found his momentary flash of pain dissipating as he started understanding Kakashi's position. Gently, he brushed his lips against Kakashi's cheek before stepping out of his bodyguard's embrace. Nodding his head, Iruka moved to leave the room, but froze at Kakashi's next words. A shiver of blinding lust hit Iruka at his bodyguard's comment very nearly did him in.

"If our situation was different…" Kakashi did not have to finish that phrase for Iruka to get his meaning. The desire that dripped from his words made his meaning obvious enough. If Kakashi was not his bodyguard, Iruka would have found himself a lover who would have erased every past lover from his memories. If not for the cruel twist of fate, Iruka might have found the one person who could have taught him what love was really like.

As painful as it was to know that he could never act on his love for his bodyguard, Iruka wouldn't have changed a thing. He would not have given a moment of his time spent with Kakashi for any chance that, had he not been blinded, he and Kakashi might have met under different circumstances. He would not have lost his eyesight, but he would have never found himself with Kakashi's gentle guidance. With his vision, he would not have to worry about losing his hitai-ate, but he would have never known that he could become so much more. He would have spent his days in the academy, never knowing his full potential. Most importantly, with his eyesight, he would have still been tricked by Kakashi's illusions, just like everyone else. In many ways, losing his sight had taught him just how blind he had been his entire life for him to not see Kakashi for who he truly was. Iruka whispered so softly, he knew Kakashi could not have heard just how glad he was that things happened the way they did.

"If things were different, I would have never fallen in love with you."

XXX

Kakashi let out a breath of air as he glanced at the clock for what seemed to be the millionth time, but the dark hand had not moved since his last check. If anything, he would have sworn that the minute hand had started going backwards. Rubbing his aching eyes, he shifted on the couch in hopes of relieving the pain in his back.

If he was a smart person, he would have called his pack to protect Iruka while he took a quick nap. But, despite being called a genius, Kakashi never thought clearly when it came to that brunet. He couldn't have slept, even if he didn't have to guard Iruka. Similarly, he had no urge to have Pakkun or the others, with a single sniff, understand why their master had turned into an insomniac. He did not want to see their pity, much less hear how he was doing the right thing by protecting Iruka from himself.

Right now, all he wanted to do was the _wrong_ thing. He wanted to burst into Iruka's room and declare his love. He wanted to tell Iruka about his years of obsession, of how he had considered himself in love with Iruka since they first met. Then, he would tell him that his love had grown over these months together, as he got to know the _real_ Iruka.

But he could never be with Iruka. The past eight hours, other than giving him a headache and a sleepless night, had taught him that there was no way he could ever be what Iruka needed. Iruka deserved someone who could love him openly. Iruka should never fear that his career hinged, not on his impressive abilities and love for Konoha, but his relationship with a man who did not deserve Iruka's affections.

Sighing, Kakashi put his book on the coffee table, no longer able to stare at the blurry words as he pretended to read while watching the clock slowly tick away. With a shake of his head to clear his vision, Kakashi got up. Cracking his back as he stretched, he damned the uncomfortable piece of furniture. Then again, had he been even half as smart as he was rumored to be, he would have gone to bed in his usual spot. But the temptation presented to him as he slept alongside Iruka would have been too great.

So, feeling like a rheumatic old man, he hobbled towards the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. Iruka would be awake in a few minutes, and anything to make the time until then pass faster was a godsend. Busying himself with the measurements, he recalled how Iruka used to carp at him from the kitchen table time and again because he somehow knew that Kakashi had put too much or too little coffee into the pot. Though he was rarely the one to make Iruka's coffee, he had learned just how the brunet liked it over these past months. He knew the exact temperature Iruka drank his coffee at and the mug Iruka liked most of all.

How much longer before Iruka would no longer need him around? How many more chances would he get to make Iruka's coffee while Iruka criticized his technique? How many more times would he catch the whiff of the strong, black liquid as it perked, filling his apartment with a nutty scent that he had once hated, but now could only associate with Iruka?

How long would it take before he would no longer smell fresh coffee and think of the one man he could never have?

Running a hand through his hair, Kakashi caught the uncommonly long strands back and tied them into a ponytail. Ever since he begun protecting Iruka, he had not had the chance to get a haircut. He used to go to the barber's religiously, refusing to let his hair get long enough that he could do what he had just done: put his hair back like his father used to. Instead of his stomach tightening at the memory of his father, Kakashi found himself oddly at ease. Then again, ever since he met Iruka, he had somehow slowly come to terms with his father's death. Ever since he got to know the scarred brunet, he had come to accept a great deal about himself. Losing his father so violently and dishonorably was just the beginning.

Kakashi glanced at the kitchen table, where he had left his ANBU mask last night. The dog mask had once been a painful reminder of his past. It had forced him to recall those dark, murderous years and the revulsion everyone had felt towards him. Most of all, it had made his own stomach turn as he felt the same hatred and disgust. How could he have ended the lives of so many without even bothering to learn anything about them beyond their names? How could he have taken away the chances for a better future from so many young shinobi?

But now? Now he looked at the mask, recalling the time in his life that that porcelain was the only thing protecting him from the rest of the world. The regret for what he had done was still there, but it was paired with wisdom and understanding that his actions, though reprehensible, were necessary. No longer did his mask pain him as it once had. All he could do was touch the smooth porcelain in awe, amazed he had survived that time in his life to become the man he was now.

And it was all because of Iruka.

Iruka had unknowingly taught him that ANBU were not simply the scourge of the shinobi world, working in the shadows because no self-respecting warrior would do half of what they accomplished from behind masks and aliases. No, Iruka had shown him respect for the abilities that granted him his mask. He had valued Kakashi's opinion, no matter what he used to cover his face from the rest of the world. Iruka had not seemed to care that, by having an ANBU mask, Kakashi was primarily an assassin. He had trusted Kakashi to protect him, no matter how bloody his hands had been in the past.

Sighing, Kakashi shook his head. He did not know what he had done to deserve Iruka's respect and trust, much less his friendship, but he was eternally grateful for it. In a world where his mask made everyone else loathe him, Iruka had been the one person who had seen beyond the white porcelain. Even when he did not have his ANBU mask on, his face was still hidden from everyone. Some thought it was because of he wanted to be mysterious, others because he was too handsome to be unleashed, unmasked, on the village. But how many would see his father in his features? How many would unknowingly remind him of his father's dishonor simply because he looked almost identical to him?

Of the few people Kakashi was comfortable with showing his face to, Iruka would be the only one to never be able to draw the comparisons between him and his father. He would be the only person who would not see the White Fang staring back at him. Instead, Iruka saw him as something else. Kakashi had no idea how Iruka would describe him, but it was not his father. No, Iruka saw him for who _he_ was, not a twin to the man who had died by his own hands.

As though in a trance, Kakashi lifted the mask off of the table and brought it to his face. After Iruka's attackers were captured and he no longer had to parade around as Inu, he would destroy it. No longer would he let it collect dust in his closet, a symbol of the memories that still invaded his thoughts, reminding him that he was a ruthless killer. He would never forget those dark years of his life, and he would never want to. However horrible that time was, it had made him into who he was today and for that, he had to be thankful. He now refused to take lives if he could avoid it, knowing that there was always another option to murder. He knew now that there were many forms of loyalty, but unquestioning, blind loyalty was nearly as bad as betrayal.

When all of this was over, he would destroy his mask as he should have done all those years ago. Finally, that old life no longer had a hold on him, reminding him of what he had done and what he could do again if he let himself. He was no longer that lost teenager who had no hope, no friends, and no expectations to live beyond his twentieth birthday. He now had something to live for, and it was far past time to put his past to rest and start looking towards the future.

Gently, Kakashi put the mask back down on the table and shuffled across the kitchen. It had become reflex to pour Iruka's coffee into the large ceramic mug the brunet liked most of all. Kakashi had no idea why Iruka preferred the faded blue container that should have been thrown out years ago, but he was not one to argue. Unconsciously, his finger danced around the lip of the mug just as Iruka always did to check the temperature.

Pinching his nose, Kakashi hardened his resolve. There was only one way he was going to survive today without passing out on Iruka at some point, which would only make his charge turn into a mother hen because he obviously couldn't take care of himself. Despite his dislike of the taste of coffee, Kakashi would do anything to keep Iruka from needlessly worrying. As he tossed his head back, Kakashi downed the mug of coffee before he rethought his plans to wake himself up. The jounin gasped for air even as the hot liquid slid down his throat, leaving a burning path to his stomach.

"Blegh," Kakashi mumbled under his breath as he grimaced, hoping that that was enough caffeine to hide his sleepless night from Iruka. He was not about to drink another mug when the first one was still burning the roof of his mouth, his throat, and his belly.

Then again, his charge would certainly smell coffee on his breath and, knowing Iruka, he would piece things together all too quickly, so Kakashi probably just drank the bitter liquid for no reason. Damn Iruka and his hypersensitive nose.

Hoping the pungent taste would leave his mouth soon, Kakashi poured another cup and started to walk towards the bedroom. Perhaps if he distracted Iruka with fresh coffee in bed, the brunet might not notice that Kakashi had already tried to shock his system with caffeine. Then again, Kakashi quickly realized that his attempts to wake himself up didn't work. Even as he moved to open the door, Kakashi found himself blinking repeatedly as his vision swam. Shaking his head to clear his head, Kakashi stumbled into the room, his legs feeling heavier than he was accustomed to.

Caffeine was supposed to make him wake up, not feel even more tired! Kakashi grumbled under his breath as he, through sheer force of will, kept his body from weaving as he made his way to the bed, where Iruka was already sitting up and smiling at him. Despite his exhaustion, Kakashi found himself chuckling in amusement. Iruka could smell coffee from a mile away.

Iruka tilted his head to the side, both hearing and feeling his bodyguard sit down on the edge of the mattress. Something was different about how Kakashi moved, however. It was as though he was barely able to lift his limbs. All it took was a moment of thought for Iruka to realize that, as poorly as he slept, Kakashi must have had even less rest. Every time he woke up, he could place his bodyguard's chakra in the living room on the couch and, from having gotten to know Kakashi so well these past few months, he knew his bodyguard had been awake every time he woke up.

So accustomed to Kakashi, the brunet barely even registered the gentle touch on his hands, bringing Iruka's fingers up to touch the warm edge of his favorite mug. Curling his fingers around the handle, Iruka wordlessly took his coffee from his bodyguard. Despite the flicker of anticipation that hit him the moment he felt the mug's warm handle, Iruka found himself hesitating to take his first sip. Instead, he curiously focused on his bodyguard. It was not entirely uncommon for Kakashi to make him coffee, but this was the first time he could smell the nutty aroma on his bodyguard's breath, covering up its normal minty scent.

"You didn't sleep last night," Iruka accused softly as he brought his mug up to his face, inhaling deeply. Normally, he would revel in the scent of his beloved coffee for a moment or two, but there was something off about it this time. It was not the difference between his and Kakashi's coffees; he could pick out coffee brewed by Kakashi with a single whiff. Furrowing his eyebrows, Iruka realized that there was something else mixed in with the rich scent. Something that, if he was to taste it, he might have called bitter or acidic. All he knew was that this subtle variation burned his overly sensitive nose. The scent was so delicate that he doubted Kakashi had picked up on the difference.

Perhaps Kakashi had gotten a different brand of coffee beans? It would not be the first time his bodyguard went grocery shopping while Iruka spoiled Pakkun and the rest of the ninken back at the apartment. Shrugging his shoulders at the almost unnoticeable discrepancy in smell, Iruka brought the mug to his lips and was about to take his first sip. Before the warmth of the ceramic against his lips even fully registered, the mug was torn from his fingers. A splash of hot liquid hit the back of his hand, but Iruka barely noticed it over the sound of the mug crashing to the floor and shattering into thousands of pieces. With every strangely melodic _ping_ as the fragments scattered across the wood floor, Iruka found his confusion growing.

As the last shard of ceramic stopped bouncing, Iruka noticed the searing pain across the back of his hand. "What was that for?" he snarled, finally registering the burn on his skin. Jerking his hand down, Iruka frantically wiped the hot liquid off against his pants before he blistered any more of his flesh. Snapping his head back up, Iruka was about to reprimand his bodyguard for his quick actions, but his words failed him as another sound filtered into his ears.

A sharp gasp for air as something heavy fell to the floor.

Iruka did not spare a moment to ask what had happened as he slid out of bed and dropped to the floor. He had never heard that pained sound before, but he knew Kakashi's voice. He had felt the instant disappearance of Kakashi's weight from his bed. Ignoring the hot liquid soaking through his thin pajama pants and the pain of ceramic shards digging into his knees, he ran his hands along the wet floor until his fingers met with something other than the remains of his coffee cup.

His fingers grew a mind of their own as he touched his bodyguard's tense leg. As his fingers moved up his bodyguard's prone body, Iruka felt that it was not just Kakashi's leg that was strained and trembling. His entire body shook, his muscles tightening to the point of pain. With no more than a thought, Iruka could sense Kakashi's chakra thrashing violently. It was as though Kakashi no longer had any control over his body or energy.

"K-Kakashi!" Iruka shifted as he struggled to flip the tall man over. Finally succeeding, Iruka pulled Kakashi's rigid frame into his lap, his fingers racing across Kakashi's flesh in search of something – anything – that would tell him what had just happened to his bodyguard. He could feel no injuries that would cause Kakashi's body to tense in pain, nor could he smell blood. He could sense no enemy jutsu, much less any presence near the apartment other than his and Kakashi's.

"Pl-please, Kakashi…" Iruka whispered as his touch drifted along his bodyguard's narrow jaw. He could just barely hear the racing of Kakashi's heart, but it was weak, as was the pulse in his neck. The sound of Kakashi's breathing, or lack thereof, was more frightening than the feeble beat of his heart. Each sharp, pained attempt to gasp for air was like a dagger to Iruka's heart as he searched for any reason for the sudden change in Kakashi's condition.

There was no external cause for Kakashi's rapid deterioration. No injury, no enemy – nothing. But there had to be something he missed, despite his heightened senses. There had to be something beyond the tensing of Kakashi's entire body, the weakening of his heart, and his inability to take a breath of air.

"_P-p…_"

Iruka caught the bubble of air pass Kakashi's lips and understood. It was not by accident that, just before he could take a sip of coffee, Kakashi had knocked the mug out of his hands. It was not by chance that Iruka caught a strange scent to his coffee this morning. Most damning of all, it was not coincidence that Iruka could smell that same bitterness on Kakashi's breath now as his bodyguard lay on the floor, writhing in pain as he gasped for air. Before the thought fully formed in his mind, Iruka found himself performing the fastest transportation jutsu of his life and praying he wasn't too late.

Someone just tried to kill Iruka and instead of him, they had accidentally poisoned Kakashi.

XXX

"There's nowhere else to look!"

Tsunade held her head in her hands, rubbing her aching temples as she heard another variation of the now familiar report. Every shinobi she had sent out to search for any information on the attack on Iruka had come back with the same conclusion. No matter where they went, what they did, who they talked to – all of her best shinobi came up with the same answer. No one knew anything about Iruka's attacker. Few outside of Konoha even knew who Umino Iruka was, so who would even want him dead? It was the one question that no one seemed capable of answering.

It had been four months since she had demanded her best shinobi to go in search of any information on Iruka's attacker. Not only had they found nothing to report, but Iruka's life had not even been threatened since. Perhaps everyone was right in telling her that the attack was never even meant for Iruka, but was instead a poorly planned attempt on her life.

No would-be-assassin would wait this long between attempts on his target's life. Lulling one into a false sense of security was one thing, but four months was too extreme. An attacker chanced being discovered every day they remained near their target. Most assassins also had a time limit – to kill their victim to avoid something from happening or otherwise change the future.

But Iruka? Who would want to kill an academy teacher who did a few odd jobs around the village in his spare time? Who would want to harm Tsunade's devoted, yet temporary secretary? Sliding a hand around to the back of her neck, rubbing the constantly aching muscles, she came up with an answer that she could no longer avoid.

No one.

No one would go after Iruka. He was an important person to Konoha because of his teaching abilities, but to missing nin or Konoha's enemies, he was worthless. He was not a high ranking shinobi, nor was he famous. If anyone was to be targeted for an assassination attempt, it would be someone like Gai, Kakashi, or Sasuke. An assassin would attack someone of great importance not only to Konoha, but her allies. An assassin, or whoever hired him, would want to go after someone whose sudden death would make an impact around the world.

Sighing, Tsunade lifted her head to look at the shinobi gathered around her office. Some wore ANBU masks, others had their features visible. One thing, however, tied them all together. These were some of the best shinobi in Konoha. Gathered around her were ANBU members, her personal bodyguards, the village's top jounin – people who an assassin would be far more likely to attack than one chuunin academy teacher.

Despite every logical thought told her that Iruka was out of harm's way, her heart told her otherwise. Someone had to have known Iruka would have been the one to open that envelope. But who? Who could hide their motives and actions so well from the rest of the shinobi world that, even after four months of searching, her best shinobi had not even heard a whisper about it?

"In light of everything, I'll take Inu off bodyguard detail," Tsunade said softly as she shook her head. Never before had her instincts failed her, but there was no other way to explain the past four months. Before she got the chance to continue explaining her sudden decision, the room erupted in outrage.

"_Inu_? You had that bastard watching Iruka-sensei!"

"Tsunade-sama, you couldn't have!"

"What were you thinking, Hokage-sama!"

"Have you lost your mind!"

Tsunade's head spun as comments came at her from all directions. Some of the younger shinobi in the room stared in confusion as their older comrades snapped at their leader. In another time, shinobi might have even shown fear for those who would dare be so disrespectful to their leader. Then again, if anyone showed her an ounce of the respect she deserved, no one would have said anything in the first place, much less yell at her for being an idiot. Never being one for manners herself, Tsunade slammed a hand down on her desk and as the loud crack echoed through the room, every voice fell silent.

She had not been expecting this kind of reaction from her shinobi, especially considering Kakashi had worn his ANBU mask around the village while protecting Iruka. Hadn't her best warriors figured out that "Inu" had been the one acting as Iruka's bodyguard all this time? Didn't Kakashi's mask make it obvious that he was brought out of retirement for this one ANBU mission? It was only then that she realized that nearly everyone in this room had been out of the village for the past four months under her command to find Iruka's attacker. They would have never seen Iruka and Kakashi wander around the village, much less realize that it was Kakashi that hid behind the retired ANBU mask.

But their reactions made no sense to her. Before her were professionals, many of who regarded Kakashi as one of the village's greatest shinobi. Some even counted him as a friend. Still confused, Tsunade still felt a burning urge to protect and defend the Copy Ninja. Her lips tightened into a grim line as she glared at Kakashi's so-called friends, those who had spoken the loudest against Inu.

"What is wrong with Inu? I remember all of you refusing to take care of Iruka – he at least agreed to help when you spineless brats wouldn't," Tsunade pointed out coldly as she took the time to look at each and every shinobi that had yelled at her. One by one, their gaze dropped, unable to withstand her scrutiny.

"H-He's a monster. Iruka-sensei didn't deserve something like _that_ to come near him," Anko said quietly, her gaze cemented to her hands folded in her lap. That single comment echoed through the room. Though no one else spoke, Tsunade could see the agreement in her older shinobi, from their body language to the sudden wave of relief that ran through the room, as though no one wanted to be the one to inform their Hokage about Inu.

A cold shiver ran down Tsunade's back at the kunoichi's words. Kakashi was not a monster – driven and perhaps a little crazed, but he never did anything to deserve such loathing. He could not possibly do anything that warranted such revulsion from his friends.

"How can you say that? He is one of your own!" Tsunade pointed out, this time making sure to eye each ANBU member, both current and those who had retired. Those who had retired, however, were surprisingly the ones who had been the most vocal. Raising an eyebrow, she could only wonder what Kakashi could have done to piss off so many ANBU when he had been their captain. For not the first time, she wished she had been in Konoha more often before being saddled with the Hokage position. At least then, she might have seen Naruto grow up – and she would have some kind of idea why everyone now spit out Kakashi's ANBU alias like it was a curse.

"He took so many youthful spirits…"

Tsunade shifted her gaze to Gai, surprised at the severity of his tone. Gai was Kakashi's best friend, but the barely contained disgust in his voice was the furthest thing from the odd, yet close relationship he had with the Copy Ninja. It was not until Kurenai spoke up that she started to understand why Kakashi's best friends hated the man he had once been.

"He was the best shinobi in ANBU, powerful, ruthless, and professional – which is why the Third named him captain. None of us argued against his promotion. We…hoped he would finally die if he was the one leading the missions." The dark-haired woman let out a sigh as she shook her head, grimacing as she obviously relived memories of her own years behind a mask. "He took the impossible missions no one else would even consider and somehow survived. He never failed on any mission, no matter how suicidal. But he also took the missions that we…we couldn't. Unlike him, the rest of us had souls – we had consciences that would have never let us live with what we would have had to do on those missions. But…Inu killed _anyone_ in his way."

It was then Gai's comment clicked in Tsunade's head. _Youthful spirits._ Kakashi had killed even children.

Tsunade shook her head in disbelief, bile rising in the back of her throat. Kakashi wouldn't! Kakashi cared for his old genin team as though they were family. No matter how much he had pushed them, he had never caused permanent harm. He had merely driven them more than anyone else would have. But he had never threatened their lives – their health yes, their sanity most certainly, but never their lives. For that reason, Tsunade was certain he could never kill a child, no matter what the reason. But she then recalled when Kakashi had truly been a member of ANBU.

It had been nearly two decades since Kakashi had quit the assassination squad. As far as Tsunade could figure, Kakashi had joined the group shortly after the Kyuubi attack, making him a mere fourteen when he became an assassin for the village. If that was not impressive – and quite horrifying – enough, Kakashi had gone one better. He had become the youngest leader of the group, but few would have appreciated that fact because no one would have known who he was. No – at a mere seventeen years old, Kakashi had become one of the most powerful and influential shinobi to exist and very few were aware of that monumental accomplishment.

The man – the _boy_ – Kakashi had been twenty years ago was definitely not the same person she knew today. Though it was a stretch to see Kakashi as anything other than the lazy, unrepentant pervert he was now, Tsunade knew that _that_ was not the same person who had sailed through the ANBU ranks. The boy who had gained the hatred of the shinobi around her was certainly nothing like the man who had forged close friendships with those same people. But, no matter how much Kakashi had grown and changed over the decades, there was one thing that Tsunade did not want to believe the jounin had once been capable of. Yet Kakashi had been a lost teen – no family, no friends…partially blind and with little to live for. Perhaps it was not such a stretch to see him as once being the perfect, unquestioning shinobi who had been capable of obeying the order to kill children.

Twenty years ago, it had been a different time in the shinobi world. It was not unheard of to put out a hit out on the families of an enemy – to strike them where it would hurt most. Most assassins would kill their main target's lover to distract them. Few ever took their mission farther than that. Though Tsunade had heard of a few occurrences of an ANBU slaughtering entire families, she had never considered the possibility Konoha shinobi could be responsible for such bloodshed.

The Third would have never given such orders, no matter what the situation. Children were the one thing every shinobi, no matter their village, were sworn to protect. But, for Kakashi to do such a thing, he must have had specific orders. Why else would he do something so reprehensible that his friends still hated the man he had once been?

Tsunade froze as she realized something. There was no way these shinobi, with such a disgust for Inu, could know that their close friend was the very same man. From their revulsion, they could not have possibly forgiven Kakashi for his actions all those years ago. Not for the first time, Tsunade regretted giving Kakashi this mission. She only unknowingly paired him with the man he was secretly in love with. She made Kakashi risk having his own handicap discovered by Iruka. Now she threatened Kakashi's few friendships if "Inu" was ever unmasked in front of the people closest to him.

When she got the chance, she would profusely apologize to Kakashi for asking him to don his mask and take care of Iruka – and then probably whack him on the head for not telling her about all of this. If she had known even _half_ of what he risked, she might have reconsidered putting Kakashi in such a position. As annoying as Kakashi could be, not even he deserved this kind of torture.

Tsunade was torn from her thoughts when she sensed a surge of chakra in the room. Instantly on her guard, she leapt out of her chair and began gathering chakra in her right hand. Despite the bodyguards surrounding her, she was never one to sit back while they protected her. She could also tell every other shinobi in the room was prepared to attack. The tension in the room was palatable even before they figured out the source of the chakra. The sound of blades being drawn filled the air as the distinctive _pop_ of a transportation jutsu hit her ears.

Tsunade released the energy from her hand the moment she heard a voice that, at one time, she found to be the bane of her existence. She had in fact run and hidden every time she heard him call her name. Now, filled with fear and pain, she could only recognize his voice because of its shrill pitch that no other man could ever hit.

"T-Tsunade-sama!"

Tsunade barreled through her bodyguards, not caring that she threw a few to the ground in her attempts to get to her favorite brunet. Iruka should never have that terror in his voice, especially with someone as devoted as Kakashi guarding him.

Even before the smoke from Iruka's transportation began to clear, Tsunade found herself on her knees next to her ex-secretary, her hands glowing a bright green as she sought for a source of Iruka's pain. But Iruka was physically fine. He had a small burn on the back of one hand, but it was so minor, Tsunade knew that it could not be the reason for his tone.

It was not until the smoke started to dissipate that Tsunade discovered the reason for Iruka's pain and fear. With a gasp, Tsunade focused her gaze on the unmoving jounin in Iruka's arms. As her hands began racing along Kakashi's motionless frame, she began realizing why she had not noticed his presence – or his condition – the moment Iruka had appeared in the room.

Kakashi was so weak, his chakra was almost impossible to detect.

Tsunade immediately brought her touch to Kakashi's neck, searching for a pulse, but it was a pathetic mockery of the once strong beat she knew the jounin to have. As the smoke continued to disperse, she could pick up on Kakashi's other symptoms. She could see the pained expression on his face, along with the unnatural color of his skin as he gasped for air.

The medic barely registered that, for the first time in all her years of knowing the mysterious man, she could see his entire face. If not for the situation, she might have even laughed and mocked Kakashi for being a pretty boy. But now was not the time to point out that Kakashi was a walking wet dream and he had done the entire village a large disfavor by hiding his face all these years. All that mattered was that she could see the blue tinge of his lips. She could see the pain Kakashi was in from the tightness around his eyes as he grimaced.

"P-Please, Tsunade-sama…help him!"

Tsunade barely heard Iruka's sob over the crackle of energy as she poured chakra into her hands, her touch racing along Kakashi's body in search of whatever was causing his current condition. His lungs were fine and his windpipe was not crushed, either of which would have easily explained his inability to breathe. Focusing her healing energy on Kakashi's neck, she realized that his neck was certainly the source of his problems.

Pouring chakra into her favorite one-eyed idiot, Tsunade wondered what Kakashi could have done this time to go into anaphylactic shock, forcing his throat to close up so that he could not breathe. It did not take more than a moment of attempting to heal Kakashi's throat without any change that she realized that this was not a simple allergic reaction. It should have been easy to heal his neck if he had eaten or drank something that his body rebelled against – a mere flicker of chakra to destroy the foreign substance. But as soon as she did so, the material was so quickly replaced that Tsunade could not easily keep up with it. It was as though this substance had already extended throughout Kakashi's body. And there was only one thing that could spread quickly enough to take down one of Konoha's best jounin.

Poison. And, considering it was this effective on Kakashi, it was very powerful.

Cursing under her breath, Tsunade kept one hand on Kakashi's neck, forcing so much chakra into the delicate tissue of his windpipe that it opened enough for him to breathe. The moment his airway opened back up, Kakashi sucked in a gasp of air. Tsunade could see the instantaneous results as Kakashi wheezed, his breathing still labored and painful-sounding. His lips slowly turned a healthier shade and, no longer under such stress, his heart had started to return to a safer, more normal rhythm.

For a moment, Tsunade hoped that her healing touch would be enough. But, even as she studied the jounin, she knew that whatever poison was used on him, it was not something that could be healed with a simple touch. Already, Tsunade felt her energy draining as she fought to keep Kakashi breathing. If she didn't get him to the hospital soon, there was a good possibility she would lose him.

Pouring more chakra into the jounin, Tsunade lifted her head, her gaze flickering past every face in the room. For people who called Kakashi a friend, not a single one of the shinobi around the room had moved to help her. She would have thought at least Gai would have raced to do anything to help his friend, but even he was motionless and, for once, silent. As she looked at them, she understood why no one had rushed to aid her. Each shinobi was frozen, his or her face a mixture of fear and awe as they stared at the brunet cradling Kakashi in his arms.

Tsunade finally focused her eyes on the chuunin and very nearly stopped pumping chakra into Kakashi. So stunned, Tsunade's concentration wavered as she stared at him. She had survived Iruka's moody bouts – she had withstood his anger, she had lived through his annoyance. But this was something she had never experienced before. There was no throbbing vein in his temple or twitch to his eye. There was no smirk on his face, nor was there laughter twinkling in his eyes. No, this was something Tsunade had never seen before. Iruka's face was etched in tears as he sobbed, clinging to his bodyguard. And the emotion she could read in Iruka's features was one she had never been expecting.

Love.

Shit, Kakashi had gone and made his charge fall in love with him. If not for their tricky situation, Tsunade would have been ecstatic for both men. But instead, Tsunade felt a pang of sympathy for Iruka. There was no way the shinobi in the room had missed his obvious feelings for the jounin. Within a day, everyone in the village would know Iruka and Kakashi were in a relationship. It was only a matter of time before people figured out that Kakashi was Iruka's bodyguard and both shinobi would lose their hitai ate because of an idiotic law.

Iruka let out a ragged cry as he listened to those weak gasps for air and the strengthening thump of a heart that had, only moments ago, been failing. As painful as those sounds were, he was overjoyed. Though it was obviously difficult to do so, Kakashi was breathing again thanks to Tsunade. And as weak as that heartbeat was, it was infinitely better than the racing tremors Iruka had felt and heard before.

Even Kakashi's skin started to warm back up from the cold, clammy flesh Iruka had felt a few seconds ago. With a strangled sob, Iruka bowed his head, his forehead pressing against Kakashi's, his shoulders shaking with emotion. For a moment as he transported them to Tsunade's office, Iruka had been unable to hear those pained, sharp gasps for air. To keep himself from losing what little control he had, Iruka had listened desperately for Kakashi's weak heartbeat – proof that his bodyguard and friend was still very much alive.

With gentleness he did not know himself capable of, Iruka rested a hand over his bodyguard's heart. That delicate contact was enough for Iruka to continue believing that there was hope for Kakashi. Though he had little contact with or knowledge of poisons, Iruka knew that they could work in a matter of moments. And, from the strengthening rise and fall of Kakashi's chest, Iruka knew he had acted in the nick of time.

Under Tsunade's care, Kakashi was going to be fine. Of that Iruka was certain. Relief hit Iruka so suddenly, banishing his previous terror and agony, the brunet felt momentarily euphoric. Unable to help himself, Iruka brushed his lips against his bodyguard's brow, a choked laugh bubbling up in the back of his throat.

That joy was bittersweet, however. Iruka was not so far gone to not realize that Kakashi had just saved his life. Had Kakashi not had a cup of coffee this morning, Iruka would be dead. Kakashi would not have known anything was wrong with the coffee had he not already drunk some. If Kakashi had not knocked the mug out of his hands, Iruka would most likely have been killed.

Iruka was not stupid. He knew that it took a great deal to poison a jounin, especially one as famed as Kakashi. As part of the training for the jounin test, shinobi had to build up their resistance to a number of different substances, including poisons. Having never truly had the urge to go beyond his chuunin status, Iruka never trained his body against poisons and tranquilizers like other shinobi did. Instead, he put his efforts into being the best teacher he could be.

That desire to teach the next generation of shinobi had just nearly cost him his very life. Something to do such damage to Kakashi – and so quickly – would undoubtedly have killed him. No matter how fast Kakashi was, he couldn't have saved him if Iruka had taken a sip of his coffee. Kakashi would have had to helplessly watch as Iruka suffocated to death.

Iruka brushed the backs of his fingers against Kakashi's forehead, wiping away loose tendrils of hair that clung to his sweaty brow. His touch was so gentle, he doubted the jounin would have been able to feel it even if Kakashi was conscious, but Iruka's sensitive fingertips could pick out the minutest of details. He could feel the harsh lines across his bodyguard's forehead ease, telling the brunet Kakashi was no longer in such an extreme amount of pain. Iruka could trail his fingers along smooth lips, puff after glorious puff of air warming his hand as Kakashi panted for air.

"Iruka…I have to take Kakashi to the hospital," Tsunade said quietly as she followed Iruka's gentle caresses with her eyes. A part of her was awestruck that Iruka felt anything for Kakashi, much less the love that shone in those sightless eyes as Iruka nodded his head in understanding. Despite the severity of Kakashi's condition, Tsunade found herself smiling sadly. No one dared to get close to the Copy Ninja. Everyone thought him to be incapable of kinder emotions, but Tsunade knew better. She had seen him fall apart after Sasuke's betrayal. She had caught glimpses of him sitting at his students' bedsides when they were badly injured. But Kakashi kept that side of himself deeply hidden away, as though he did not want people to know he had a heart.

Of all people to finally open up to and reveal his true self, Kakashi had to pick the one man who could truly appreciate him and his struggle to remain "normal" in the eyes of the rest of the shinobi world. If only Kakashi had done so under better circumstances. Tsunade had assigned Kakashi to Iruka because she wanted what was best for Iruka, never once considering that maybe Iruka and his boundless compassion were exactly what Kakashi needed for him to be saved from himself.

"You need to stay here-" Tsunade did not even get to finish her sentence before Iruka tightened his arms around Kakashi, shaking his head violently.

"No! I'm staying with Kakashi!" the brunet declared, his voice wavering with desperation. Tsunade glanced quickly around the room, her gaze focusing on Gai, whose jaw could not possibly drop any lower as he stared at his best friend. Gai of all people would know just how guarded Kakashi was and, from the suspicious gleam in his odd eyes, the Green Beast of Konoha was moments away from tears and a long, needless soliloquy on the wonders of youth.

Somehow, he finally realized she was staring at him. Shaken out of his amazed stupor, Gai nodded his head, able to read the request in her eyes. Knowing that, of all the shinobi in this room, Gai was the one most equipped to deal with an overemotional Iruka hell-bent on following Kakashi to the hospital, Tsunade sighed in relief. She would not leave Iruka unprotected even for an instant – not now that she knew for certain that someone was out to kill him.

The hospital was no place for an assassin's target. It was too crowded and busy for Iruka to be properly guarded. She would take no more chances with Iruka's life – not when Kakashi had nearly lost his own protecting his charge and lover. Not to mention she refused to deal with the headache Kakashi would undoubtedly give her if he heard she did not keep Iruka heavily protected while he was unconscious.

"Iruka...it is not safe for you to be at the hospital right now," Tsunade pointed out logically as she gestured for Gai to come closer. "Gai will take care of you until we figure out what happened." Try as she might to hide it, Tsunade's voice cracked as her chakra drained out of her and into Kakashi at a frightening pace. She did not want to worry Iruka anymore than he already was, but from the sudden change in his expression from refusal to acquiescence, he somehow understood just how much Tsunade's healing jutsu was weakening her.

Iruka slowly nodded his head, not hearing Tsunade's words as much as tuning into the calm, reassuring tone of her voice. As though it pained him to do so, Iruka hesitantly loosened his tight grip around Kakashi's motionless frame as Tsunade thanked whatever deities existed that Kakashi was unconscious. Had he been awake, he would have fought tooth and nail – even in his current condition – to keep Iruka with him. For a genius, Kakashi would not have cared that he was in no condition to defend his lover from a would-be assassin; his thoughts would have only been for Iruka's safety, believing no one could possibly protect Iruka as well as he could. Before Iruka got a chance to reconsider his moment of sanity, Tsunade transported Kakashi and herself out of the office.

Iruka sat back on his heels with a strangled sob at the instant loss of Kakashi's weight in his arms. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that Kakashi would be fine with Tsunade and an entire hospital staff taking care of him, but that did not stop the tears from trickling down his cheeks as coldness settled throughout his entire body. Knowing he had made a rational decision did not make him feel any less alone and afraid.

Someone had tried to kill him and had nearly murdered Kakashi instead. That thought brought on a new wave of tears as Iruka covered his mouth to stifle his cry. Protecting him was what Kakashi was meant to do as his bodyguard – but it was not supposed to be like this. Having a bodyguard was meant to be a precaution. That explosion was supposed to be a poorly-planned attempt on Tsunade's life, not his! But Iruka now knew better than to think he was safe from the person who had stolen his sight.

A cold shiver ran down Iruka's back at that thought. Someone was out there, trying to kill him for reasons Iruka could not even begin to fathom. There was someone with enough hatred for him to try blowing him to smithereens, someone skilled enough to get into Kakashi's apartment and poison this morning's coffee. Someone had been watching him who was cruel enough to want Iruka to die without any chance of being saved.

But who would want to kill him so badly that they were willing to take an innocent shinobi's life in the process? Who could be so spineless that they never once even attacked Iruka head on? An explosion and poison; both had nearly cost Iruka his life. Instead, he had lost his sight. And now…now he had nearly lost Kakashi. Overall, the loss of his eyesight was less painful than the emptiness in his arms, the coldness that settled in his chest without Kakashi there to banish it away with a chuckle and stupid comment.

Suddenly, there was a gentle touch on Iruka's shoulder. This was not Kakashi's warm caress; those were not his long digits that had brushed against Iruka's bare shoulder. He did not recognize those calluses or those strong fingers. The hand was not restraining or painful, but Iruka flinched all the same. Instinctively, he pulled away from the hand. Kakashi was the only person allowed to touch him with such familiarity.

_Kakashi_.

With a small cry, Iruka scuttled away from the stranger. Somewhere, under the pain and fear, he knew that those hands must belong to another Konoha shinobi. Who else would be in Tsunade's office? The logical part of him knew that whoever it was, he or she would not hurt him. But automatically his heart raced in terror as he was faced with the touch of a complete stranger. What if this was the person who was trying to kill him? What if this was the bastard who had dared to poison Kakashi? And, though logic told him otherwise, Iruka's emotions always won out.

He did not listen to the deep voice that tried to soothe him; all he focused on was the hand that he could sense coming closer to him again. As soon as it was within reach, Iruka acted with the speed and confidence Kakashi had taught him. All it took was a twist of his body to pin the stranger to the floor and brought one of the shinobi's own kunai up to his neck.

Iruka could hear the gasps of surprise, but he ignored them. Instead, he listened to the stranger's gasp of air, feeling the tensing of the shinobi's muscles. It did not take Iruka more than an instant to know that the stranger could easily overpower him with physical strength alone, but Iruka had the upper hand by surprising the shinobi. Before the man got a chance to consider fighting back, Iruka pressed the kunai's sharp blade into his neck with just enough force to draw a drop of blood.

He would not let the man who hurt Kakashi go. Who else would have such amazing physical strength? Who else would be armed in Tsunade's office? Who else would try to lull Iruka into a false sense of security? With each suspicious thought, Iruka unconsciously added pressure to the blade in his hand, not caring about the warm liquid beginning to wet his fingertips.

"Iruka!"

Somehow, he heard the sound of his name despite the pounding of his heart in his ears. Slowly, Iruka focused his gaze away from the gasps of air from the shinobi underneath him. It took a few moments for Iruka to realize someone was calling him – no begging him. It was then he heard the other voices that were not speaking his name.

"Let Gai go!"

"He's just trying to help!"

"G-Gomen, I did not mean to startle you, Iruka…"

Iruka shook his head at the deep voice from the man underneath him. _Gai_. As soon as the name clicked in Iruka's mind, he dropped the kunai so quickly it was as though it burned him. In the same moment, he jumped off of the powerful jounin – Kakashi's _best friend_ – and stumbled backwards. Iruka continued moving back until he tripped over something and fell down.

The chair he tripped over crashed to the floor in front of him, but Iruka continued to back up until his back was firmly pressed against a wall. He did not care in that moment that he had clumsily tripped over a piece of furniture – something he hadn't done in months. Nor did he care that he was cornered, surrounded by people who had just seen him attack one of Konoha's gentlest, kindest shinobi. He barely even registered the metallic-scented liquid that coated his fingers as he brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs. He did not even feel the tears begin to fall or hear his own cries as he buried his face into his knees.

All that mattered was that Kakashi wasn't there to tell him everything was going to be okay.

XXX

Tsunade stared out the hospital window, not seeing the snowflakes flutter to the white-coated ground, creating a picturesque scene. Instead, she saw the past several hours speed by her. Medics dancing around her as she refused to let anyone relieve her. Hands forming seal after seal in attempts of slowing the poison's destructive spread. But what haunted her most of all was the memory of the bloodless color of Kakashi's skin.

Sounds filled her ears, but she did not hear them. They were sounds that were once a comfort – the beeping of machinery, the paging of doctors over intercoms, the muffled padding of feet in the hallway, the constant roar of a busy hospital. Now, all Tsunade listened for was the rhythmic rush of air as she closed her eyes and pictured the strong rise and fall of a pale chest.

It was the most beautiful sound she had heard in a long time.

Turning away from the window, Tsunade looked over at the hospital bed and the tall jounin it contained. It had been two hours since they had miraculously stabilized Kakashi's breathing. Without knowing what poison Kakashi had taken, there was no chance they could find an antidote. The only thing they could do was minimize the substance's damage and pray it did not spread to the jounin's heart. Keeping him breathing was difficult enough without having to worry that his heart was going to shut down.

Slowly, Tsunade made her way towards Kakashi's bed and sat down on the edge, gingerly picking up his limp hand in her own. Turning his hand over, she studied his scarred palm and fingers. His were hands of a great shinobi, yet from what she had learned about his ANBU past, she knew there were some scars Kakashi still continued to hide from the rest of the world.

There might only be one shinobi who could truthfully say he had seen all of Kakashi's scars. And ironically, the only person who could boast such a thing was blind.

Tsunade sighed heavily as she ran her fingers up to his wrist, feeling the strong pulse that had been her only comfort throughout the hours of fighting for Kakashi's life. It was the one thing that reminded her that there was still hope. Even when his gasps for air turned to wheezes, then _nothing_, Tsunade felt for that rhythm. As they rushed to reopen his airway, Tsunade focused her attention on that fluttering throb, knowing that Kakashi was too strong to give up this easily.

The stubborn bastard. Only Kakashi could be so pigheaded that he would refuse to be taken down by the most powerful poison Tsunade had ever seen in all of her years of medicine. That thought made the Hokage chuckle weakly. She never thought that Kakashi's mulishness would save his life – she had always thought that his obstinacy would be his downfall.

She didn't know how, but even with his stubbornness, Kakashi had captured Iruka's heart. Tsunade did not understand how the jounin could have, in a matter of four months, gone from being complete strangers to lovers with a man who was one of the most guarded people Tsunade knew. In many ways, Iruka was worse than Kakashi when it came to opening up to people. And, having read his file and learning about his traitorous boyfriend, she could understand why Iruka was not one for committed relationships. But for Kakashi, he was throwing everything away.

Tsunade had purposely remained by Kakashi's side since she brought him here, refusing to go back to her office even though she was in desperate need of sleep. Her primary motivation was to make sure Kakashi would be okay, but she had her selfish reasons as well. She did not want to return to the questions she would undoubtedly get. She did not want to see the confusion in the eyes of people who claimed to be Kakashi's friends, but had hated Inu. Most of all, she did not want to be the one to talk to Iruka.

Sensing a change in the jounin, Tsunade glanced up at his pale features just in time to see his eyes flutter open. Even though she had known Kakashi for years, she always felt a flicker of surprise when she saw his bi-colored eyes. Unlike other people, who were uneasy with the Sharingan and looked away whenever they saw that swirling orb, Tsunade found herself focusing on the red eye that was as clear and focused as anyone else's. There was no indication that it had no normal function, which was why she was always amazed by the depth of Kakashi's deception.

Kakashi had spent nearly his entire life teaching himself to pretend to be normal. He had learned just how to look at things that he could compensate for his massive blind-spot and lack of depth perception. He had trained tirelessly to fight as well as, if not better than, any shinobi who had perfect sight. And now his entire career was in trouble because of his love for Iruka.

"W-What…?" Kakashi croaked after a moment as he blinked, his gaze focusing on Tsunade. The Hokage, with the ears of a medic, could hear that it would take weeks for that raspy, airy tone to disappear. The pain and soreness she knew Kakashi to be feeling from his barely visible wince would take almost as long to heal. Most shinobi had to be knocked out in order to get a tube down their throat; thankfully, Kakashi had already been unconscious or else pumping his stomach to get any remaining poison out of him would have been a thousand-fold more difficult that it had been.

"You are one lucky bastard," Tsunade replied softly with a shake of her head. He had survived a poison that would have killed anyone else – and even he had come close to losing his life. If not for Iruka's quick actions, today would have had a very different outcome. A few more moments and Tsunade would not have been able to help him. When she thought about just how close she had been to losing Kakashi, Tsunade felt tears prick her eyes. "If not for Iruka-"

"I-ru-ka?" Tsunade winced as Kakashi's voice cracked out of a mixture of fear and pain. If she had any doubts about the depth of Kakashi's feelings for Iruka, they disappeared when she saw the sheer worry in his eyes as he searched the room for the brunet.

"He's fine," Tsunade said quietly as she watched Kakashi struggle to sit up, only flop back down onto the bed, his body trembling weakly as he gasped for air. Kakashi's dark eye focused on her, silently asking her a thousand questions that his weak voice could not form. "Gai and the others are watching him. Iruka transported you into my office…I brought you to the hospital. Iruka wanted to stay with you, but I thought it better to keep him safe in my office."

"G-good."

"I have no idea what that poison was, but had Iruka drank any of it…" Tsunade did not want to continue, but Kakashi clearly got her meaning from the slow nod of his head. "Even a drop would have been enough. You're lucky you had a cup of coffee before Iruka and stopped him…"

Tsunade had been filled in as she sat at Kakashi's bedside for the past two hours by Anko. She had heard about Iruka's breakdown, his attack on Gai, and his demands to see Kakashi, but she had also learned about what had happened this morning that had nearly cost one of her best shinobi his life. For reasons Iruka would not explain, Kakashi had drank something everyone knew he hated. Then again, four months with Iruka, Kakashi may have grown accustomed to the taste of coffee, maybe even learning to enjoy it. But Tsunade had a feeling Kakashi still disliked the taste of coffee just as much as he always did. So why today of all days? Why would he change his habits on the very day Iruka's coffee was poisoned? If not for Kakashi's rare caffeine indulgence this morning, Tsunade would have been signing a death certificate for Iruka.

From the defeated, dull look in his eyes, Kakashi had already come to a conclusion that had taken Tsunade almost two hours of deep thought to come up with. Then again, it wasn't surprising that the genius had figured out the truth behind Iruka's would-be assassin. Kakashi's mind and the speed at which it worked were legendary in the shinobi world.

"You know…don't you?"

"Un…" Kakashi's pained tone brought tears to Tsunade's eyes. She wished she could do something to alleviate the agony the jounin was feeling, but there was nothing she could do if she wanted to keep Iruka safe. Even if she was willing to risk Iruka's life, she knew that Kakashi would never accept that. No matter how much it would hurt him to do so, Kakashi would always put Iruka before himself, even if it meant destroying everything.

XXX

Iruka slipped into the hospital room and closed the door silently behind him. He could still hear Gai grumbling on the other side of the door as he took up his post – the jounin had not in the best of moods since his neck was stitched back up. Iruka could not blame him. No matter how many times he apologized, he had still attacked a fellow shinobi. At least Tsunade had granted him a few minutes with Kakashi. After how he had acted today, Iruka was afraid the Hokage might think he was a danger to both Kakashi and himself.

But how could he explain how confusing it was to be in a room he was not familiar with, surrounded by people he did not recognize? Could he possibly make her see how terrifying it was to not be in Kakashi's presence for the first time in four months right after another attempt on his life had been made? Gai had merely sent him over the edge and Iruka had acted in the only way he knew how – to defend himself.

Soundlessly, Iruka moved across the floor, his fingers stretching out to feel for the edge of the hospital bed. When he felt the hard edge of a nightstand, he followed it and finally sat down on the edge of the bed. If he was not so exhausted by today's events, he would have just focused on Kakashi's chakra, but he was too drained to do anything other than wrap his fingers around those long, achingly familiar digits, bringing them up to his lips.

Iruka never thought he would be so happy just to feel the warm touch of Kakashi's fingertips against his skin. Despite the promise he had made to himself to stop crying like a baby, a few traitorous tears slipped past his closed eyes. These, unlike his many other tears shed throughout the day, were ones of relief and joy. Slowly lowering Kakashi's hand back to the bed, Iruka then wiped his face to erase any wetness before Kakashi woke up.

"I…ruka?"

The brunet nearly sobbed when he heard his name. Though the painfully scratchy voice was almost unrecognizable, Iruka _knew_ it was Kakashi. It did not matter that he could not smell Kakashi's normal minty breath or his familiar scent with the overpowering hospital disinfectants assailing his sensitive nose. He could not hear the soft throb of Kakashi's heart over the loud noises of the hospital surrounding them. None of that mattered because Iruka knew no one else could make his heart speed up with a single word.

"How are you feeling?" Iruka asked quietly, not trusting himself to speak any louder without his voice cracking with emotion. Gently, he ran his fingers up Kakashi's bare arm, but found his eyebrows furrowing in confusion as he felt those muscles tense before Kakashi jerked his arm away. "What's wrong? A-Are you in pain?" Iruka was already halfway towards the door in search of Tsunade when he froze at Kakashi's next words.

"What do you want?" Iruka turned back at those frigid words, not recognizing the emotion Kakashi's voice contained. He had learned every nuance, every change in pitch, every variation of his bodyguard's tone, but this was one he had never heard before. It took him a pitifully long amount of time to realize it was anger. Kakashi did not get angry with him…a few harsh words said during an argument was one thing. But this was not something said in the heat of the moment and regretted almost as soon as the words came out of his mouth. There was no reason for Kakashi's sharp tone now. There was no explanation for the hatred that dripped from every word.

"W-What do you mean?" Iruka questioned hesitantly, not sure he wanted to know the answer. Slowly, he took a step towards the bed. As he moved closer towards Kakashi, a cold knot began forming in his stomach, as though his body knew what his mind had yet to understand.

"Why the hell did you come here?"

Iruka shook his head in confusion as he furrowed his eyebrows. His senses screamed that the man in the bed was Kakashi, but that was not Kakashi's voice or his words. Kakashi would never be so cold and emotionless. "I came to see how you were doing," he answered, his voice so soft he was not sure he had even spoken aloud at all. But from the sarcastic snort he got in response, Kakashi had heard him perfectly fine.

"How I'm _doing_? I nearly died! How the hell do you think I'm doing?" Iruka stumbled backwards at the snarling retort. Even when he had had his worst arguments with Kakashi, he had never heard this acidic tone before. The weakness and cracking of Kakashi's voice due to his injuries only made the tightening in Iruka's abdomen worsen.

"I-I know…I was s-so worried," Iruka stammered. He did not want to tell Kakashi he had been an absolute basket case the past several hours. He did not want the jounin to know he had been inconsolable. Not when Kakashi was acting like this. Iruka had too stressful of a day to have his emotions thrown back at him.

"_Worried?_ I almost died because of _you_."

"W-What?" That didn't make sense. Kakashi would never blame him for something like this. Iruka had no control over today's events. Kakashi had been his _bodyguard_ – he was aware that there was always going to be a risk. It did not matter that the likelihood of Iruka having an assassin after him was so very small. There was always a chance that one of them could be harmed. For a shinobi, every day they lived was one more day that they cheated death.

"There was not supposed to any more attacks. The bombing was meant for Tsunade," Kakashi growled. Iruka cocked his head to the side at those words. That was what everyone thought…until Iruka appeared with his poisoned, half-dead bodyguard in his arms. Now knowing there was someone out to kill him, Iruka had to be constantly on his guard. He had two elite shinobi – Gai and Kurenai – assigned to watch over him every moment until his attacker was captured. Even now, they stood guarding the door, giving Iruka what little privacy they could, but the brunet knew that they could hear Kakashi's harsh words just as easily as he could.

A flicker of anger warmed Iruka's chest as his thoughts raced. Kakashi wanted to blame _him _for today? How could he possibly think that Iruka wanted to have his life jeopardized once again or that he wanted to see his closest friend and bodyguard injured in his stead? Did Kakashi even appreciate just how quickly Iruka's life had changed in the past few hours?

What freedom he had had while Kakashi was his bodyguard had already disappeared. The confidence he had gained with his bodyguard's guidance had already begun to crack under the constant actions of Kurenai and Gai. Though they meant well by trying to help him, leading him through the hospital and directing him around objects, Iruka could not resent their actions any more than he already did. His very stomach turned in irritation as they unknowingly treated him like a feeble invalid. It was the one thing Kakashi had refused to do – the one thing that had kept Iruka from turning in to that helpless person everyone else unconsciously believed him to be.

And now, Kakashi was acting nothing like the man Iruka knew him to be. Iruka's entire world seemed to turn upside down as he shook his head at Kakashi's last statement. No, there were never supposed to be any other attempts on his life. Who would want to harm an academy teacher – a man who was bound to lose his hitai-ate in a few weeks anyways? The only person Iruka could ever imagine harboring such hatred towards him was Mizuki, but he was probably long dead and gone after all these years. Apparently there was someone else out there who Iruka had unknowingly wronged.

"It was a simple mission. Take care of you until you could adjust," Kakashi whispered, his voice hoarse, weakening with every word. The brunet could hear just how painful each word was for Kakashi to say as that once strong, even voice cracked. Instinctively, he began moving towards the bed while lifting his palm up so that his bodyguard could write on hand like he used to. For once, their silent form of communication would not be for Iruka's benefit. But before he could tell the stubborn jounin to stop straining his voice, his hand was knocked away with a surprising amount of force.

"K-Kakashi?" Iruka could not help but tighten his hand into a fist at his side. Taking a deep breath to calm his annoyance at Kakashi's strange attitude, Iruka took a step back. It was understandable Kakashi was in a bad mood. He had very nearly lost his life today. Iruka would have been a bit short-tempered too if he was the one in the hospital bed. But that did not forgive Kakashi for his next words.

"I was only supposed to _babysit_ you."

Iruka almost stumbled backwards as Kakashi spit out that single word. _Babysit_. It was a word Kakashi knew Iruka despised above all others since he lost his sight. Kakashi knew Iruka never wanted to be treated as though he was incapable of taking care of himself. He _knew_ Iruka hated feeling like a burden on others. And when Iruka had first met Inu, his bodyguard had told him he was not a babysitter. Kakashi had never once hinted that his sole duty was to make sure Iruka didn't hurt himself. No – he had trained Iruka to adapt to his sightless world. He had given Iruka the strength and confidence to ignore what everyone else said and prove that he could remain a shinobi. Kakashi had done so much for him that had nothing to do with _babysitting_ him.

"T-Telling me…telling me about your past…that was babysitting me?" Iruka whispered as he wrapped his arms around himself as he turned away from Kakashi. Though it made no difference to his four heightened senses, he did not want to be facing the man who had done so much for him…and lied about it the entire time.

"That was a mistake."

_A mistake_. It was a mistake for Kakashi to open up to him and tell Iruka about his own handicap. He never meant to reveal just how difficult it had been to adapt to his partial blindness without anyone there to help him or support him. What about the rest of his past? Did Kakashi regret telling Iruka about his passion for music because of his mother – a woman who he would only ever know through the music she had left behind? Was he truly sorry for talking about growing up as a friendless orphan?

"And last night?" Iruka hesitated to ask though he had the feeling he already knew the answer. Up until this moment, he had believed that last night, had it not been for Kakashi's desire to protect Iruka's shinobi status, they would have slept together. Iruka would have told Kakashi his feelings for him went far beyond those of friendship and gratitude. As he listened to the increased tempo of Kakashi's breathing, Iruka was in a way glad he had not told Kakashi he had fallen in love with him. At least Kakashi would not know just how much of a hold he had on Iruka – how much he meant to him. That knowledge did little to soothe the pain as Iruka realized that, whatever Kakashi felt for him, it was nothing like his own love. Tightening his arms around himself, Iruka prepared himself for the words that would finish shattering his already breaking heart.

"Lust…"

Iruka could not muster any righteous anger. He could not even feel any hatred towards the man who had unknowingly stolen his heart and destroyed it so callously. Instead, all he felt was a sickening numbness settle over him at Kakashi's emotionless response.

"I…I see…" _Lust_. Not love, not friendship – no emotion Iruka would have gladly taken as an answer for the way Kakashi had kissed him last night. Why would Kakashi have been willing to tell Iruka his own name? Simple – who wanted to hear a partner calling out someone else's name? But if Kakashi only felt lust for him, why had he stopped with a kiss? Then again, what self-respecting shinobi would throw away their hitai-ate for a few hours of meaningless sex? Kakashi had lied when he said he was protecting Iruka's position as a shinobi; he cared far more about his own.

It all made logical sense, but Iruka continued to shake his head in disbelief. Those kisses, they were not ones of a horny shinobi. There had been something behind them, some emotion Iruka had never been able to name, hadn't there? Or was it just his hyper-aware senses picking up on things that he would have otherwise missed had he been normal like everyone else? Were his ears playing tricks on him as he listened to the way Kakashi's heart sped up every time Iruka smiled at him? Did his skin toy with him, making him believe the touch of a bodyguard had some hidden emotion behind it? But what about his heart? Could that, too, have been so wrongly led astray in the past four months of getting to know a man that no one else could possibly know existed behind that mysterious, cold exterior?

A man that, as Iruka listened to the iciness of his voice, he realized may have never even existed.

"You never felt anything for me, did you?" Iruka asked, wincing at the tired, deadpan tone that filled his ears. Incapable of mustering any of the betrayal or hurt he felt deep in his chest, Iruka was only able to let out a hollow chuckle at his own naiveté. He thought he had learned his lesson with Mizuki. He had taught himself not to depend on anyone, not to let anyone mean enough to him to hurt him. Naruto was the only person he completely trusted. He became close to his students because children were the only other people besides his adoptive brother who would not hurt him. But Kakashi had slowly wormed his way into Iruka's heart. He had worked past Iruka's defenses. Just like with Mizuki, had his heart deceived him once again?

"No."

Iruka shook his head at that single syllable. He couldn't believe that Kakashi felt _nothing_ towards him. If nothing else, Kakashi had felt friendship towards him, hadn't he? Why else would he be so adamant in teaching Iruka to cope with his blindness? Why would he teach Iruka to fight, adapting his technique to his remaining senses? Why would he do a fraction of what he did? Iruka could understand a few slips – a few mistakes in their months together. Perhaps Kakashi was telling the truth when he said he didn't mean to talk about his own partial blindness, but what about everything else?

Iruka had come to learn a great deal about himself since he lost his vision, but one of the greatest things Kakashi had ever taught him was to trust in himself. And right now, his instincts – his very heart – told him that Kakashi had always felt something for him. Iruka could not name whatever it was his bodyguard felt, but he knew it was not the indifference Kakashi now claimed.

"I don't believe you," Iruka whispered as he recalled all the times he cried on Kakashi's shoulder. What kind of person felt nothing as he held someone whose world was crashing down around them? No one could fake that gentle, reassuring tone. No one could pretend to have that kind of understanding and compassion Iruka had come to adore. Even Kakashi, a man who had spent nearly his entire life lying to everyone around him, could not claim to be that great of an actor.

"Believe it," Kakashi snapped back so quickly, Iruka winced at the sharp retort. He did not need his sight to know the jounin was glaring at him in anger. He could hear it in the jounin's raspy, halting words. "Tsunade conned me into watching you. Do you know how insulting it is to be a babysitter? Instead of going on important missions _worthy_ of my time, I got saddled with you."

"I…I understand." Iruka could not even muster up a single tear as he realized he, just like everyone else who had ever met Kakashi, had been tricked. He thought he had gotten to know a man vastly different from the façade he put on in public. Oh, this mask was most certainly nothing like the Copy Ninja others knew. But it did not take a genius to realize that _Inu_ had just been another role, another character in Kakashi's repertoire to be taken out when it suited him. Iruka could only wonder if there was anyone who truthfully could claim they knew the _real_ Hatake Kakashi.

Despite his current numbness, he knew the pain would hit him sooner or later, and a part of Iruka wanted to hurt Kakashi just as much as the jounin was hurting him. "I thought you might have been different from Mizuki. I was right – you're far worse. At least…at least he never pretended to be something he wasn't."

Iruka did not know how he got out of the room, only that he was suddenly in the hallway. His ears were filled with the sounds of the hospital, but he could still hear the gasps from his bodyguards. He could all but feel their pity roll off his skin in sickening waves. Even when he first lost his vision, he was did not have to deal with such sympathy. At least when he lost his sight, people had felt sorry for him because they could only see his handicap. Now, he had the pity of people who had heard with their own ears just how he had been fooled into loving a man who would never return his feelings. Without a word to either of them, Iruka disappeared, desperately hoping neither would follow him.

Kurenai sighed as she closed her eyes and began to search for Iruka's chakra signature. She could appreciate his desire to be alone after _that_, but she had promised Tsunade to watch over him until the would-be assassin was captured. Finding Iruka's chakra on the other side of the village, she was about to transport to him – whether or not Iruka wanted her presence right now – but stopped when she felt a touch on her arm. Looking over at Gai, she saw a look in his eyes she had never seen in the normally happy-go-lucky man before. Despite the hatred she felt right now towards Kakashi, having heard what he said to Iruka, she could almost pity him.

"I'll catch up with you later…" Gai's voice, for once, was actually frightening. Kurenai winced in pain for Kakashi – he was not going to get off easy after talking to Iruka so. Even though Gai was not on the best of terms with Iruka after getting thirty some-odd stitches in his neck, no one deserved to be spoken to like that, especially a man who was obviously in love with Kakashi. Nodding in understanding, she quickly vanished in search of her temporary charge before his would-be assassin could make another attempt on his life.

She could only hope that Iruka would listen to common sense and not go off alone again, no matter how desperately he wanted to get away from others. Because, even though she could sense Iruka was in no danger at the moment, it was only a matter of time before his attacker realized he had failed in poisoning the brunet and come back for another try. And, having failed twice already – once blinding Iruka and now poisoning Kakashi instead – this time, the assassin was not going to leave things to chance.

XXX

Authoress: Finally! I finally finished the chapter! And, after all this time, Iruka's attacker finally resurfaces! About time! *sniffles* It was so hard to write that bit between Iruka and Kakashi – but before you condemn our favorite, emotionally-incompetent hero, remember that there are two sides to every story! So, I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter after such a long hiatus! Until next time, ja ne!


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